Maggie And Sasha Learn That The Hilltop Is Super-Stupid On The Walking Dead

A bad leader, no citizens of note except Jesus, and now Enid's there. PASS.

  • Health
    From the desk of

    Doctor Carson, Hilltop Physician


    Maggie Rhee


    Patient has suffered one fucking insane trauma, and I mean like the kind of shit everybody was talking about because it was so horrible and disgusting. Apart from that, she's got abruptio placentae, which is a spell from Harry Potter, but also a separation of the placenta and the uterus. But the separation is small and the baby's heartbeat is normal.


    Lots of rest, get some grieving time, stay at The Hilltop in case anything happens with the baby, and absolutely no killing zombies, for reals.

    Miss Glenn a lot
    All right, maybe kill a few undead, but don't strain too hard.
    Bow to the patriarchy.

  • Place Of Interest

    Here Lie Two Unfortunate Souls

    The final resting place of both Abraham and Glenn is a set of unremarkable graves inside The Hilltop. Maggie lays Hershel's watch on the grave and she fills in Sasha on the need to stay close to the doctor for the duration of the pregnancy. Then Jesus joins in to offer some flowers and benevolent words because he's just that kind of Jesus.

  • That'll Do

    Oh, Right, This Pedantic Asshole

    Nobody can ruin a calming vibe like Gregory, the leader of The Hilltop, who shows up at the graves and confronts Maggie, Sasha, and Jesus about what happened with The Saviors and to basically throw Maggie and Sasha out of the town. He's super-scared and lashing out and freaking out that he has to keep track of things like actual names of people. He's upset that Alexandria didn't take care of his Negan problem and that he'll lose plausible deniability that he colluded with them on this deal gone sour. Dude's got a point, but his sweaty, flailing handling of the situation is just painful to watch. "Look, I'm a good guy," he insists, convincing absolutely no one. And he doesn't win more points when Maggie says she's pregnant and he replies, "Well, that's her mistake." Oh, what a delight he is!

  • Here's An Idea

    Don't Play Darts When You've Just Lost An Eye

    Carl has a few reasons to be frustrated. He lost an eye and is complete shit at darts now. He doesn't agree with his father's appeasement strategy vis-à-vis Negan. His hair is long and lush, but lacks significant body and bounce. And he doesn't want to go with Rick on some stupid supply run. So he's stuck at home watching Judith and trying to get Michonne to see his side of things (she probably does, but won't go against Rick's word). In short, it sucks to be Carl right now!

  • Hell Yeah!

    Richonne Is Still A Thing

    In case you were wondering, like I was last week, whether Michonne's passion for Rick has been extinguished by his complete emasculation at the hands of Negan, it turns out she still cares for him and gives him one hell of a smooch before he leaves on a supply run. Bet he comes back a day early.

  • That Quote
    "What do you want, Jesus? What do you want this place to be?"
    - Sasha, asking one of the eternal questions -
  • Plot Lightning Round

    Carl finds Edith trying to climb the Alexandria gate to get out for the millionth time and of course he tries to stop her plan to go on her own to find Maggie at The Hilltop. "I have better aim than you," she tells Carl, then apologizes because, way harsh, Tai.


    Sasha and Jesus try to figure out a way that Maggie can stay at The Hilltop, but Jesus shows that he doesn't really want to be a leader, he just wants to help out. He gives Sasha the necklace he found on Abraham, which was actually from Rosita. Whoops.


    Enid finds a gross walker, but before she can decide whether to kill it, it's run down by the world's worst driver, a kid named Carl who never got a learner's permit. "Felt like a drive," he sasses. Shut up and go cut your hair, Carl.

  • Alert!

    This Seems Like Very Passive-Aggressive Retribution

    Alert Type: Staged Zombie Attack Set-Piece Alert.

    Issue: In the middle of the night at The Hilltop, a loud Beethoven symphony begins playing and it turns out the town gates have been opened and fires lit to draw the undead. Now, Maggie, Jesus, and Sasha have to pretty much handle it completely on their own because everyone else in town is a wuss or a doctor who needs plenty of healthy sleep.

    Complicating Factors: The car is sealed up tight, so there's no easy to way to get in and shut off the music.


