Screens: CBS

'Get In The Truck And Let's Go To Africa'

The Zoo Croo raises more questions this week. Some of them might even have answers.

What's the angry animal of the week?

Um, there's not one? But there are a handful of irritable camels and two cantankerous zebras, as well as a baby warthog who is best friends with a hissing cerval. It's pretty terrifying stuff, guys. Trust me.

Does someone update the phrase "you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours"?

Yes. Ray, the "old friend" of Jackson and Abe, has a great way with words. When he's laying out the quid pro quo situation that will get the Zoo Croo out of the U.S. and all the way to Africa, Ray says, "It's simple. You wash my back, and I fly yours the hell out of the country." Well done, Ray. You got both halves of that phrase completely wrong. And, guess what, no one is going to wash your back. Use a rag on a stick, like everybody else.

So Ray is actually Jackson and Abe's friend?

No. And Abe keeps reminding everyone that is not the case, but for whatever reason, no one is listening. Everyone keeps saying, "Who's this friend of yours?" And "What about your friend?" And like that. And poor Abe is left saying, over and over again, "He's not our friend." But he's so patient and understanding, it doesn't seem to bug him that much. Me, on the other hand, I'd be like, "Open your ears, you big bunch of dummies!" And then the helicopter punching might begin. You know, where you just start spinning your arms in giant circles and walk into a crowd? I don't understand what keeps Abe from doing that, because honestly it's like everyone is goading him on purpose. "What about your FRIEND, Abe? Will your FRIEND help us, Abe? I thought you said he was your FRIEND, Abe?" It's like a variation on "Are we there yet?"

What level of remorse is the Girl Reporter showing for murdering a man this week?

She's holding steady at basically the same level: virtually none. Man, if I was in the Zoo Croo, I'd be watching my back. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of evidence of empathy or basic care for human life inside those cold marbles she calls eyes. Even after the FBI Boss Guy goes on the TV and implicates the other four members of the Croo, she's still like, "Isn't there something else on? The news is so BORING!"

Will someone say something I want to put on a t-shirt sometime during the show?

"Get in the truck and let's go to Africa."

Does this qualify as a disguise?


Absolutely. Animal masks always qualify. Not sure they're necessary in the pitch blackness of night, but maybe I'm just not as smart as the Zoo Croo.

Will someone say the name of some obscure piece of scientific equipment enough times that I'll feel like I'm being pranked?

Yes. The Croo needs an electroporator. But you can't just buy an electroporator at the store. An electroporator is a specialized piece of equipment. It could be impossible to find an electroporator. Unless you happen to break into a zoo with a pathology lab. Pathology labs in zoos are lousy with electroporators. But you probably already knew that about electroporators. I mean, who doesn't? Electroporator? Electroporator!

Sure, there's been a lot of talk about how buggy Bug-Eyes's eyes are, but have we even discussed her nostrils yet?


No, we haven't. But my goodness, look at those shotgun barrels! She must be the most oxygenated agent in the DGSE!

Ray is their friend, so wouldn't the Croo have known ahead of time that he's the pilot of the plane?

First of all, haven't you been listening to Abe? Ray is NOT their friend. But the point still stands. Yes, they should have known that Ray was the pilot and that if Ray got shot, that could jeopardize their flight to Africa. Certainly Jackson had to know Ray was at least a pilot, otherwise why did he drag everyone into Ray's crazy zoo break-in plan? Of course, all of the "oh no, Ray was shot and he was our ticket to Africa" drama disappears immediately when Abe reveals he knows how to fly the plane. (Another thing that Jackson, at the very least, should have known.) Sheesh with this show! Why make something seem dramatic when the solution is as simple as flipping a light switch in a darkened room? I mean…

Why make something seem dramatic when the solution is as simple as flipping a light switch in a darkened room?

That was a rhetorical question and you know it.

Are animals and humans roughly the same? I mean, as far as knowing how to operate on humans is concerned?

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that animals and humans probably aren't roughly the same. But that doesn't stop Mitch from confidently removing a bullet from Ray's chest. Because, I guess, everyone knows that a veterinarian is just a thoracic surgeon who didn't go to school as long or log any time at all in a human hospital, operating on actual human beings. So, you know, they're practically twinsies!

Is there anywhere more romantic for a first kiss than inside the windowless trailer of an eighteen-wheeler filled with a dozen zoo animals?


If there is, I've never heard of it.

Did we learn anything more about the Mother Cell?

No. In fact, other than the "previously on" part of the show, it isn't mentioned at all. Which is probably for the best. We all know it doesn't make the tiniest bit of sense.

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