This article has some content you might find disturbing!Reason Gore, bisected faces, etc.
Love Is Probably Not Worth It
Glenn risks everything, including viewers' patience, for Maggie, while Daryl learns to say "Claimed," and Carl eats more chocolate.
Beth and Daryl were separated when she apparently took off in a car (or was driven off as a captive). Daryl subsequently joined up with a group of honky-tonk survivalists led by a guy named Joe, pretty much against his will. Glenn, on his quest to find Maggie, instead encountered Dr. Eugene Porter and Sgt. Abraham Ford, two mismatched knuckleheads trying to get to Washington, D.C. to save the world. Eugene shot up a military vehicle, so now everybody's walking. Rick, Carl, and Michonne made their way to Terminus.
Situation: Dr. Eugene Porter. His whole self is an awkward situation.
What makes it awkward? Not long after shooting up the armored transportation they so desperately need, Porter makes small talk with his new traveling buddy Tara by boring her with a theory that the same thing that killed everyone might have also killed the dinosaurs, and by saying that a coin they found on the train tracks could help generate some electricity. Oh, and then he starts talking about video games, asking what kind of gamer she used to be. Did she like RPGs, shmups (shoot-'em-ups), or racing sims?
Who's feeling awkward about it? Certainly not mulleted Eugene, who won't STFU.
How is order restored? Tara wisely does not encourage this line of conversation and must figure he'll just wear himself out if he keeps talking long enough.
The Mustache And I Are Cool With Lesbians
Alert Type: Sexual Orientation Awareness Alert.
Issue: Abraham thought that Tara was in love with Glenn and that's why she's helping him, but after careful observation (he caught her looking down Fly Girl Rosita's shirt), he has determined that she swings the other way. And that's totally cool with Abraham.
Complicating Factors: Eugene might also be checking out Rosita's Espositos.
Resolution: Tara and Abraham leave that discussion behind quickly as Tara wonders what a soldier does when their mission is over.
Spoiler: It's likely Eugene also has a crush on Tara.
Love On The Run
This is what Glenn's face looks like when he sees a sign from Maggie, Sasha, and Bob telling him to go to Terminus and then runs at top speed with no regards as to the rest of his group or whether there are walkers up ahead. This is, then, a very good illustration of the way love makes you stupid.
Even For A Walker, This Is A Pretty Bad Day
Wandering around by the railroad tracks seeking meat for all eternity is no way for a walker to live (so they don't), but do the humans really need to add horrible insult to pointless injury? Take this poor bastard, who spots a sleeping group of middle-aged men lying down in the middle of the woods, all buffet-like. How is a walker to know that these guys are not to be eaten? First, the walker sets off the grisly barbed-wire-and-noisy-cans perimeter trap, gashing off much of his remaining face; then he gets bayonetted in the head.
Then he gets peed on. A move also known as the "Zombpee." (tm Glark)
Today did not go as planned.
Tracks: The Game
What's the game? Who Can Balance Longest On Train-Track Rails?
Who's playing? Carl and Michonne. Rick has to be the parent and be both exasperated and in a hurry, as well as charmed by his son and Michonne having some fun.
What's at stake? Winner's choice of candy bars: Cruncho or BigCat
Who wins? Carl, though it looks like Michonne probably threw the game to give him the chance to say again, "I win." Carl loves Michonne so much that he splits the candy with her anyway. Rick gets no candy. What about Dad? Why don't dads get some goddamn chocolate, too?!
That Quote"Claimed!"Len, making the biggest mistake of his life by trying to claim Daryl's rabbit kill
Fair Joe is fair, as far as we know
Joe, the silver-haired, cowboy-shirt-wearing leader of the marauders who've dragged Daryl along for the ride, may not be so bad. Sure, he's leading a group of men who, in the context of searching the house where Rick and Carl were staying, appear to condone killing, rape, and beating each other up over a bed. But Joe himself appears to have a strict code, rules of the road, to keep his men in line. It amounts to the word "Claimed," calling out dibs for weapons, hunted rabbits, and, most disgustingly, who/what to bed at night. He seems to take a liking to Daryl; instead of killing him, he lets Daryl come along, and tries to set Daryl straight about not cheating or lying or trying to go it alone.
