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On The Walking Dead, The Miseducation Of Carl Grimes

Negan's world gets more details as Carl gets a tour and Alexandrians scramble to make attack plans in another 90-minute episode.

  • Continuity
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    Stacking? I'll Show You Stacking

    Michonne is again seeing the mattresses that Negan's crew put out in the road and burned just to fuck with Alexandria, and it gives her an idea. She does an Omar Little tribute, whistling "Farmer In The Dell" to draw out some walkers, quickly dispatches them, then drags them off for some reason, leaving her sword and walkie-talkie behind.

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    I smell a plan!

  • Travel
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    And They Will Know Us By The Trail Of Mrs. Butterworth

    Carl and Jesus are still riding the back of a supply truck that has the back unwisely open for everything to fall out or people to sneak in (are Negan's people really supposed to be this dumb?). Anyway, Jesus gets the feeling they're almost arriving, so he starts dumping syrup as a trail (for ants?) and then tells Carl they'll have to roll out as the truck is moving. Carl has no idea how to do this, so he asks Jesus to go first. Jesus rolls out.

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    But Carl stays in the truck all, "Byyyyyyyyyye!" because he never had any intention of getting out early. Jesus is like, "Fool me once, Carl! Fool me twice and your soul is forfeit."

  • J. Walter Weather­man Lesson
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    Winging It Much, Carl?

    Carl arrives at Negan's, and as soon as he's found he begins shooting and then demands to have at the leader. "He killed my friends. No one else needs to die!" Carl shouts, except he already did kill someone. Negan, who isn't even bothering to hide much, is delighted. "You are adorable!" he says. Carl doesn't last long with the gun. He's knocked down by Dwight and taken prisoner immediately. We pan over to see that Negan's lair is well defended with chained-up zombies and is in a giant industrial building. So, wait, explain to me again why Carl didn't try to shoot Negan first? Or at all?

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  • Citizen Journal­ism
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    We Had A Visitor Today!

    First, here's the big news: we're getting fresh vegetables tonight, boo-YA! And it's not going to cost us any points, even! All hail Negan! Now, I'm hoping for something in a corn or a green bean, not some bullshit red pepper or sprouts. Anyhoo, the other big news is that we have a visitor in town, some one-eyed kid wearing a goofy wide-brimmed hat. If my sources are correct, the kid's name is "Carl" or "Coral" or something like that. Negan seems to really like this kid, he keeps not bashing him on the head with Lucille and making jovial jokes about the teen's dad. Weirdly, it's almost as if Negan is trying to impress him, but you didn't hear that from me, I'm not going to lose points or get a hand chopped off spreading rumors, ha ha ha. Anyway, we all kneeled and it was great and we have vegetables coming soon and maybe this goofy-looking kid with the feathered hair will keep our glorious leader in a good mood. We can only hope! I'm Trawly Smith, reporting for the Negan Herald-Times Handwritten Newsletter.

  • Meeting Time
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    The First And Second And Third And Fourth And Fifth And More Wives' Club

    Who called the meeting? Negan.

    What's it about? Negan wants to show off his harem of wives to Carl, advising him, "You're gonna want to look at their titties." But he's also there to investigate why one of them, Amber, has been off seeing a guy named Mark behind his back. He warns her that she can go back, but that she, Mark and her mother will end up on the same job, which is probably something really terrible and dangerous.

    How'd it go? Incredibly tense and awkward! Negan questions Sherry, who keeps calling him an asshole in so many words, but also has to make out with him just as Daryl and her ex-husband Dwight are walking in. Negan terrifies Amber, who agrees to stay on with him despite what she knows will happen to Mark. Spoiler: it's not going to be pretty.

  • That Quote
    "What you're saying doesn't make you a sinner. But it does make you a tremendous shit."
    - Father Gabriel to Spencer, who was wishing death on Rick -
  • We Made A List
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    All The Things That Happen In A Super-Long Scene Between Negan And Carl

    • Carl asks if those are all Negan's wives. Yep! They totally are.
    • Negan coerces Carl to take off his eye bandage.
    • Carl shows off his socket, prompting Negan to be all, "Christ! That is disgusting! That's gross as hell!" But gleefully.
    • Negan asks to touch the wound. But doesn't, in the end.
    • Carl almost cries, which somehow touches Negan, who is suddenly apologetic and seemingly kind.
    • Fat Joey walks in with Lucille, which Negan left behind when Carl arrived.
    • Negan asks "Fat Joseph" if he treated Lucille like a lady and pet her little pussy like a lady.
    • Fooled ya! "Baseball bats don't have a pussy!" Negan exclaims. Wow.
    • Negan praises the art of breaking balls, something he feels Rick should be teaching Carl.
    • Carl is forced to sing a song, any song. He chooses "You Are My Sunshine."
    • Negan swings Lucille around the room menacingly as Carl tunelessly sings. It's painful in all kinds of ways.
    • On the subject of his mom, Carl reveals that he killed Lori before she could turn. Negan respects that.
  • Hell No!
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    Oh, The Ironing!

