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Photo: Gene Page / AMC

Carol Of The Hells

If you pose a threat to the survivors, you might get burned by the prison's mother hen. Literally.

  • Previously

    Nerd newbie Patrick (Vincent Martella) started a prison walker outbreak by catching flu and dying, the survivors tried to figure out how to contain it, Carol (Melissa McBride) inherited two daughters from their dying daddy, Karen (Melissa Ponzio) got very sick, and her boyfriend Tyreese (Chad L. Coleman) went to deliver flowers to her but instead found her and another guy charred to a crisp.

  • Love, Hate & Everything In Between
    Screens: AMC

    Screens: AMC

    Baby, Can You Dig Your Man?

    The relationship between Glenn (Steven Yeun) and Maggie (Lauren Cohan) has entered the familiar "concurrently digging separate graves for dead friends while having to maintain a safe distance to avoid sudden flu-outbreak germs" stage.

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
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    Tyreese vs. Everybody

    Still hot after finding his girlfriend even hotter as a burned body, Tyreese lashes out at Rick, demanding that he use his magical cop skills to find the murderer. Daryl (Norman Reedus) tries to pull Tyreese off and gets slammed into cell bars. Rick (Andrew Lincoln) tries calming Tyreese down and gets two punches in the face while Carol backs away and watches in horror. Rick turns things around and starts beating up Tyreese but also loses control and has to be pulled off. Tyreese, who has been so calm until now, goes from blind rage to sobbing on the ground as a rattled Rick stares at his own bloodied knuckles. Relax, guys, things are about to get much worse.

    Winner: Rick and the crew, but just barely.

  • That Quote
    "If it's walkers, if it's people, we can do something. We can fight. But with this, I'm just…I'm just digging graves."
    - Glenn -

  • Here's An Idea
    walking dead S4E3 coughinggif

    Hell Is Other (Sick) People. Don't Make It Worse With Your Bloody Loogie

    Not to tell you your business, I mean, you should get to die however you want, but if you're going to cough up a liter of blood, could you hold your hankie just a tiny bit closer? Like maybe an inch away from your mouth instead of a foot? We know being in isolation can't be easy with, what is that, a walker in the next cell? But seriously, keep that shit under control because you're from Woodbury, nobody liked you much in the first place, and they're giving knife blades to the head up in this joint like it's candy canes on Christmas Eve. Sasha (Sonequa Martin-Green) agrees. You're being disgusting. Thanks. And feel better soon!

  • Meeting Time
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    The Council Calls A Meeting

    Who called the meeting? The Survivors' Council For "Oh Shit, What Happened Now!?" Affairs.

    What's it about? Everybody who was in Cell Block D during the walker outbreak appears to be coming down with the Prison Blues Flu. Even Glenn, who is sitting right there in the meeting, sweating and making weird sound effects that nobody else notices. Hershel (Scott Wilson) says everybody has to just get through the symptoms of the illness, but medication from a veterinary college 50 miles away could help.

    How'd it go? Everyone's on the same page. Daryl and Michonne (Danai Gurira) agree to go fetch the meds while Hershel's plan to separate the vulnerable young from everybody else is approved. But, whups, Hershel forgot that he is old and will also be included among the vulnerable. Welcome to lockdown, Santa!

  • Symbolism
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    Was This In Good Will Hunting?

    The Symbol: A skewed painting of a ship in stormy waters with the inscription "Smooth Seas Do Not Make Good Sailors."

    The Scene: Hershel, isolated in the admin building because he's the only old person in the prison, is bored out of his skull as he sits next to the painting. He digs out a coffee mug that reads, "Java Saves" and is still just religious enough to find that super annoying. He probably wants some sweet, sweet bourbon to fill that thing. Instead, he goes out looking for a flu cure in the woods. As one does.

    The Meaning: Leaders like Hershel and Rick are better because of the horrible shit they've gone through. I mean, you would think. Rick did go pretty crazy last season from all of these rough seas, so maybe that was just too much of a bad-good thing.

  • Character Study
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    Jeanette has allergies. Ask anyone!

