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Reason Zombie viscera.

Rick Grimes, Destroyer Of Worlds

Rick Grimes singlehandedly shows why in the undead apocalypse we can't have nice things.

  • Previously

    Michonne tried to get Sasha to stop being such a lone-wolf hothead, but did that work? Not so much. Carl met Enid, a girl who also survived for a time outside the Alexandria fences. She likes to go back out there. Aaron recruited Daryl to be a recruiter, which is like double recruiter points. He also gave Daryl access to a garage full of motorcycle parts. Carol suggested to Rick that he kill Jessie's husband Pete, which works out great because Rick is so totally horndog for Jessie. On a supply run, Deanna's son Aiden got killed. Then, due to cowardice by Nicholas, Noah got eaten up as well. It was not a great week.

  • Family Matters
    2015-03-23-twd-02

    Somewhat (All Right, A Lot) Damaged

    Who's causing a family crisis? Nine Inch Nails. Also, the Grim Reaper.

    How? The Monroe family is mourning the loss of self-described douchebag Aiden, who was probably a lot nicer to his mother, father, and brother than he was the people he got killed on supply runs. Deanna decides to play a "Run Mix" CD that Aiden left behind. Imagine the worst possible song for the moment. (Spoiler: it's "Somewhat Damaged" by Nine Inch Nails. And it's loud.) Deanna must have thought the music might have helped, but the nihilistic lyrics do the opposite.

    Which relatives have a problem with it? Reg, in particular, who asks Deanna to shut it off after about a full excruciating minute.

    Who's an unlikely ally? Neighbors, who will probably complain about the goddamned noise. And be sorry for your loss.

    Spoiler: If they'd only skipped to the next song; it was "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves!

  • On The Menu
    2015-03-23-twd-03

    For Death, There's Always Casserole

    Someone's son has died tragically and Carol is on it! Unfortunately, supplies of chocolate are low, so you won't get cookies. But you will get some carbs! You'll also get:

    Pasta and Powder: Sure, it's canned and there's not much in the way of fresh meat, but it's made with love and a rocking soundtrack.

    Condolence Card: You don't know Carol very well, but she's scripted a very tasteful, simple note of sympathy that says "We're truly sorry for your loss," one that Deanna will burn upon sight.

    White Ceramic Dish: Feel free to keep it a while, but not too long. You really don't want to piss off Carol.

  • Character Study
    2015-03-23-twd-04

    Don't Go Out With This Guy. And By "Out" I Mean "Outside."

    Name: Nicholas.
    Age: Mid-30s.
    Occupation: Cowardly scout, incompetent gatherer.
    Goal: To pin the blame for Aiden's and Noah's deaths on that no-good bunch of newbies, and to hide the fact that he tried to leave them all behind when things got scary (not to mention Tara, who was unconscious).
    Sample Dialogue: "They wanted to just go. I didn't."
  • I Am Not A Crackpot
    2015-03-23-twd-05

    Dear Congresswoman And Leader of Alexandria, There Are Too Many Video Confessionals For A Post-Apocalyptic Society

    Video can be a great tool for documenting evidence and testimony in any modern society. But it runs on electricity, and frankly, we may not have that forever given that, you know, society has been overrun by the undead? Shouldn't we be using this potentially limited resource for growing weed and keeping delicious ice cream frozen? (Come to think of it, I may just have the munchies.) Do we really need to collect on video every bit of evidence that we could just write down on paper or record as audio? Running a video camera and a computer and maybe a big-screen TV seem like a lot of resources for these dark times. Please eliminate two of these gadgets. I am NOT a crackpot.

  • That Quote
    "We gotta make this work."
    - Sweet, stupid Glenn -
  • Here's An Idea
    2015-03-23-twd-06

    Don't Let Carol Manage Your Love Life

    Carol has come a long way and is great at a lot of things. Killing walkers. Rescuing friends from a cannibal factory. Putting down a kid because it just has to be done. But when it comes to setting up new dating prospects for Rick in their new environment, her skills may be lacking a bit. When she asks Rick, "Have you thought about Pete?" she really means, "Are you going to kill him for abusing his wife and kids?" Carol presses the issue by informing Rick that she has more information about Pete's behavior, including the time he knocked Jessie out and left her bloodied and unconscious, and the way Sam's mom put a bolt on the inside of a closet so he could hide away when his dad's on an alcoholic tear. But most uncomfortably, she knows that Rick wants Jessie, in a carnal (not Caaaaarrllll) way. She's fine with it. As long as the abuser gets his at the hands of Rick.

  • Alert!
    2015-03-23-twd-07

    A Bad Night For A Drunken Walkabout

    Alert Type: Bloodlust Alert.

    Issue: Just after a weird pep talk from Carol, Rick finds himself on the street face-to-face with Pete, who seems to be drunk. Rick has a gun and he's thinking really hard about using it on Pete at that moment.