    Resolution: Maggie employs a tractor. For real. And kills some undead along the way.

    2016-11-21-twd-11 2016-11-21-twd-tractor

    Spoiler: Check out the cheesy dropkick-against-fire employed by Jesus.

  • Love, Hate & Everything In Between

    Roller Skates: Like Liquor And Desire But For Teenagers

    Carl and Enid's new courtship is astonishingly quick. Now that they're on the road together heading to The Hilltop, they talk about the horrible thing that happened to their friends at the hands (and bat) of Negan and how Carl had to look, to bear witness and remember. Enid, for her part, is glad she didn't see it and isn't even mad that Carl locked her in the armory to keep her from going. Then Carl finds two (!) sets of roller skates in a backpack he comes across and all of a sudden they don't have a care in the world! Somehow Carl thinks that he and Enid can just show up at Negan's and kill him and because he is young and stupid but confident, it somehow makes sense to Enid, who kisses him before she says goodbye and heads to Hilltop. It makes no sense, but neither does young love.

  • Meeting Time

    When Weak Leadership Meets Extreme Cowardice

    Who called the meeting? Fucking Gregory.

    What's it about? Gregory wants to assert his command of The Hilltop, mostly by belittling Jesus's unwillingness to take charge, mansplaining to Sasha and Maggie while also continually forgetting everyone's names, and drinking way too much.

    How'd it go? It could not have gone any more poorly! Gregory is unwilling to allow Sasha and Maggie to stay in the town because he believes it will set off The Saviors if they're discovered. He also sort of makes a weird pass at Sasha and then acts offended when Maggie notices and tells him to "Go to hell." But things are interrupted when The Saviors show up and Gregory demands that the three of them go hide in a closet.

  • Symbolism

    A Painted Masterpiece For A Paint-By-Numbers Scene

    The Scene: Negan's general Simon has brought his whole gang of louts to Gregory's mansion, but he wants to speak to Gregory alone. He does so in Gregory's office.

    The Symbol: Gregory's fine painting, the one he bragged about to Maggie at one point. It depicts a leader on horseback, a bird of peace overhead.

    The Meaning: According to Simon, it means "Management by example." As if to prove the point, he ends up taking the painting from Gregory as a way of showing "I'm your Negan." He also makes Gregory kneel.

  • And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor

    Finely Aged, Tradeable Scotch!

    Are you looking for leverage with a gang of thugs who could kill you at any moment? Did you miscalculate in a gambit to expose some people you don't like who are hiding in your town? Why not save the moment with delicious, brown scotch? Sure, some might prefer the clearer zing of gin, but we bet that someone knows a guy, maybe even a boss, who prefers the sophistication of sweet, boozy scotch. Give them a whole box and you've made a friend for life!

  • Awkward

    Bad Move, Gregory

    Situation: Gregory tried to sell out Maggie and Sasha to Simon and his crew and now that they're gone, he has to deal with the two of them, plus Jesus, who is always watching and judging.

    What makes it awkward? Gregory isn't much of a leader and he knows it. And he's still forgetting people's names.

    How is order restored? Jesus threatens to make the deal with Alexandria public. So he forces Gregory to allow Maggie and Sasha to stay in town and for Gregory to cede some of his power. "We're all going to be one big, happy dysfunctional family," Jesus demands. Then Maggie punches Gregory for taking Maggie's watch from Glenn's grave. And you can call her "Maggie Rhee," by the way.

  • Wrap It Up

    Jesus explains later to Maggie and Sasha that Gregory came to power because really nobody else stepped up, and maybe that was a mistake. Ya think, Jesus? He also hints that someone (Maggie) should take over (Maggie) and be in charge (Maggie) someday, but he won't (Maggie) say whom (Maggie) that should (Maggie).


    Sasha has some sort of plan, but wants Jesus to keep it from Maggie. Uh oh!


    At Glenn's grave, Maggie finds Enid waiting for her. She gives Enid the watch because she knows she doesn't need a keepsake or a grave marker to remember Glenn, unlike Enid, who brought balloons.


    Jesus sneaks into the Negan truck in order to get some information for Sasha, who is busy sharpening her knife and chomping on a cigar.


    And guess who's also in tow? Well, this ought to go perfectly!

Readers disliked this episode
What did you think?