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Part 3 Of The Vanderpump Rules Reunion Is All About 'Shay'me

After months of estrangement, Scheana and Shay are finally face to face to cameras.

After last week's spotty penultimate episode, Vanderpump Rules delivers in the final installment of its reunion tour thanks to a slew of cringe-worthy moments between its couples. Let's get into this week's rankings, from least compelling to most.

  1. James & Kristen
    The members of this former couple go tit for tat whenever they can, and while I virtually always welcome that feral energy, it stands out in a bad way when held against everyone else's relative growth this week. So while my heart filled with joy when Kristen called James out for walking back on his sobriety and having a vodka soda during the reunion taping's lunch break ("Uh-oh, seeing red!"), the whole thing is getting a little old. It might have slowed things down, but I'm disappointed that we had more than enough time for Stassi's brother Nikolai and somehow none to throw Carter and Raquel's way so as to bring them into the mix. If anything, their downfall this week is not being catty and immature enough.
  2. Stassi, Jax, & Brittany
    What begins as a nice moment between Jax and Stassi as he responds to a question from Andy about his apology in New Orleans quickly turns into something else once Brittany takes the floor to describe how witnessing it made her feel. Frustrated by his heartfelt (drunken) apology, she says it "hurt me [because it's so hard for him] to admit wrong-doing and sincerely apologize" and that it was "weird" to watch. Which is fair, considering it briefly felt like he was saying, "I'm still in love with you," more than "I'm sorry" and is generally such a dick to Brittany, but whatever. While objectively worse crimes are committed this week, the single worst moment is watching the light creep out of Jax's eyes as he listens to Brittany's response and tries not to lunge across the room. He recovers later when he says that he was only able to make such an apology because of how much he's grown as a person since meeting Brittany. Still, that one moment was an absolutely chilling peek behind the curtain. No thanks.
  3. Andy & Lisa
    Andy does a great job steering the ship. Which is good since Lisa doesn't always notice the icebergs. She's trying, though!
  4. Katie & Schwartz
    In retrospect, I feel bad about being so hard on Katie this season. Still, we have to go by what's onscreen, and what was onscreen wasn't great by any means. Here, though, given the opportunity to explain her side of things, she gives us a lot of insight into where she was mentally. What's unfortunate is that none of that, for whatever reason, translated over the course of the season. Which is why the Vegas Girl development felt more like a last-minute play than something that's been eating away at her for years.

    Which brings us to Tom, who brings Katie's average down after an otherwise solid showing. They seem stronger as a couple than ever before, but I'd be lying if I didn't gasp when Tom cracked under the pressure and bitterly asked how she thinks he felt watching her act like an asshole the last few years. Worse, though, is that it seems like things with TomTom are on hold thanks to his squeamishness about the idea, something his wife and potential business partners seem pretty pissed off about. And I don't blame them.

  5. Sandoval & Ariana
    As individuals, they aren't my favorites. As a team, they know how to compensate for the other's weaknesses, which is why they make such a strong showing here. Sure, Tom goes after everyone a little too aggressively, and the imagery of the Witches of WeHo "licking of Katie's asshole all summer" only made everyone in the room want to step away from his (correct) point of view rather than support it, but these are minor slip-ups. Plus I like that their storyline is subversive in that she's the one who doesn't want to get married and needs convincing as opposed to him, and that they're both working through it.
  6. Scheana & Shay
    Sad as it is to admit, I told you so: a divorce is always more compelling than a wedding. In less than fifteen minutes, Scheana steals the season back: watching her talking about what's been eating away at her this season is electrifying, even if I didn't necessarily believe it. It's a shame the segment wasn't longer, because having Scheana and Shay come face to face after months of estrangement works like a charm. They might not be together, but this week they unintentionally work as a team, and the result is absolutely captivating as they go back and forth with petty grievances and airing each other's dirty laundry to try to explain how they got to where they are today.

    It's a genuinely uncomfortable segment, and the entire cast looks physically uncomfortable as Scheana outs Shay's relapse and tells him she's dating one of their mutual friends. Gross as it is to admit, this is everything that was missing from the show this year and the most compelling it's been in a while. I hope the 6-8 month grace period for divorce in California means we'll be getting some more of it next season.

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