Name: Joe. Age: Mid-50s. Occupation: Survivalist and order-restorer. Goal: To keep middle-aged white guys in line with his folksy brand of wisdom and violence. And to track down Rick. Sample Dialogue: "I laid out some rules of the road to keep things from going Darwin every couple of hours."
From The Top Turnbuckle!
Glenn is determined to find Maggie, like, right now, and won't even allow the group to take a rest at a tower they find. Before anyone can argue, a walker appears from above and dives to its end. Its messy, splattery, explode-y end. Leaping Lanny Poffo this walker ain't. Tara hurts her leg in the confusion and bumping, but Glenn makes her come along anyway, giving Eugene his riot gear in exchange for Abraham agreeing to keep the group walking 'til sundown. Because Glenn loves Maggie so much, you see.
That Quote"Ain't nothin' sadder than an outdoor cat thinks he's an indoor cat."Joe, trying to appeal to Daryl's outdoor-cat nature
Get The Look: Reluctant +2 Armor-Wearer
Eugene would rather be playing video games than trudging along train tracks wearing Glenn's sweaty-ass riot gear, but since it's meant to protect him and Abraham is all about that, it's probably useless to argue against this imposed fashion choice. Here's what's needed to complete Eugene's look:
Glenn's Riot Vest And Padding: You don't want it. You didn't ask for it. It's hot as balls in this thing. But probably safer.
Untucked Shirt: Here's hoping that the next undead riot is, you know, kinda informal and laid back.
Blank Look: Eugene is here, but he's not really here. In his mind, he's playing an elaborate, offline, solo version of Guild Wars 2.
Mullet: Optional, but recommended.
Here's An Idea
Go around the danger, not through it!
If Stephen King's The Stand taught us anything, it's that going through a lengthy tunnel full of dead things is never a good idea. But Glenn, still with the Maggie thing, insists he's going to catch up to her by going through a very dark tunnel where walkers can clearly be heard instead of taking a day to go around. Tara decides to come along but Abraham, Fly Girl, and Eugene opt out. Good luck with that tunnel, Glenn, you fucking idiot!
Let's Learn About Tara
Who called the meeting? The Committee For The Development Of Tertiary Characters.
What's it about? Tara wants to reveal why she's so devoted to Glenn; it's because she didn't stop the attack that led to Hershel getting beheaded by The Governor, and she feels responsible.
How'd it go? Fine, except that it doesn't really ring true. She was more traumatized by seeing a total stranger getting beheaded than by seeing her own niece dead and her own sister mauled to death by walkers? Sure, she might feel guilt for getting Hershel killed, but how about feeling remorse for getting your whole family and new girlfriend slaughtered because you trusted The Governor? That seems like a better place to park your shitty feelings.
Plot Lightning Round
Roger Waters Does Not Present: The Wall
Glenn is further convinced that Maggie & Co. went through the tunnel when Tara finds what she believes is fresh blood on the ground. That, coupled with the freshly painted sign outside, makes Glenn believe he has to do this, despite all rational reasoning to the contrary. Glenn sees that a chunk of concrete from the ceiling appears to have fallen, trapping a bunch of walkers underneath rubble.
Glenn decides to climb over the rubble, stabbing trapped walkers in the head as he goes. Tara, still injured, somehow manages to follow.
Unfortunately, he attracts a huge zombie horde.
But, keeping priorities in check, Glenn does a face inspection to make sure one of the undead isn't Maggie. Tara, finally speaking up for herself, says they have to find another way instead of just pushing through like Glenn wants.
Second Death By Minivan
Abraham, Fly Girl, and Eugene are clearing out cars when Abraham finds this lady. He uses the sliding door to pin her and stabs her in the head. Then he drags her out of the van and begins airing out the car. It's only after he peeks at the window that he sees this message.
Abraham doesn't dwell on the writing. He uses the windshield wiper to get rid of it.
That Quote"I cannot abide a reality where you are the chosen navigator over a son of the South, who has successfully negotiated the travails and vagaries of journeys both real and virtual."Eugene, talking Fly Girl out of her map
Nice Try, Walker...
...but undead shadow puppets will never be as scary as undead reality.
