'It Feels Like We're Settling In To The Groove Of The Series This Week...'
To: Intuitive Entertainment
From: E! Network
Re: What Would Ryan Lochte Do Episode 103 Rough Cut
It feels like we’re settling in to the groove of the series this week, and I only wish I could cast that statement in a positive light. Whereas the Rough Cut for 102 was a spectacular failure of story, character, and form (please confirm to my office that the last vestiges of the sunglasses-wearing-banana have been CUT), at least it had the bravery to fail spectacularly. The trouble with the 102 Rough Cut isn't that it failed to show a more emotional dimension of Ryan's personality. It's that it succeeded.
By contrast, this Rough Cut is a woefully flat, same-y lump of non-story, punctuated by a depressing continuation of shtick-y camp and continued use of on-screen GFX which, as mentioned, gives the show a cheap Blind Date quality that is definitely not our brand. Need to assess what editing trickery we can use to make him more likable. Aren't your editors able to sprinkle some of that magic editing dust and raise the bar a little?
On a smaller though still significant note, I know we are short on funds at this point in the post process, but can we please see if we are able to clear ANY of the logos in any scene of this show? I'd hate to have to ask everyone who appears on camera to wear plain white t-shirts, but the incessant blurring is a distraction. Doesn't Ryan have like 4000 sponsors we can do business with? It’s confusing. We shouldn’t have to blur a clock on a microwave for legal reasons. Everyone is allowed to know what time it is.
What time is your team available for this week’s conference call to discuss the below? I have an opening in my schedule during what had previously been blocked out for the now-canceled “Season 2 Pre-Production Meeting.”
Act One
:17 “So I heard Jamiee’s coming to town.” Is there no more elegant way into this conversation than a line scripted for Devon and submitted in the first draft of the Season 1 story bible? There are people all over the world having normal conversations that don’t have reality TV prompts to start them off. We’re one “So what did you think of the big fight at last night’s charity event” away from slipping into some kind of reality meta-parody. Would like to avoid that, as parody is typically associated with an educated 25-and-over audience, which is not really our demo.
1:25 This bite about Jamiee not being fake is a repeat bite from a prior episode. But more importantly, why would anyone care enough yet to think Jaimee is George Glass to Ryan’s Jan. Strains credulity to think the audience is invested in her existence, with so little context or emotional investment in this relationship so far.
1:37 Do we have to be so obvious and prescriptive about the “slow-motion movie” that is Jaimee’s introduction? VERY on-the-nose. Would lose.
JAIMEE GENERAL THOUGHTS: Can we really scrub the footage to try to elicit even one funny, charming, or sentient comment from the supposed love of his life? On Married To Jonas, the wife character has SO much to recommend her, besides just her incredible physical resemblance to Geoffrey the giraffe from Toys R Us. It’s also that she acts as a plausible foil/beard to the main Jonas, whereas Jaimee seems to have sprung fully-formed from the most uncharismatic corner of Ryan’s psyche. She REALLY fails to elevate his performance. If we still have time and any money in the budget that isn’t being spent creating whatever the final transition GFX will replace those sneakers (still guessing that they are TEMP), perhaps we can re-cast the girl and shoot a few pick-up scenes. I am certain the family will play ball. Let’s discuss casting options on our call, and bear in mind that when we initially discussed casting a British girl as his girlfriend we were looking for someone with a little more of a “Pippa” quality.
2:28 If we absolutely need this “Things Ryan needs” gag (and I don’t think we do), can we at least try and keep the FONTS consistent from gag to gag? But it probably doesn’t matter, since we will probably CUT this.
3:03 Jamiee stumbles through the line “Show me around.” Did we shoot any pre-roll/pick-ups?
3:20 GREATT RYAN RUNNING IN BTHING SUIT!11111!!!!!!!!!!!11! Will need ALL of this raw footage (for promo purposes), so please send the sequence directly to my NYC apartment, preferably in a file format that can be viewed in my home movie theater.
4:03 When he’s lifting the weights, did we shoot the camera angle where he’s popping his hips/buttocks out from behind? Feels like we’re not maximizing our footage.
5:23 Blurring is distracting.
5:40 Would prefer not to use all of this text on the screen. Let’s lose. And in any case, I would spell it “mwah,” not “muah.” Thoughts?
QVC SEQUENCE: I’m not going to get into the nitty-gritty of what should change in this “home shopping” sequence, because the next time I see this cut this section should no longer be in there. Would much rather the dinner SHOW us anything about either of these people? So far the only thing Ryan has told us about Jamiee with conviction is that “she exists,” which at this point I’m not even sure about.
Act Two
DRIVING SEQUENCE: Does Jaimee ever say anything interesting/funny/engaging on the drive? Using this footage as time-lapse feels like a lazy shortcut.
9:58 Cut at least one reference to peeing in the pool, and let’s definitely lose this yellow water transition. Peeing in the pool is quite literally the only through line that has been consistent across our three episodes.
11:03 Would love a transitional b-roll montage of as many of the swimmers taking off shirts as possible.
If Jaimee is really an inspiration the whole family loves, why can’t we JUST use this part of the meet where Ryan comes in first, and make the whole thing look like a POSITIVE experience? The way this is framed now, he’s blaming his family, his girlfriend, and Production for doing BADLY, whereas he should be utilizing all of those skills to be doing WELL. They are his support system, not “distractions.” Huge storytelling issues in this sequence.
Tease needs work.
Act Three
13:26 This dolphin footage feels like glorified web content. If we can’t cut this scene out completely for time, let’s lose the shots where he is kissing the dolphin full on the mouth. I haven’t felt such raw pity for a species since the last 20 minutes of The Cove.
15:15 Let’s lose the GFX that says “20th Century” after Ryan says it. We get that this isn’t the 20th Century. Recently, one of the Housewives (Atlanta season, which is typically the only one I don’t watch) mentioned that she worked hard “265 a year,” and the comedy managed to land without a record scratch, a graphic of three and a half months of calendar pages, and a SFX of them ripping in half.
16:10 What a depressing ending to his swim race, and with no payoff. And it’s never mentioned again during his Jaimee dinner, which feels incongruous. How he felt about failing in front of her (and blaming her for it) is dropped completely.
16:21 Why would you have to blur the time on the microwave. The blurring is starting to feel sarcastic.
18:07 Please don’t hyphenate “love-life.”
Who is Gene and why should I care about his turkeys. Shouldn’t have to give that note. I went to Cornell.
What did you think?
