Daisy Dooks

The short verzh: everyone's horrible except Marlon and Jordan. The slightly longer verzh: Nia steps in a Daisy poop in bare feet, refuses to clean it up (co-signed), and uses it to reignite the feud amongst her, Averey, and Johnny (can't hang with that). Despite an everyone-look-at-me trip to the mall to buy a purity ring and some "oh nothing, just looking up 'celibacy' on Wikipedia" (yes, "really") (I! KNOW!), Jessica climbs out of last place for the first time in a while.

What's going on here? I'll list the housemates from best to worst each week. First place gets 8 points, second place 7, and so on. Whoever has the most points at the end of the season is probably the most awesome person in the RW: Portland house. Yes, I'm counting Averey's dog, Daisy. No, I don't think this is a terribly scientific system.

And now, let's make "mathematical elimination" jokes.

  1. Marlon

    Takes just the right approach to Jessica's melodramatic purity decision, responding thoughtfully but not giving her too much attention. Thinks Nia's refusal to back down on the Daisy issue is about her insecurities, and is the only person to see that leaving the house during the brawl is the only correct move.

  2. Jordan

    Advises Johnny with hilarious seriousness on his constipation. Tries to contain Nia when she loses it; does so silently. Takes credit for seeing Jessica's bullshit earlier than anyone in the house.

  3. Anastasia

    Totally on point with her analysis of Jessica's chastity kick -- that it's because Tyler dumped her, so instead of just sitting with the pain, she's protecting herself with an attention-grabbing vow of celibacy -- but takes it a little too far by announcing to Jessica that she thinks Jess's deal is completely phony and they can't be friends. She does make up for it later when, during the fight, the two of them hide in Bird's room and Bird is like, my shit with you is so minor compared to these crazies, let's just squash it.

  4. Jessica

    See intro; mostly seems to want attention and/or validation for swearing off sex instead of examining what went wrong. Continues to wear inordinate amount of too-pink makeup. But! Has an insight! She wants to join the group, she says; Anastasia wants to run the group. It could use some tweaking, but she's not wrong. Still, mostly ranked here because she didn't skull anyone with a broken hair dryer.

  5. Daisy

    Isn't happy about her rain gear. Poops on the floor, igniting the entire contretemps. (It seems it's not the first time, or even the fifth.) Later, while everyone is fighting about her thirdhand, destroys the garbage and strews it everywhere. Pees in the confessional.

  6. Johnny

    Consider him guilty of everything Averey is, but he gets the edge for holding his umbrella over Daisy in the rain, and advising Averey during the fight that she should just take it, even though Nia is throwing drinks on her.

  7. Averey

    Okay, this is the deal: you own a dog, you pick up its shit, and you apologize to your housemates for any aggro the dog causes, period, end of fucking story. For Averey and Johnny to get this angry that Nia wouldn't clean up the poo she stepped in, because she ground it into the rug, is asinine, and Averey's description of Daisy as "the house dog," whom everyone loves and takes care of, is equally absurd. She's your dog. Doesn't say she's sorry about the poo; forbids Nia from cuddling with/enjoying Daisy if she's not going to take care of her, which is both juvenile and impossible to enforce; takes the very obvious bait Nia sets out. Not afraid of Nia, though, and when Nia comes after Johnny, Averey is in there, ripping Nia's weave out hardcore.

  8. Nia

    She's absolutely right re: the dog crap, until she decides it's an excuse to deliberately stir the figurative shit with Johnny and Averey -- and when they respond, she goes to a psycho place that prompted a PSA about anger management and violence between acts. Rages on Johnny because she knows he can't hit her back. Throws multiple drinks on Johnny and Averey. Ambushes Averey in the bathroom, coming up behind her and hitting her in the back of the head. Is unwell, and will probably get kicked out of the house even though next week is apparently their last.

Season To Date Rankings

Rank Name Points Trending
1 Marlon 74  
2 Daisy 62  
3 Jordan 58  
4 Johnny 57  
5 Anastasia 55  
6 Averey 41  
7 Nia 28  
8 Jessica 27  
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