This article has some content you might find disturbing!Reason Zombie-meets-log grossness.
Appeasement To Negan Takes 90 Minutes On The Walking Dead
In a super-sized episode, Rick gives up and everyone else is terrified of the new world leader.
Place Of Interest
Michonne Needs Some Mi-Time
In case you were wondering how Michonne is doing after the horrific events of the season premiere, the answer is: not great! She and Rick sleep apart and back-to-back and one morning she wakes up and silently retrieves a rifle from inside the fireplace and slips out without a word. Rick sees her go, but doesn't seem to know where she's headed. The answer is an abandoned car out in a field where she can sit and ponder and probably shoot some stuff.
I Am Not A Crackpot
Technology Is Great, But A Music Player Won't Save Anyone's Life! I Am Not A Crackpot!
Eugene has gotten it into his devastated head that the only way he can appease the Saviors and Negan is to use his noggin to provide some technological comforts, namely a radio / music player he's trying to put together, ignoring Rosita and Spencer as they ask him to open the gate. Is that really the best use of Eugene's time? Shouldn't he be leaning a trade such as hairdressing so that he might make mullets a trend among Negan's people? Regardless, it doesn't matter much because Rosita and Spencer are interrupted, as is everyone, by Negan's unexpected and creepy appearance through the gate. "Little Pig, Little Pig, let me in!" he bellows cheerfully.
Maybe Call Ahead Next Time? (Blow To The Head)
Situation: Negan has shown up earlier than expected and Rick is visibly shaken.
What makes it awkward? The whole "killing two of Rick's best friends" thing, but also that Negan has brought along his newly broken Daryl with him. Nobody's feeling very good about that.
How is order restored? Negan, in cheerfully gregarious "Service" mode, hands over his bat Lucille for Rick to hold and then scolds Rick not to so much as look at Daryl or Rick will have to chop something off poor Daryl's body.
Even In This Tense Situation, Crowding A Woman Ain't Cool
Hey, Savior assholes. How about giving Rosita a little personal space and not crowding her shit up? We know you guys are probably lecherous pervs, but do you have to make it so obvious so early in this service call? Rosita ends up leaving Alexandria with Spencer in tow, but now it's to go fetch Daryl's motorcycle for Dwight.
You Shoot Like A Swordswoman
Michonne does some shooting practice out in a field and we learn that she's just a terrible shot with a rifle. She can still chop a head off with a sword, but guns are not a skill she really possesses right now. She does accidentally shoot a deer, though.
Plot Lightning Round
As Negan's unpleasant visit continues and his minions search the town for goodies such as guns and mattresses, someone comes across the video recorder that captured Rick and his friends when they first arrived at Alexandria. The embarrassing man-bush on Rick, as Negan calls it, would have made him much more scared than what Rick has become, he says.
Just as Negan is asking about where Maggie might be and being gross about what he'd like to do to her now that Glenn is out of the picture, Father Gabriel shows up for the first time in forever. And Negan is both delighted and completely creeped out and it's kind of glorious. "You are creepy as shit!" he exclaims, sneaking up on him with a "freaky-ass smile." Just to make the story check out, Gabriel shows off where Maggie's grave is because she (supposedly) didn't make it back. Just to clue us in that it's a fresh grave Gabriel just dug, he wipes his hand on his pants and gives Rick a significant look.
Carl tries to stand up for the family when Negan's goons try to take all their medicine. Rather than bash Carl in the head, Negan actually likes the boy's big balls and with Rick's help, they talk him down. Negan confirms that he's only taking half of the medicine. But he's taking all of the guns, some of which were taken by killing Saviors, and that's much worse.
As part of his new gun-control initiative, Negan visits the armory and threatens Olivia, the woman who's in charge of the weapons inventory. Negan tells Rick that he's not taking any of the town's meager food supply and is mean enough to note that it's a "fat lady" in charge of those supplies. Two guns are missing and that means Negan is ready to kill Olivia if those guns don't show up, after a very long Negan-ish monologue explaining this.
Rick's An Even Worse Leader When He's Not Leader
Who called the meeting? Rick.
What's it about? Rick needs to find out where those two missing guns, a Glock and a .22, are, pronto.
How'd it go? As a show of Rick's complete impotence in the age of Negan, it was a rousing success! Rick reasons with the town that they can't be seen with any hidden guns going forward because someone will die. He's completely given up on fighting or finding a way out of this situation or even leading the group. "I'm not in charge anymore. Negan is." Way to inspire the people who've come to rely on you, Rick! A new personal low! Even after that inspiration, the guns still don't show up.
Fight! Fight! Fight!
