Photo: HBO

What Colour Is Your Parachute? (Realistically, It Can Either Be Red Or Blue.)

Career counseling for a Veepite in...transition.

There are a few ways to react to Jonah Ryan's having lost his White House job. One is: of course he did, and honestly, how the hell did he hang on to it as long as he did? Another is: wouldn't a scumbag like that actually stay employed in D.C. until he dies, at his desk, of five simultaneous heart attacks, at age, like, forty-one?

Regardless of how we might have guessed, or hoped, it would happen, the point is that it happened: Jonah has been fired. And though one imagines that he has few enough expenses and little enough of a life (lord knows there's no girlfriend he needs to entertain) that his savings could keep him afloat for a while, he's going to need a new job eventually. But what? Don't worry: I've had some thoughts about that.

Health Insurance Claim Reviewer

Why It Might Work: Not only would he have no compunction about turning down a customer's claim -- he'd probably really enjoy it.

Why It Might Not: He'd have to say yes sometimes.

Assistant To A Movie Producer

Why It Might Work: Jonah's officious, obsequious, good at gatekeeping, and very accustomed to taking abuse.

Why It Might Not: In Los Angeles, even the assistants have to meet a certain level of presentable, and Jonah's sweater vests disqualify him.


Why It Might Work: He likes to buy photography equipment and talk quasi-knowledgeably (read: snottily) about it.

Why It Might Not: He doesn't actually know anything about photography, and there's no evidence that he has any talent. (I mean, he went to a wedding armed only with the camera on his iPad, end of discussion.)

Custom Shoe Model

Why It Might Work: He is crazy tall, and while I don't recall the show ever having focused on his feet, it seems a save assumption that they are gigantic.

Why It Might Not: Even as a shoe model, Jonah probably wouldn't make a good impression at a go-see.


Why It Might Work: He has already done it, and the scandal of getting fired for might actually give him more credibility, which is to say, some credibility.

Why It Might Not: He probably can't exploit his old connections for scoops because everyone who's ever met him hates his guts.

Tom Noonan Stand-In

Why It Might Work: Like Noonan, he's freakishly tall, and could therefore do a fine job of standing in for him on a film or TV set for the purposes of lighting or camera blocking.

Why It Might Not: A gig once every five years isn't going to pay for the coed webcam subscription Jonah surely has.

Political Candidate

Why It Might Work: He could court Tea Party types by turning having been bounced out of government into a positive.

Why It Might Not: No mother on any campaign trail would let Jonah look directly at her baby, never mind kiss it.

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