    Complicating Factors: Pete hasn't really done anything in the moment yet, so Rick can't claim self-defense. Also, Pete has a wife and kids and they would be pretty upset if Pete were suddenly killed once they got over being relieved that their abuser is gone.

    Resolution: Rick tells a befuddled Pete, very intensely, "Keep walking."

    Spoiler: Pete's not going to forget this, despite his alcoholic intake.

  • Symbolism
    2015-03-23-twd-08

    Michonne's Wardrobe Is Talking To Her

    The Scene: Michonne is waking up at 6:30 AM in a normal bed and she's pondering her clothes and station in life.

    The Symbol: A jacket next to her as she sleeps and a shirt she pulls out from a laundry basket, plus her constable uniform, which she lays on the bed.

    The Meaning: Clothes are a way for Michonne to assert her identity, as much as her sword, and she's struggling with the transition from sword-wielding badass to officer of the law. In fact, when she finds out Sasha is missing, she wears her regular clothes, not the uniform, to go find her with Rosita and suddenly feels more awake than inside Alexandria. It's also not hard to imagine the piece of clothing next to her in the shape of a child when she woke up was meant to evoke her lost son. And that the T-shirt with the shot-up bird made her think about…going out hunting, maybe?

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  • Awkward
    2015-03-23-twd-10

    Rick's All About Timing

    Situation: Deanna is at her son's fresh grave mourning when Rick strides over to let her know that something needs to be done about Abusive Pete.

    What makes it awkward? The timing. Rick couldn't have waited a few minutes for Deanna to leave the gravesite for this conversation?

    How is order restored? Rick brings up the idea of executing Pete even though he's a surgeon who regularly saves life in Alexandria. "We are not executing anyone. Don't ever suggest it again," Deanna warns. She says she'd never kill Rick, either. "I'd just send you away."

  • Meeting Time
    2015-03-23-twd-11

    Consider Yourself Glenned!

    Who called the meeting? Glenn.

    What's it about? Glenn is putting Nicholas on notice that his cowardly, shitty supply-run methods are stopping as of now. Glenn forbids him to go on any more runs.

    How'd it go? Nicholas feels threatened as anyone would by someone coming up to them and saying they know who you are and it's not good news. He sticks up for himself and says he's been helping defend Alexandria and Glenn just got here. But Glenn insists he's a danger and that he won't be going out anymore if Glenn has anything to do with it. "Is that a threat?" Nicholas asks. Glenn says no, he's saving Nicholas. Aw, nice guy!

  • Love, Hate & Everything In Between
    2015-03-23-twd-12

    In A Tree, By Some Walkers, Almost Killed

    Carl's tracking of Enid in the woods finally pays off, but mostly because Carl is loud like a moose and Enid spots him easily. They bond over their shared trauma, Enid's cool knife, and the knowledge that their dreams will always be filled with visions of killing in the forest. Enid and Carl play "distract the walker" with a kitchen timer and run together in slow motion. But things really heat up when a small herd comes by and Enid hides with Carl in a hollowed-out tree. Enid tells Carl, "It's their world. We're just living in it." And later, in a whisper, "You're afraid of me, too." It's very intimate, very dangerous, and very teen-dreamy. Is this the post-apocalypse version of getting to first base?

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  • And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor
    walkingdead-S5E15-theW

    The W

    Just because it's the end of the world doesn't mean you shouldn't have a little luxury in your life. Why not stay at The W? Conveniently located in major cities you'd probably otherwise avoid, we're here to tell you, we're worth the trouble. And we have lots of vacancies! Watch for our product walkers roaming around; they're happy to lead you to one of our luxury locations. The W is truly the crown jewel in the Starwood family and our undead roaming bellboys are testament to the lengths we'll go to attract your business. Come rest your head on our soft pillows at The W. Lest you forget we're still around.

  • Plot Lightning Round

    Anger Issues

    2015-03-23-twd-14

    It turns out Nicholas has a gun hidden in the woods. It's probably the same one Rick lost a while back. That sneaky Nicholas!

    2015-03-23-twd-15

    Sasha is on another tear, trying to kill every walker in the world with her gun as if she could possibly make a dent in the undead population. Maybe Michonne and Rosita can help. Sasha tells them she's sick of playing defense. So she's going to go play some really dumb offense.

    2015-03-23-twd-16 2015-03-23-twd-17

    While Sasha is playing badass, Michonne has a series of flashbacks to her own days as a ruthless warrior, cutting heads off left and right. And then left again. And lots more on the right.

    2015-03-23-twd-18

    Sasha resumes shooting, but runs out of bullets in her clip and gets surrounded. She starts knifing heads instead, but is outnumbered. One walker pins her down and almost bites her.