Rosita vs. Gun-Guarding Forest Undead
As Spencer is finding and packing up Daryl's motorcycle, which was hidden at the edge of the woods, Rosita wanders off and makes her way in to find another item: a gun she had stashed out there. But before she can get to it, she has to take on nearly a half dozen walkers on her own, including one that she bashes head-first into a log. Ouch!
Winner: The newly armed (but with no bullets) Rosita.
Here's An Idea
Don't Give A Motivational Speech When Someone Is Frantically Searching For Something
Father Gabriel means well, and he just scored some brownie points for thinking up that fake-Maggie-grave thing, but this still might not be the time to tell Rick that everything's going to be just fine, that nothing bad's going to happen and that "I have faith in you." Rick's kind of in a race against time to save Olivia's life and searching Spencer's house, because he's the one most likely to be hiding guns and he hasn't been around since the confiscation to own up to having them. (And, even in a 90-minute episode, there's such a thing as plot expediency.) Rick finds the guns in a floorboard, along with some liquor and stashed food because Spencer is a sneaky, sneaky man. Father Gabriel, you should pray for him.
Love, Hate & Everything In Between
This Negan Is Tearing Us Apart!
Clearly Rick and Michonne's just-blossoming relationship is taking a hit under Negan. Rick spots her just as Negan and his crew are leaving and instead of just allowing Michonne to stash the rifle, which wasn't listed in the inventory, he asks her to give it over. And he also gives Negan the deer she shot, making the excuse that she was out hunting. Negan is super-pleased, but Michonne's confidence in Rick is quickly eroding and the strong man she fell in love with is a cowering, appeasing mess. "I'm not losing anyone else," he tells her. But you know what, Rick, you just might be right here.
That Quote"I just slid my dick down your throat. And you thanked me for it."- Negan being super-gross to Rick as one last kick in the balls on his way out -
Daryl Dixon In Worst Road Trip Ever
It's not enough that poor, broken Daryl has to watch his new co-workers plunder Alexandria, he also has to watch his motorcycle get retrieved and turn down an offer to ride it, then turn down an offer from Rick to stay in town, lest he show himself disloyal to Negan. Then he has to watch from the back of a vehicle as Rick looks after him and they drive away. Maybe next week will be better for you, Daryl!
We've Gotta Stop Putting Up Signs That Make Us Feel Bad
The Scene: As Negan goes, Rick looks up and notices a sign.
The Symbol: The sign for this zone, presumably from Negan's crew, says, "Mercy for the lost. Vengeance for the plunderers." That about sums it up!
The Meaning: Negan's regime is a franchise and Rick is a lowly shift manager who'd better get used to the vengeance part of this deal (and refrain from employing some of it himself).
Spencer: For Fired
Alert Type: Sanctimonious Rick Alert.
Issue: Rick confronts Spencer about the guns he had hidden in his house, which almost got Olivia killed. He also isn't thrilled that Spencer was hiding food and booze. He calls him small and weak, which won't be great for Spencer's morale.
Complicating Factors: Rick hasn't exactly been strict about people taking stuff from the armory and food stash. And Spencer is genuinely offended that Rick searched his house.
Resolution: Spencer makes an unfortunate remark about Rick's leadership getting Glenn and Abraham killed, which stops Rick in his tracks. Rick threatens to break Spencer's jaw and knock out his teeth if he ever says something like that again.
Spoiler: Spencer knows about another gun that hasn't been accounted for.
The Judith Answer
In a charged, emotional conversation, Rick reaffirms that yes, this is life in Alexandria now (with no mattresses) and he has no intention of fighting back or doing anything that would bring trouble from Negan. Michonne, incredulous, says, "Everything we got, we got from fighting." But Rick is tired of losing people and to illustrate the point, he tells Michonne about Shane and Lori, and admits something we've been wondering all along: "I know Judith isn't mine," he said. "I know it." Nevertheless, he loves her and plans to keep her alive and to die long before she does (but hopefully not very soon). "This is how we live now," Rick says. It seems strange that this never came up before, but Rick's gonna Rick and at least that loose plot thread from many seasons ago is finally resolved.
Want some free mattresses? Lots of them? We at Negan's Saviors just left a bunch of them on the road after a very successful new business partnership. The only catch is that they're quite burned because we totally burned them. If you don't mind charred, crispy sleep, you might still get some use out of them! We were really just burning them out of spite. And if you see Michonne, a woman who is probably furious at what we did, tell her we said hi.
We Gun Get In Trouble
The only person in town who still has a secret gun pays a visit to Eugene. "Make me a bullet," Rosita tells Eugene. Maybe more, even!