    Negan is a man of rules and one rule he can't have is one of his wives cheating on him. (It's not a fair rule, but it's highly enforced.) Mark, who has been having relations with one of Negan's wives, Amber, gets punished with a hot iron in the side of the face, the same treatment Dwight got a while back, in front of a large crowd. It's hot. It's sticky. It's gross. Mark passes out and pisses himself, which Daryl is asked to clean up. More torture, anyone?

  • Plot Lightning Round
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    Spencer, who is off on his own on a supply run after Rosita and Eugene went their own way and Father Gabriel asked to be let out of his car to walk back, finds a walker up in a tree in the woods with a nice crossbow attached. He gets the walker down and finds a note in a pocket...it's in Latin, though.

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    Rosita has forced Eugene to go to a bullet-making factory and now he's got qualms. "Make me a bullet," she keeps demanding. She calls him a "pendejo" for not wanting to avenge Abraham despite the numbers being against them. There's no talking Rosita out of it. She wants a bullet. Period. And she's willing to make Eugene cry to get one.

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    Negan tells Carl that his exposed eye is going to stay out because he likes looking at it. Carl wants to know why Negan hasn't killed him, or Daryl, or Rick. Negan says Daryl will be a good soldier, Rick will be a good supplier, and Carl...he'll just have to see. Carl, pissed off that Negan is trying to ingratiate himself, advises Negan to throw himself out of a window to save Carl the trouble of killing him. Boy, does Negan love that! Everything Carl says just makes Negan like him even more.

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    Jesus is hitching a ride into town on the same truck that's about to take Negan and Carl back to Alexandria. Just as Negan is giving Daryl the finger and ordering him to go back in solitary, Jesus disappears off the truck.

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    Jesus must work in quick, in addition to mysterious, ways because right after that, Daryl gets a note that reads "Go Now" in his cell. A rescue, maybe!

  • Here's An Idea
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    Don't Let Michonne Sneak Up On You

    A Negan truck stops in the road due to a stack of zombies. Turns out it's just a trap laid by Michonne in order to get the jump, and some directions, on one of Negan's minions (who, unwisely, is traveling alone). The woman resists, but Michonne slams her face into the steering wheel and demands, "Take me to Negan."

  • Awkward
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    Not Cool: Making Olivia Cry

    Situation: Negan shows up in Alexandria with Carl in tow looking for Rick. Instead, he finds Olivia, who says Rick is out making a long-range supply run and that he may not be back soon. Then she mentions that supplies are low and that they're all practically starving, which takes Negan aback and leads down an unfortunate path.

    What makes it awkward? Negan expresses disbelief that anyone is starving given Olivia's weight and that makes her burst into tears. Negan, all, "Seriously?", decides nobody in Alexandria can take a joke, then does his best to offer what sounds like a sincere apology. Then he makes things worse by offering to screw her brains out. That earns him a hard slap in the face. And Negan plans to stick around for a while until Rick returns.

    How is order restored? "I am about 50 percent more into you now," Negan tells Olivia, meaning he's not going to kill her, but it doesn't make her feel any less horrible. He asks Olivia to make some powdered lemonade.

  • That'll Do
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    Okay, You. That'll Do.

    Jeffrey Dean Morgan is doing wonders with the part and he's easy on the eyes, but when you enter into an unnecessary musical montage five minutes away from the end of a bonus-sized episode, it's time to wonder if too much of Negan has gone way past a long way. Negan grins at carpeting, running water, and, in an unexpected part of the grand tour of Carl's house, finds baby Judith. Negan is absolutely thrilled, of course.

  • Wrap It Up
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    Rick and Aaron have spent the episode trying to track down something without Negan's knowledge and it appears they've found something. A weapon stash possibly belonging to a dead man.

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    It appears to be pretty well-guarded. What could Rick and Aaron want with a bunch of guns and ammo?

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    Rosita, enjoying her one bullet, gets a lecture from Eugene for treating him so badly.

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    Spencer shows up and it turns out the Latin text directed him to medical supplies, food, and water purifiers. He thanks his dead mom for making him stick with Latin. Hear that, kids? Stay in school! As the Alexandria gates open, Rosita, Eugene, and Spencer realize that Negan is in town.

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    As completely unnecessary scary music swells, Negan makes jokes about killing and burying Rick and Carl and settling into the suburbs as he plays with Judith.

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