'YOU'RE The Trophy.'

Despite many many other people in the house acting huge fools, Averey can't gain much ground this week thanks to thinking the silent treatment is a viable relationship tool. And even Nia's manipulations don't land her in last place, because Jessica always finds a way to (whinily) suck more. It's kind of amazing actually.

What's going on here? I'll list the housemates from best to worst each week. First place gets 8 points, second place 7, and so on. Whoever has the most points at the end of the season is probably the most awesome person in the RW: Portland house. Yes, I'm counting Averey's dog, Daisy. No, I don't think this is a terribly scientific system.

And now, let's meet Jordan's human credit...

  1. Anastasia

    Consistent voice of reason as the only one who witnessed the entire Jordan-Nia contretemps from last week; keeps trying to point out that everyone needs to cool off and stop instigating each other. Cuts Jessica off promptly at the knees when Jessica tries to make it "a Jess-Jordan thing," which it isn't. Reminds Johnny and Averey before their date that the bathroom is not for "sexual encounters." Admits that she reacted poorly to Jordan because he reminded her of her dad. Her claims about the N-word "double standard" don't quite hold water, but she means well.

  2. Marlon

    Inserts himself into the Jordan-Nia thing, which he shouldn't, on the grounds that Jordan shouldn't "disrespect a female," which what year is it, but accepts Jordan's apology and squashes it pronto.

  3. Daisy

    Wrapped in a cute blue leopard-print scarf for some reason, and benefiting as usual from not being one of these human assholes by whom she's surrounded.

  4. Johnny

    Gets ripshit with Marlon in the middle of the day and acts a slurry fool when he gets home. Points gained from screaming at everyone to just shut the fuck up about Jordan and Nia, and singling Jess out about her drama-queening, get lost when he's a wimpy kiss-ass to Averey in response to her silent treatment.

  5. Jordan

    Can't leave well enough alone after making monkey noises at Nia and continuing to pick at her the next morning. But his visiting girl BFF, Taylor, acts as his human credit this week, and he takes responsibility for any racist or racism-adjacent behavior while snapping that he'll never become friends with Nia. Admits to Anastasia that he's like his dad, and he hates that about himself ("If I had to hang out with me I'd kick my own ass"). Also mentions a foiled suicide attempt from a few years ago; this isn't part of the rating, obviously, just new (and sobering) info.

  6. Averey

    Was cruising for a second or third slot until deciding to express her "disappointment" in Johnny getting blasted with the silent treatment.

  7. Nia

    Is…Nia. Acts like Jordan assaulted her out of nowhere, apparently forgetting the cameras everywhere that show her provoking him. Leverages alleged discomfort with a man in a woman's room, or something, to divert the topic, which is in fact "I baited him repeatedly and got mad when he bit." Escapes last place by seeing an opportunity to learn from Taylor how to "co-exist" with Jordan.

  8. Jessica

    Cries because she's scared of Jordan; makes the Nia dust-up about her, and pouts when others point out that it's not about her. Congratulates herself for holding in her rage like "the good Christian woman" she is, whatever the hell that means. Tries to stir shit with Taylor by asking if it's romantic between Taylor and Jordan. Clown makeup.

Season To Date Rankings

Rank Name Points Trending
1 Marlon 53  
2 Daisy 39  
3 (tie) Jordan and Johnny 37  
4 Anastasia 30  
5 Nia 20  
6 Averey 19  
7 Jessica 17  
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