    You may not know Jeanette, but did you know she has allergies? It's true! She's probably not dying of the flu like everybody else. I mean, the mold in here must be…and the ragweed is just…the pollen count is totally…fine, quarantine it is.

    Name: Jeanette (Sherry Richards).
    Age: Mid-30s.
    Occupation: Allergy Sufferer (Allegedly).
    Goal: To avoid quarantine even though she's coughing and dying like everybody else.
    Sample Dialog: "It's just allergies! They come and go! Ask anybody from Woodbury."
  • Very Useful Stats

    Number of walkers Carl (Chandler Riggs) shoots out in the woods after Hershel tells him it's not necessary:

    Zero.

  • Bad Habits
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    Water Waster

    When one makes such a big deal out of having enough water for all the sick people, going so far as to risk one's life to clear out the water line outside the walker-infested fence, it seems super-duper-crazy suspicious when you dump perfectly good barrels of water in a rage after speaking to Tyreese. You might even say, Carol, that it makes you look guilty of something. Hmm.

  • That Quote
    "Elderberries."
    - Hershel -
  • Plot Lightning Round
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    Carol Unwisely Goes Out For Water Alone

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    This bicycle contraption is entertaining easily amused walkers while Carol works outside the prison fence to unclog a water hose. Walkers are stupid that way. They even still believe Lance Armstrong's lies.

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    All that water hose clanking alerts the walkers at the fence. They ask, "Who's the new girl?"

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    Rick wanders outside and sees what's happening. "Dammit, Carol!"

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    Carol Karate Kid kicks a walker.

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    Then she chops one in the head. Don't mess with Carol, walker jerks!

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    Rick pitches in with his pistol.

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    One more head-stabbing for luck!

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    Rick complains that they were going to do this tomorrow. "We don't know if we get a tomorrow," Carol says.

  • Travel
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    Road Trip!

    Daryl, Michonne, an initially reluctant Tyreese, and new guy Bob (Lawrence Gilliard Jr.) are off to the vet university (Pet U.?) to get the meds that could save all their sick friends. It's an opportunity to talk about the trail of The Governor going cold, despite Michonne's unwillingness to let it go, and to pick up a mysterious radio signal that sounds like it could be a human voice. What's up with that?

    But mostly, it's an opportunity to get completely stuck when walkers appear, and to feel truly fucked when the camera pans up to reveal this:

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    Road trip cancelled!

  • And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor
    walking dead S4E3 wheelsgif

    Goodyear Tires

    You've got a lot riding on our tires. Four survivors of the walker apocalypse, the lives of a bunch of sickly flu victims, and the hope that a mysterious voice on the radio might be your eventual salvation, to name just a few. Don't dick around with cheap discount tires! Use the only tire that has enough tread on it to shred the side of a walker's face, from zero to two faces in under five seconds. We may not get you there, but we'll help take some of your enemies to Hell with you should that time come. Goodyear? It's been a shitty year. But at least you're alive.

  • Fight! Fight! Fight!
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    7,500 Or So Walkers vs. Four Carpoolers

    When it's certain they can't go any further by walker-blocked car, Daryl yells for everyone to try to run through a cleared path of undead. Michonne slices while Daryl does a Dukes of Hazzard over the hood while taking others out. Bob fires his way through, but Tyreese just sits in the car like he wants to die. A long while later, Tyreese finally emerges, going into a rage as he's surrounded. Surely he's done for! But not so fast… as the three others regroup down the line, Tyreese emerges from the brush taking out two more stragglers, exhausted but apparently unbitten and safe, though covered in guts.

    Winner: The walkers in sheer numbers despite Tyreese's killing skills.

  • Dialogue

    Carol is hardcore and don't you forget it or you're next

    Confronted by Rick about the big mystery at the prison, Carol doesn't hold back.

    You know, you do a lot for us. For the kids. Sacrifice a lot. Is there anything you wouldn't do for the people here?
    No.
    Carol. Did you kill Karen and David?
    Yes.

For Scary Week, we're:

Spitballing the scariest potential branded companions to The Walking Dead

  • Walker Babies
  • Walker, Undead Ranger
  • Talking Talking Dead
  • Six Flags: Behind Prison Walls
  • The Price Is Brains
  • CSI: Woodbury
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