Bob Mahoney / The CW

Sybil Is The Anti-Bridezilla To Caroline On The Vampire Diaries, And It's Oddly Perfect

She's not a manatee, but she's the pure evil this show needs as it gears up for the end times.

After this many seasons, you'd think The Vampire Diaries would have already trotted out every possible supernatural trope, and while there is a certain sameness among the Big Bads (snarky, smoldering, sadistic, Klaus), Sybil does raise the bar a bit. I mean, a siren? She's not even a manatee, which is what I think sirens really were back in the day, which tells you how lonely sailors got after a few years at sea stuck in the hold with a bunch of guys who haven't bathed.

While in this episode Bonnie is moping about Enzo and Caroline is picking out princess bridal gowns based on her 6th-grade wedding scrapbook, Sybil is fierce, inhuman, and completely unapologetic. Clearly, even when she was 12 she was not putting together a wedding scrapbook (or papyrus or whatever; she's super-old). She was probably killing children and cheering for the lions at the Colosseum. Sybil has no fucks to give, and it's glorious.

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Sometimes The Vampire Diaries seems so committed to reminding us how much all of these witches, werewolves, and vampires love one another, it starts to feel like a very special Halloween episode of Friends. Even Damon, his humanity switch firmly set in the off position, has been endlessly whining about his eternal damnation. I half expect him to stand on a street corner with a sign saying THE END IS NEAR while holding a cup for donations. Every character has been well-intentioned and evolved and increasingly dull -- except Sybil.

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Sybil, if she had even a little bit of compassion, could make things pretty easy on our long-suffering heroes. She could let Damon and Enzo hold on to a few favorite memories. She doesn't have to plop herself into his memories of Bonnie and Elena like a mean girl stealing her best friend's date at the prom. It's not as if giving the guys a little latitude would impede her ability to bend them to her will. A happy minion is a loyal minion, I always say. But what fun would that be? No, Sybil is ridiculously jealous and controlling, and she has no problem erasing everything that makes Damon and Enzo who they are as easily as if they're old cell phones.

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Even when she does get her way, she's not happy. It takes ages for her to wear Bonnie down enough for her to choose Enzo over Damon, which would probably annoy Enzo a little if he still cared. With both Enzo and Damon firmly under her control, she could just enjoy the sight of Bonnie dissolving into a puddle of tears, but why stop there? Suggesting Damon eviscerate her is just too much fun. Promises, shmomises.

Unfortunately, Sybil is not without flaws. The minute we realize she isn't wearing a seatbelt, and worse, that she isn't smart enough to realize Bonnie is going to send her through the windshield because of it, I lost some respect for her. If in a few thousand years she hasn't figured out what an obvious set-up looks like, she just hasn't been paying attention.

Worse, what's the mystical relic that brings her down? As Ric discovers by stupidly letting Georgie leave crap within reach of his kids, a tuning fork. It's like revealing that a Dr. Strange's ultimate weakness is a lead pencil or a cup of Borax mixed in laundry detergent. At least the tuning fork is only minimally effective, as she still has Damon doing her bidding. Maybe Ric will find some ancient mystical sheet music or a cursed clarinet reed puked up from the depths of Hell.

We can only hope Sybil sticks around for a while to boss Damon around on his World Tour of Killing Secondary Characters We'd Almost Forgotten (RIP Tyler). The best thing about an irrational and sadistic immortal is that almost anyone can be logically picked off this season (it is the last one, after all). While no one wants this to turn into a shitshow like The Walking Dead, there's room for surprises -- and after this many seasons, they will be both shocking and well-deserved. Bring it on, Sybil. Bring. It. On.

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