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It's An Interesting Spin On Vanderpump Rules

The SURvers bring an assortment of issues to the table, with mixed results.

Whatever your misgivings about a show stacked with entitled white twenty- to thirty-something WeHo servers and the odd model, actor, DJ-in-residence, Miss California, etc., make no mistake: this murky, princess-cut piece of costume jewelry is reflective of our new era and worth a look, if you can stomach it.

The callous, frequently "deplorable" behavior and infighting of its cast and their inscrutable arguments has gone, for the most part, from yugely entertaining to tremendously over and underwhelming. However, the course set by its aimlessness as fueled by angry, manic energy has never been more interesting; this week marks a return to form for Vanderpump Rules and its SURvers.

Let's dig into the Very Special, Extremely Classy, Overwhelming Success of this week's rankings!

  1. Lala
    Not pictured. Probably working on her bill for Childcare.
  2. James
    James uses a longwinded, purposefully confusing metaphor to dance around telling his mother he was fired from Pump and SUR. (Once she figures out what he's saying, she's disappointed by the setback. But it's not his fault: people are jealous of his success and trying to derail him at every turn. Like Kristen, whose reproductive system she hopes KARMA shuts down.) Having been fired because of his drinking, he later undergoes hypnotherapy to help stay sober and help his cause to Make Electro-dance Music Great Again. Neither works and he ends up getting thrown out of his own party.
  3. Tom Sandoval
    Counselor to James; Sandoval believes in the fair and equal protections of everyone -- on a case-by-case basis and after comprehensive background checks, of course. He's come down particularly hard on misinformation, and thinks that some people need to shut their mouths and accept the status quo, Stassi and Katie.
  4. Brittany
    Brittany and her mother decline to comment on the status of a rumored investigation into Jax's sexuality.
  5. Jax
    Jax proposes a tariff and sanctions on Brittany, his ungrateful and combative girlfriend.
  6. Ariana
    Ariana tells a moving story about growing up with a horse. Then she comes out against the snowflakes (Stassi; Katie) and the bubble they reside in, and threatens to defund the arts at a paint and sip. Aims for Rep. Maxine Waters and misses by a wide margin.
  7. Scheana
    Scheana sticks it to the establishment by nailing her dues to her coven's door and the receipts to the doors of its nearby chapters; she also mobilizes a protest of James's latest performance. Unfortunately, it suffers when protestors become confrontational and violent. Similarly, she votes in favor of a "travel ban" to New Orleans, because she's unfamiliar and weary of the area.
  8. Tom Schwartz
    Worried his fiancée will leave him penniless if they ever get divorced, Schwartz pays $2,500 for a prenup to protect his less than $5,000 in assets; a smart, low-risk investment with a high return.
  9. GG & Ellie
    Three-quarters of the SURvers stage a protest at James's performance; 2 peripheral SURvers come forward with accusations that he's been unfaithful to his girlfriend Raquel, whose feminism they take to task. It's not the best display of political action or discourse, but hey, it's something.
  10. Lisa Vanderpump
    A savvy pundit and, really, the only trustworthy source out there.
  11. Katie
    She's firm on a $6,000 flower budget for the wedding. She also makes a brilliant case for the benefits of legalizing marijuana.
  12. Stassi
    A brief but sparkling appearance as she calmly reaches across the aisle and tried to appeal to Ariana's senses, to no avail. Still, considerable effort was made, and her "speech" is lovely -- not to mention her attempt, after New Orleans-related controversy, at unifying the bridal party.
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