    2015-03-23-twd-19

    Michonne saves Sasha, but does she get a thank you? No. No, she does not.

    2015-03-23-twd-20

    Sasha gets very defensive, but just when it looks like she's going to do something stupid, she shows some vulnerability and expresses remorse for telling Noah he wasn't going to survive. Well, you were right on about that one, but we feel ya, Sasha. Life is hard and you're having a hard time.

    2015-03-23-twd-21

    Meanwhile, Daryl and Aaron, tracking down what they think is a human out in the woods, come across a freshly strung up body with the "W" marking on the head.

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    Also, it wakes up undead. They knife it back to death.

  • Wanted

    Wanted

    2015-03-23-twd-23

    for harassing married ladies

    Name: Rick Grimes

    Last Seen: In Jessie's garage, trying to convince her that letting the constable kill her husband wouldn't be so bad because he's abusive.

    Likely Punishment: Has to date Jessie, a woman he barely knows, once her husband is dead or exiled.

    Reward: You get to wear Carl's hat for a day.

  • Snapshot
    2015-03-23-twd-24

    That Red Balloon Makes Me Passionate!

    Rick tries to calm himself down after being given the brush-off by Jessie (choice excerpt: "I'm married!"), but being out in the calm, idyllic town only makes Rick angrier and antsier. He sees the elderly couple that loves babies chatting away, someone reading by the security fence, and lastly a kid with a red balloon skipping along like there's nothing wrong with the world. It makes Rick angry that these people don't get that they're in danger every second. He must warn them!

  • Meeting Time
    2015-03-23-twd-25

    Woo Jessie, Kill Husband Project, Take Two

    Who called the meeting? Rick, by barging into Jessie's house.

    What's it about? Rick is going to give this another try to convince her that Pete's gotta go.

    How'd it go? Better than the last time when Jessie threw him out. Rick finds her crying. He tells her that Sam asked for a gun to protect her. Rick tries to explain that being in Alexandria is no different than being outside. "If you don't fight, you die," he tells her. He says he doesn't want her to die and he can help keep her and the boys safe. She asks if he'd do this for anyone, or just her. "No," he says, he wouldn't do it for just anyone. Jessie finally relents and tells Rick she wants his help. But TV being what it is, that's exactly the moment that Drunk Pete shows up. Uh-oh!

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
    2015-03-23-twd-26

    Self-Righteous Rick vs. Drunk Pete

    Pete, of course, is not happy that Rick is in his house talking to his wife and that Jessie wants Pete to go. Pete yells at her in front of Rick and Rick says steadily that they're both going to go. Pete's not having it.

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    He takes a swing at Rick, Rick punches back and soon they're throwing each other around Jessie's living room.

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    Nicholas, Glenn, and others in town rush over to help, or at least watch a good fight.

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    Jessie tries to pull Pete off but gets smacked in the face.

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    Carl tries the same with Rick and gets pushed roughly away. Only the appearance of Deanna stops the fight.

    Winner: Rick, temporarily, until he opens his mouth to talk.

  • Symbolism
    2015-03-23-twd-32

    I Feel Like I've Seen This Balloon Before

    The Scene: Rick and Pete are beating each other on the street as the town watches.

    The Symbol: The red balloon Rick saw a child holding earlier. Now it's floating away in the air.

    The Meaning: Alexandria's innocence is going away, but it's really because of Rick.

  • Hell No!
    2015-03-23-twd-33

    Maybe Send A Note Instead Next Time, Rick

    A bloodied, beaten Rick, just after threatening to kill Pete, gives a rambling speech to the town that would be a lot more convincing if he weren't waving his gun around at innocent people. Rick insists that the way the town is being run is going to get everyone killed because they're planning and hesitating instead of acting. "Your way of doing this is done!" Rick yells at Deanna. Deanne says it's clear things have to change, insinuating it's Rick that's gotta go. He gets offended at that, saying he's not going to just stand by while they destroy the town. Maybe try a little bit smoother next time, Rick.

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    As this is all happening, Sasha is in the tower, taking out walkers at the fence, including another with a W on its head.

  • Hell Yeah!
    walkingdead-S5E15-michonnehit

    Michonne With The Great Timing

    What can be said? Michonne is there at the right time and right place to shut Rick up by knocking him unconscious. Would it have been even better about 30 seconds earlier? Sure, but it made it even more obvious who should really be leading the group.

For Dick Week we ask:

Why the hell is Rick such a damn dick?

  • Deep trauma over Lori's death.
  • Intense horniness.
  • Got infected by Shane before Shane died, but with dickishness.
  • Haven't you heard? It's the Dickpocalypse! Only the dick survive.
  • Knowledge that he will never be as cool as Michonne, Daryl, or Carol.
  • Maintaining that accent for so long does things to a man.
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