Sergei Bachlakov / NBC

I Am The Time Machine On Timeless

And time is on my side -- yes it is.

I got shot! WTF?! Seriously, I have had just about enough of this! It was hurtful enough getting pushed aside when Mason Industries decided I wasn't good enough and replaced me with a newer model. What, still being able to travel through time wasn't sufficiently cool? Then, I thought things were turning around after Flynn stole the other machine and I got to go chasing after him.


Sure, I'm traveling through time again, but with the whiniest crew you could imagine. There's the historian who is constantly going on about her sister; the military guy who always seems to be getting captured or beaten up; and Rufus. I like Rufus. I feel for Rufus. It can't be easy being a total physics geek who has to turn all stealthy and macho and ninja-like just because he had the bad luck of being the only guy left who knows how to drive me. (Which, truth be told, really isn't that hard. I'm a big ball that doesn't obey the laws of physics or gravity or shit like that. I mean, it's pretty much like Back To The Future. If Marty McFly can figure it out, pretty much anyone can -- which is not taking anything away from Rufus. He's still the man.) I was pretty happy he was along after one of Flynn's lackeys popped a cap in my ass, though, since Rufus was the only one within two hundred years of this place who had the slightest idea of how to fix me or get us home.

Rufus can also make a pretty good speech. When I was sitting in the woods of Western Pennsylvania oozing hydraulic fluid, Rufus managed to keep some Native Americans from killing the other two idiots on his crew -- which I would've been kind of okay with. ...What?

Sergei Bachlakov / NBC

Sergei Bachlakov / NBC

I'm really hoping these not insignificant acts of courage help Rufus grow a pair and take another pass at Jiya. Rufus, brother, she digs you. Make it happen. If for no other reason than I really need you to stop sharing your woman troubles with me when you think nobody else is listening. I am, and it's getting really annoying.

Fortunately, Rufus also figured out how to blacksmith on the fly, and with a little piece of hammered tin, he was able to fix a multi-billion-dollar machine that defies all scientific logic. He's pretty freaking smart. Imagine how quickly the castaways would have gotten off Gilligan's Island if they had Rufus instead of that dorky "professor." (What was he even a professor of, anyway?)

Sergei Bachlakov / NBC

Sergei Bachlakov / NBC

So we made it back home after getting tractor-beamed in by Jiya. For some reason, she couldn't actually use the phrase "tractor beam" despite describing it by talking about the very movie that it happens in. WTF? Does Gene Roddenberry have a trademark on "tractor beam"? It just seemed a bit weird, is all I'm saying. Anyhoo, we popped back into Mason Industries just slightly off target, taking out a few desks in the process.

Also -- the Jiya thing I mentioned earlier? I just overheard one of the maintenance techs working on me say that he saw Jiya make the first move on Rufus. Which, ya know, good for him. Still doesn't change the fact that he's a grown man who can't talk to women. I'm thinking it wouldn't be the worst thing if we needed to chase Flynn to the 1970s Hollywood so Rufus could get a little dating advice from Warren Beatty.

Couldn't hurt.

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