Love, Hate & Everything In Between
He's A Genius At Being A Sweetie
Eugene may seem a little nerdy (all right, a lot nerdy), but he demonstrates he's got a good heart when he tricks Rosita into driving in a circle and Abraham into taking a nap in order to end up at the other side of the tunnel so that if Glenn and Tara emerge, there'll be there to meet them. Maybe he could have found another way to do it without trickery, but the message is clear: Eugene thinks Glenn and Tara are good people, he wants to protect them, and he says that even if he saves the world, he'll still have to live with himself afterward. Awww. +3 Charisma for Eugene!
R.I.P. Len The Lying Asshole (1978-present est.)
Len sealed his own fate by crossing Daryl, whom Joe took a shine to. When Len argued with Daryl about a rabbit they both crossbowed, Joe split the rabbit in two for them. But when Len later accused Daryl of stealing his half, Joe was ready to call bullshit; he saw Len plant the piece in Daryl's bag while Daryl was outside peeing. Joe's sick and tired of Len's lying ways, so he calls on the others to give Len a beating. One that doesn't stop until he's a bloody spot on the floor and, later, a dead body outside for Daryl to feel conflicted about.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Glenn And Tara vs. Almost Certain Death
Injured Tara gets her foot trapped, James Franco-style, in the tunnel as they're trying to get over the rubble. The walkers are coming. What's Glenn to do?
Tara yells at him to leave her and go save Maggie. Glenn refuses.
So he unloads as many bullets as he has into the approaching walkers.
Just as he's run out of bullets and the walkers are about to chow down...what are those, headlights?
It's the cavalry! And they brought guns!
The walkers take fire.
And the walkers go down.
And, holy shit, it's Maggie! I guess Glenn was right all along. Doesn't seem fair, really.
Winner: Glenn and true love, I guess.
Abraham Has A Plan, But That Doesn't Last
Who called the meeting? Abraham, by way of others asking about Eugene's mission.
What's it about? What to do next now that Terminus is only about a day away.
How'd it go? Fine for Abraham, who is determined to get to Washington with no distractions, until Eugene pipes up that they should go to Terminus to refuel, try to find a safer vehicle, and maybe recruit some more people to head to D.C. That's fine by Bob and Sasha, who want to go to Terminus to see if Tyreese is there. Because he believes Eugene is so damned smart, Abraham goes along with the amended plan.
Love, Hate & Everything In Between
The Disgusting Love Of Glenn And Maggie
Glenn and Maggie: "You're beautiful." "No, you are!" "I love you." "I love you, too." "Okay, let's kiss." "Mmm, that was a good kiss!" "Hey, who's that girl?" "That's Tara." "Is she important?" "Not really!" "Fine, I'll hug her anyway." "Cool, I'll lie about meeting her randomly on the road." "Hey, what's this?" "Oh, that's a picture of you I took." "You should burn it." "Burn it?" "Yeah, because you'll never need a picture of me because I'll never get killed or leave again!" "Oh, that's awesome! Here, let's light that sucker up." "Aw, it burns like my love for you." "And my love for you." "Oh, hey, I shot the ceiling and that's what caused the tunnel to collapse." "Ha ha, I almost got killed over that!" "Oh, Glenn." "Oh, Maggie." "I love you." "I love you more." "Let's make out." "Okay." (Tunnel collapses on both of them, I wish.)
A Wizard Did It
In Georgia, Everybody Knows Each Other
Joe is explaining to Daryl that they're after some bastard who was hiding in a house they'd occupied. Of course, we know it was Rick, but Daryl just thinks it's some scumbag who killed one of their crew and let the fresh walker loose on the crew. It turns out that not only is this a massive coincidence, but the guy who was choked out and saw Rick's face wasn't killed. He's still alive and remembers what Rick looks like. And they just passed the candy-bar wrapper that Carl tossed aside, so a confrontation is coming, despite all the unlikely dots that had to connect for it to happen.
Wrap It Up
Our weary travelers finally see something they like for a change.
Do you guys think this is the place? I mean, could there be more than one Terminus? Maybe there's more letters on the other side of the building? Maybe it says "Not" on the left? We should check that.
Well, the security seems a bit lax. Maybe they have a peace treaty with the walkers or something.
Hey, it's the sunflowers from Plants vs. Zombies! They sure grow lots of vegetables here.
Well, that's not ominous. Someone grilling with her back to us, totally vulnerable and exposed?
Guys, be cool. Don't look too desperate. Say we're still shopping around for a place to live and don't take her first offer.
Her name is Mary. She says, "Welcome to Terminus." What could possibly go wrong?