The SURvers Come Together For Part One Of The Vanderpump Rules Reunion
Yes, even James and Lala.
It's all over but the shouting. Mostly? Your SURvers, worst to first:
- The Coven
This being the reunion and not, say, Katie's ninth bridal shower, the witches of WeHo (Stassi, Kristen, and Katie) are weak and outnumbered now that Scheana's defected and alerted the village of their existence. It's tempting to make a case for them (because it's easier than admitting Scheana and Lala are right, which gets harder every time), but their actions as witch hunters Sandoval and Ariana lead them to the gallows are extremely telling. There's no coming back from accidentally shouting the same phrase in unison at their accusers.
Special Awards: Stassi, who went on Katie and Schwartz's honeymoon and needed to be stopped; Kristen, whose ghost will still insist she didn't go down on Brittany; Katie, who survives the gallows and manages to get a humble apology to Lala in before she's burnt at the stake. Well done, congratulations.
All promise implied by her new hair shutters when she turns into Judge Doom at the end of Who Framed Roger Rabbit? as she tells Andy she's doing "really good" during hellos. She makes a lot of valid points about how the coven operates under groupthink, but, true or not, that she's still getting away with positioning herself as the victim in the terrible situations she puts herself in is beyond me.
How could you forget about Kristen! Sure, there are 32 principal castmembers at this point and it's hard to keep track of who's who, but still! Andy, she's the show's true star! Anyway, every delightful facial expression and no-nonsense question/response we get doesn't outweigh the cringe level of the package between him and SUR chefs, Christian and Guillermo. I see what they were going for, and it sort of works. But it also made me extremely uncomfortable. And again, how do you forget about Kristen?
To her credit, she's generally fair to everyone and her assessments are usually spot-on. Plus her speech about standing in solidarity with the LGBTQ community on Pride is great, and effective. All of this, however, is undermined by the fact that she can't seem to follow the nuances of the conversation, forcing Andy to turn to her every so often and explain why everyone's laughing or what the issue is. I also don't quite understand why she felt the need to tell Scheana she would have gotten a prenup if she married Shay; it feels unduly pointed.
Why does it feel like she starts to sundown around the 20-minute mark of a 43-minute episode? (Oh, and her lapels are terrible.)
She definitely spilled the beans about her former apartment building and probably screwed up the lawsuit Jax is either planning or currently waging against his former landlord. Don't get me wrong, I loved every second of it. Unfortunately, that's the problem: She's only ever on screen for 30 to 45 seconds.
- Jax & Schwartz
Schwartz fares better than Jax, but these two are kind of just there.
There's maybe nothing better this week than Ariana responding to the coven's digs about how she could have possibly gone into work on Pride and danced on the bar and done shots. (And yes, I'm absolutely furious there's footage from the Pride episode that confirms the coven was being immature in their decision to stay home to "be safe.") She's right, it isn't any of their business that she opted to go into work and support the community like a true ally.
Sandoval really tears into Katie. Initially I was confused about why he was standing up for Lala as much as he does because he didn't really do so during the season (Was it because of the wedding? Was it because he didn't really know the extent of what was going on?), but hey, better late than never. His outbursts actually filled in a lot of gaps in the Katie/Lala canon and helped underscore the fact that the problem stems from the fact that the coven can never hold itself accountable or acknowledge any wrongdoing, ever.
And he really hits the nail on the head when he tells Kristen and Stassi that they enabled Katie to be the worst version of herself this season and did her a huge disservice.
I still don't buy her [owns every Rihanna album] aesthetic, but I'm kind of here for the Sharon Stone Casino cosplay. Anyway, Lala's strength and weakness are the same: her mouth. She's incredibly well spoken and appears (for the most part) genuine, but she's also always lashing out and putting her foot in her mouth, which she does here in equal measure. Still, I found her incredibly engaging, and liked how blunt she was while dealing with the coven and how vulnerable she was talking to Katie one-on-one.
Who'd have ever thought he'd end up on top? I'm speechless.