Source: CBS

Two And A Half Men, One Of Whom Is Really Good-Looking

When was the last time you stopped to think about how handsome Ashton Kutcher is? Sorry, that isn't recent enough.

Two years ago, after Charlie Sheen was fired from Two And A Half Men, Ashton Kutcher graciously stepped in to save the show from extinction for the reportedly small fee of $20 million a season. Kutcher's character, Walden Schmidt, isn't like Sheen's: unlike all of the other characters on the show, Walden isn't, nor does he aspire to be, a walking STD. He's just a tall, rich, handsome man who has a huge penis. With possibly the exception of penis size, Kutcher and Schmidt share the exact same physical qualities, so it's very strange that Kutcher's and Schmidt's looks are mentioned constantly, as if those who are capable of viewing a television show are in constant danger of forgetting. It comes up on average about once per episode, from the likes of Marilu Henner, Patton Oswalt, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Amber Tamblyn, Ryan Stiles, Jane Lynch, Mimi Rogers, Hilary Duff, Lynda Carter, Joel Murray (a Murray!), and especially from poor (but most definitely wealthy) Jon Cryer. It's obvious that a "Handsome Awareness Clause" was a key feature in every one of Kutcher's contracts; giving his character a huge hog probably saved CBS an additional million or two.