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Scheana Helps Katie's Latest Bridal Shower Go Awry On Vanderpump Rules

It's a slow week for the SURvers until Scheana takes the initiative and initiates a stomp-off.

Last week, I said that Vanderpump Rules was the quintessential show for Trump's America because, like most reality shows of its kind, it's an angry blur that steamrolls both fact and fiction. That's not the problem. In fact, that general incoherence, coupled with the backpedaling and shifting alliances of the players, is what makes the reality TV whodunit such a fun distraction in this, the renaissance of Must See TV.

What sets this season apart from those before it, though, is the joylessness of its arcs, which have become so splintered under the weight of the cast that it's hard to make sense of the drama, let alone care about it. For instance, in years past, the aftershocks of the display at James's new gig would be felt throughout the season. This year it's underplayed, almost as if it never happened. And then there's Lala, who hasn't been seen in weeks. Alas, I've stopped asking questions.

Here's a rundown of the SURvers' relatively lucid (dare I say adult?) week: most likely fueled by jealousy over Ariana's cocktail book, Sandoval explores modeling and acting more, meeting Joe Simpson for a photo shoot (!) and landing a bit part in Peter's short film; Jax goes to church with Brittany and listens to a sermon about projecting anger and accountability, then asks Lisa if she has any spare gowns because the men want to do drag in New Orleans; Stassi serves her mother toast and raw cookie dough while she heals post-hysterectomy, then makes the situation about her relationship with Patrick; James continues to deny that he's ever cheated; Ariana pseudo-apologizes to Stassi; Scheana self-immolates at Katie's second attempt at a bridal shower; Schwartz continues to gaslight his fiancée.

To the rankings!

  1. Scheana

    I sort of understand where she's coming from. Somehow this season's strongest player -- in terms of talking heads -- she's starting to suffer the way Stassi did in the first batch of episodes. Without the context of the problems going on in her marriage (I assume), this week's reaction to her friends looked mildly insane. Something's definitely eating away at her; I just don't think it's drunken text messages from Kristen or Katie, because after five years I wouldn't expect that to be as shocking as she claims. Scheana's always been insecure -- and, to her credit, will cop to that.

    But, regardless of why she freaks out, Scheana still freaks out and ruined lunch. And that's all that matters here. Even if she is, stop calling the bride-to-be an angry drunk!

  2. James

    A picture's worth a thousand words, so here are seven: he definitely had sex with those girls.

  3. Tom Schwartz

    I've given Katie a lot of flak, but Schwartz looks a little worse with each passing week. Here, Katie tries to explain the scene at her tenth bridal shower and her frustrations with Ariana, to no avail, because he thinks she's combative and drunk. You can be drunk or sober and still think Ariana's condescending and elitist! This is headed into The Girl On The Train territory.

  4. Jax

    Ariana, Lisa, Andy Cohen, someone: please explain to Jax the difference between a drag queen and a transsexual.

  5. Tom Sandoval

    Tom looks like a Cloud Atlas extra twice this week. First, with his photoshoot with Joe Simpson (father of Jessica, who's shifted from manager to photographer of men of a certain age) and later in Peter's short film. He doesn't do anything especially terrible this week other than deny that Ariana's ever done anything wrong and rant about Katie and Stassi to Schwartz, but hey, it's a slow week, so it's enough.

  6. Ariana
    I'm not surprised she made up with Stassi. I am surprised how convincing it was. Boy, is Tom going to be upset when she starts booking more parts than him!
  7. Stassi

    Stassi acquits herself well with Ariana. The major problem here is Nikolai, who unexpectedly burns her by saying he misses Patrick, and whom I never want to see again. Still, as noxious as the attempt to give her brother screen-time is, it works like a heart-tugging charm. Ugh!

  8. Katie

    Scheana and her fiancé might be trying to shoehorn her into the role of Belligerent Drunk Woman #1. And, you know, that might actually be the case. She tries her best this week though, and I can't fault her for that; nobody else is making an effort. If it's harsh, if it's mean, it's still her truth. And her wedding.

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