Screens: Lifetime

'I Just Wanna Focus On The Pig Right Now'

Tori 'saves' a pig, goes to the hospital, and acts like Dean's mom AND kid in the latest (and maybe last) True Tori.

Okay, first of goddamn all: animals ARE NOT TOYS. You don't just enter "baby animal distraction 5 mi" into Yelp, or pull over the party bus when you see a basket of piglets by the side of the road, or however the fuck Tori managed to find Lucy and (I suspect; I'm not a vet) separate her from her mom too early to poison her with cow milk, or whatever the fuck happened. I've had Tori's back more than most commentators, but that's unacceptable. I felt the same barf-screamy anxiety I used to get watching the houses with 41 flattened kittens on Hoarders.

And then Tori senses Dean about to enter full revolt against the reality-show process, and gives herself a two-week sinusitis reprieve in the hospital, and that', I guess, for the season? Dean quite obviously no longer feels obligated to go along with the process out of guilt for cheating on her, and (correctly) believes this is shit they have to work through privately, and Tori's like, we learned a lot, yay?, and that's...the end?

I don't even know, you guys.


Mmmmmmmm hmm.

True Tori-book Element Present?
Dean's "career" is treated as though it's really a thing He's late to therapy because he's at a CSI costume fitting. Allegedly. I'm unclear on the timeline, but it seems like Tori goes into the hospital right when he's supposed to do it? And then we don't hear about it again. Dean seems to have figured out that "this show is bad for my career" is a laughable angle and switched to "this show is bad for our marriage," however.
A super-phony moment accidentally reveals a truth A producer tells Dean, in one of the umpteen protest-too-much conferences he calls with them to complain that their presence is ruining his life or whatevski, tells him he has "to be careful" about ripping up people's releases and whatnot; he means legally, no doubt, but the scene invokes a "...what you wish for," too.
Recovery-speak Courtney gets in the act by telling Tori that "being on this show is enabling" her (Tori) to keep hoarding, sublimating her feels, and so on. Dean also invokes "the program" as why he doesn't want to discuss The Amateur Nanny Situation with the cameras present, which is a genuine concern in the abstract, but in this concrete case we can probably dismiss it as horseshit, because: Dean.
Sure: horse around during sex ed instead of paying attention. That'll work out great Hey, Dean: maybe the "chaos" attending Tori's dealings with your four children proceeds from the fundamentally chaotic existence OF FOUR CHILDREN. But sure, blame her "blocked energy." Yet another instance in which he's "right," but from the wrong direction.
Who's the boss Tori on Dean's ongoing balking at filming: "That doesn't work." Well, really. Later, Dr. Wexler pushes Tori on admitting she's frustrated that Dean's cheating and the subsequent True Tori project has cost her money and opportunities.
Spellings: they're not just like us, at all You do wonder who else is in the house with Dean, both when he takes Tori to urgent care and when he's getting to be Awesome Activity Dad on Halloween, but nothing egregious.
Call me, Tori! Her hair looks great at therapy and I like the black-turtleneck look on her, but I can't get past the pig.
Preach, friend/outsider Everyone is beyond over it with her; we get repeated, baffled talking heads in which her friends are like, "So yeah, she yelled a lot and then bought a pig and isn't dealing. I...guess I can't but I don't know WTF?" Mehran says it's hard to watch her shut down, and Courtney climbs in bed with her and says she's choosing not to change her life and it's practically killing her. "I know," Tori whines, but doesn't.
…Henh? Everything's sadly clear this week, with the possible exception of the provenance of the doomed Lucy, but honestly I really can't think about that anymore.
6 / 9
Final Score
True Tori
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