Bernard Walsh / History

Exactly Why Isn't Lagertha Just Killing Ivar Now On Vikings?

And other questions sparked by 'Crossings'!

Ecbert really thinks Aethelwulf is entirely stupid?

Despite having often been a raging idiot in the past, Aethelwulf seems to have actually developed a pretty good sense of how big-boy politics play out in his neck of the woods. Not only is he sure the Vikings will avenge Ragnar's death by attacking Ecbert (ding!), he's equally sure that Ecbert should be doing something a little more take-charge to prepare for the inevitable attack than hanging out with Alfred and teaching him coloring or prayer or whatever the hell kids who didn't like fighting and killing were into back in those days.

Aethelwulf is also entirely justified in telling his dad straight up that he was an idiot for letting Ivar go. Really, if Ecbert would get over his man crush on Ragnar, he'd remember the guy dropped a massive hint that he was essentially committing suicide by Englishman as a "bold move" against Ecbert, and he'd start fortifying the castle and boiling vats of oil yesterday. It's a little shocking that Ecbert hasn't figured out any of this himself, given that he's always been five steps ahead and broken the chess board before anyone else moves a pawn, but go Ragnar, I guess.

Still, as narcissistic as we know Ecbert to be, his hatred for his own kid and his helpless crush on Ragnar have blinded him to what's right in front of his face. Aethelwulf speaks the truth, and how does Ecbert respond? He basically gives the guy a cookie and says he can go prepare for battle if it makes him happy. Even Aethelwulf knows Ecbert is just looking for an excuse to bang Judith without interruption. Poor Ecbert, but whatever he gets, he'll deserve it.

Do Ubbe and '80s Hair Band Sigurd have any idea how to keep things on the down low?

I'm glad Ubbe and Sigurd understand that exacting revenge on Lagertha for their mom's death is something they may want to keep to themselves for a little while. But I'm not sure sulking through Lagertha's call-to-action speech and sharpening weapons to keep busy is the best way to do it. But hey, they're miles ahead of Ivar in the strategy department.

Bernard Walsh / History

Bernard Walsh / History

Exactly why isn't Lagertha just killing Ivar now?

Look, I understand why, in some ways, it's not the smart play. She's already killed Aslaug, and killing Ragnar's kids would most likely be perceived as a dick move by all the villagers. She personally would feel guilty about it. I get it. But once Ivar drags himself in front of the entire town to declare that he's going to kill Lagertha? I think she would get a pass if she chose to bump him off. Ubbe and Sigurd seem to be pretty wussy about fighting, so Ivar is really the only true threat, even if he has to stab her while dragging his legs behind him -- and, again, he's actually declared that intention in front of everyone. I'm starting to think Lagertha has just consigned herself to getting offed. Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown and all that.

Is Astrid delusional or just devoted?

Astrid is a great girlfriend. She follows Lagertha around like a lap dog, she's a noble shield maiden, and she has a sporty haircut. However, for her to promise to protect Lagertha from Ragnar's sons is a bit much. How exactly does she expect to have the lightning-quick reflexes needed to take out surprise attackers? She doesn't even wake up for Ragnar's ghost!

Bernard Walsh / History

Bernard Walsh / History

Is Floki trying to fill the Ragnar-shaped hole in his heart with crazy?

Floki is, of course, devastated by lots of things. His only kid died, he has that weird way of speaking, and Ragnar left town on a suicide mission. Most people would be fixated on the death of a child, but Floki isn't most people. He has a hole in his heart! A void! An everlasting pain! So why not just find a mosque, wander through with no idea what anyone believes or why they are praying, and fall in love? That's entirely logical! Granted, he has to leave town after all of his buddies go raping and pillaging their way through it, but I can't rule out that Floki will head back for a beach vacation.

Why has Helga decided now is the time to break down and start abducting children?

Helga has been through a lot. She's been wounded, she's lost her daughter, and she's married to that lunatic Floki. But stealing a kid? WTF? Sure, this girl is the same age as her daughter would have been, she's an orphan (thanks, Vikings!), and all Helga wants to do is love her, but come on. Floki should just agree to get Helga knocked up again (her first choice) and tell her to put the kid back, but I guess it's hard to win that case when all the other Vikings have picked up a harem to play with. I guess this is what "stopping for provisions" looks like in the days before supermarkets and rule of law.

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