Screen: MTV

The Return Of Bruno

As the first skeleton's arrival draws nigh, the roommates deal with twerking and true confessions.

The skeletons still haven't shown up at the RW house -- but giant neon chyrons ("nyrons"?) occasionally let us know that it's T-minus whenever to the first Ghost Of Housemate Past ringing the doorbell. (They also narrate smash cuts, the nyrons; it's dumb, I guess, but at the same time, I appreciate the transparency. "Wait, so they're going to another club? Because it seems like they've only been there three d-- wow, they HAVE only been there three days.")

And a few of the housemates have rummaged around in their closets and yanked the skeletons out themselves, including Sylvia (suffered a miscarriage, I believe due to partner abuse; I hope I misheard that, but I don't think so, and there was a hotline card at the end of the segment), Bruno (nasty temper, apparently), and Madison, who got mixed up in serious drugs thanks to her ex, overdosed, guns held to her head, detoxed in a bare room for a week, begged her family's forgiveness, the whole heroin megillah. Not to make light of Madison's struggles, because no doubt her anxiety about revealing her past with narcotics is genuine, but she uses it to leverage the other roommates' frustration with her dizzy tendency to wander away from the group into pity for her plight -- which, while nobody ought to judge her for it, is not quite something that happened to her. Neither is getting ripshit. Madison's recovery is her own deal, mazels, but she overestimates the cuteness the situation contains by a significant margin.

That's quite possibly why the episode is so dull: we spend a lot of it with Madison, her issues, her roommates getting frustrated with her isolating herself and then overreacting when she burbles that she can take care of herself, her wanting to "make love" and not just have sex (blerf). I appreciate the post team's snidely captioning one of Madison's reappearances at the beach with "What's uuuuuuuuuuuuuuup?", but unless and until the sister we keep seeing in home video logs who's like, "Yeah, eff her," shows up, it's time to move on.

Anyway! It works like this: I'll list the housemates from best to worst each week. First place gets 7 points, second place 6, and so on. Whoever has the most points at the end of the season is probably the most awesome person in the RW: Skeletons house. No, Mr. Snuggledicks doesn't get his own slot. No, I don't think this is a terribly scientific system. Yes, I went to university "for this."

  1. Nicole
    The cheery delivery of "just don't stick nothin' up my butt" cracked me up. Also killed it at the batting cage. Friendly and nice, but not SO sweet that she doesn't exchange the occasional "...uy" face with other roomies about Madison.
  2. Sylvia
    I watched through my fingers as she intruded on Bruno's call with his mom; she got way too hacked off about Madison not appreciating their looking out for her at the club; she got too attached to Bruno, probably; the streaking is dumb and boring BUT she ran with flair, called Madison "unicornly," and continues to evince a relatable exasperation.
  3. Jason
    Madison imitation is on point; advice to Tony about not resisting/burying his feelings for Madison is also on point.
  4. Tony
    Self-aware about the pitfalls of a "Tonison" pairing (though he's still looking into the abyss like there's a puppy at the bottom; come on, guy), and a tireless wingman for Nicole.
  5. Violetta
    Confined primarily to providing "shut up, Madison" commentary, but does so relatively mildly considering last week's immediate beef. She's also tipped to a possible theme of the season when she finds out that her sworn enemy Jessica -- you know, "that conniving fucking whore" -- was called by the production and asked to come visit.
  6. Bruno
    Turns on a canoodle dime with the Sylvia thing, snuggling with her for most of the ep, then getting annoyed that she's chatting with Tony at a bar and elaborately hitting on another young lady instead (he even pulls The Eyelash Trick). Later, he comes home and wakes Sylvia up to tell her she's acting like a child for caring who he talks to...I guess? Sylvia did care on the walk home, but then went to bed, so she's equally confused, all, "I was sleeping, so." Evidently Bruno hasn't talked to his brother in three years; we're meant to understand it's because of his temper, which from here so far reads more like misdirected petulance, but there's a lot of season left.
  7. Madison
    First move on the beach trip is to go off by herself and blither to two bros (captioned as "The Beach Guys"; heh) about the girls in the house disliking her. Secludes herself from the group and boo-boo-kitties about how it's because nobody knows her secret/can relate to her pain/she wants to reject them first, or whatever. Parts of her addiction and detox arc sound juuuuust a little too neatly dire, like she might have cribbed them from an After-School Special. Madison isn't awful this week, and she's very game about learning to twerk, but she's still not great.

Season To Date Rankings

Rank Name Points Trending
1 Nicole 14
2 Jason 11
3 Sylvia 10
4 (tie) Tony 7
4 (tie) Bruno 7
6 Violetta 5
7 Madison 2
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