Why Is Tinsley So Bad At Dating On RHONYC?
This week's 'Oil And Vinegar' episode needs a bit more seasoning; salt, lime, and tequila would help. Still, Jordan Veilleux has some questions!
An episode that begins at Sur La Table and builds to another conversation between Bethenny and multiple assistants -- about the upcoming Mexico trip's itinerary -- this week is the quite literally all about table-setting. That said, it's an interesting mix of build-up and breakdown. Let's talk about where we are, where we're going -- well, some of us; Ramona's invite is still TBA -- and what's possibly to come, because I have some questions.
Are the producers in conversation with one another?
As entertaining as Sonja's repartee with her non-invasive plastic surgeons, masseurs, and hair-removal experts may be, this is a common thread tethering the franchise together that needs to be removed ASAP. We've seen Sonja's vagina rejuvenated while everyone was in the Berkshires; we've seen Lisa Rinna casually get waxed on the carpeted floor of her bedroom by a woman who absolutely used wax from a previous client; we've seen Cynthia Bailey's vagina overhauled at the behest of Kenya Moore; we've seen Kyle Richards scream as if on a plane during liftoff while one of the first of many women to come tore out her (almost certainly) way-too-long pubic hair while daughter Alexia looked on in amused horror; we've seen it all. My question is: why haven't we ever seen Sonja at the dentist? She's there enough!
That facet of her life may not preoccupy me as much as why she lives without heat, hot water, and nonchalantly jokes about the brown ice she fills guests' cups with -- or the revelation that Luann dreams about being a tooth and has an extra set of "Eskimo teeth" that aid during oral sex -- but her teeth are still a large part of her storyline. Why haven't we seen Sonja, gassed out of her mind trying to unbutton her top during a crown replacement or prosthetic fitting while two hygienists try in vain to keep the top on? Why haven't we seen her stumbling into an Uber -- which Connor ordered from Chex Morgan while he waits for yet another of Tinsley's chapeau deliveries -- and saying weird shit to the driver? It's time to step up.
Sonja's shenanigans are, of course, always welcome. But in a space filled with singed pubes and dirty waxing strips, this just feels disappointing more than anything else.
Is Carole pushing for Tinsley to be a one-and-done Housewife because she won't change her hair or rent an apartment in her building?
Once again, Carole is the Miss Havisham to Sonja's Big Edie. Setting her up with Scott -- who's based in Chicago -- it seems as if she's given up on the Serena ver der Woodsen antics of yesteryear and is content sending her off to the Windy City, where her dated curls will surely unfurl and she'll be born anew. I don't doubt Carole's intentions on the surface, but I think she's more than happy shoving her Tito's Barbie Doll into a glass bottle and throwing her into the East River, where she'll float away from the Island of Misfit Toys and onto a better life. As someone who's longed for Tinsley to join literally any other franchise or Southern Charm -- I'm fine with it. Tinsley's moving to a hotel -- but is she moving out of state? We'll see!
Why is Tinsley so bad at dating?
To be fair, I'm totally shipping Tinsley and Scott. Still, her embarrassing bowling trip with the 23-year-old she found at Beautique was, to quote Bethenny, an "amuse bouche." Not an "amused bouche" -- their kissing was god-awful -- but an amuse bouche for the cringe-worthy (continued) stasis of her blind date with Scott. They have things in common, like preferring to sit by the hotel pool instead of surfing on the hotel's private beach, and they're both Leos...but it's still especially awkward. That she can't help but bring up her past relationships -- she's literally wearing her wedding ring and tells him as much; she takes it off, but whatever -- or her fondness for mixed drinks in which she can't taste the alcohol in because they "make her feel like herself" are, to quote Carole, red flags, particularly on a first date. The ship rights itself as she begins to feel more like herself after a few Tito's sodas with a splash of cran, but it raises the questions: What's going on with Tinsley? and where is this going?
As I previously mentioned, I'm okay with Carole sending her off with Scott to travel -- sit by pools and order room service in foreign countries -- but my interest is piqued. There's something delicious about her Jane Eyre by way of Fifth Avenue circa 2009 that's engrossing. Do we want her to return and watch her, Jim-less, eating scrambled eggs and struggling with the concierge at the Plaza like Eloise next season? Or are we content scratching the Forever 21 gold-plated necklace surface of her dated and affected demeanor here and now and sending her off into the Bravosphere, where she'll die reaching for a shotski she doesn't realize is frozen solid and utterly useless? As of now, I'm unsure. But something tells me Mexico might be the key to unlocking everything.
Actually, while we're here, I'll ask again: Why isn't her mother, Dale, a cast member? And why isn't she, Tinsley, on Southern Charm or Real Housewives Of Dallas?
Why is Dorinda so bad at packing?
Forgetting to pack bathing suits for Mexico -- a place she's never been to -- would be one thing…if she didn't forget her suitcase before she hauled ass to Vermont two weeks ago…and she didn't show up drunk to Luann's bridal suite for the day's festivities without her dress or anything she needed. What's going on? Like Sonja, she wears the eccentricity well and bravely combats it whenever alleged suspicions about her personal life come up. But I'm going to need more. What's going on here?
Are you fucking serious?
One of the biggest questions was whether or not Ramona was actually going on the trip to Mexico. As of their bizarre exchange at dinner, things were very much set in two very different conjoined stones -- Bethenny officially disinvited Ramona once she lost her cool; Ramona told Bethenny that she was coming regardless because it's a group trip, but that she'd forgo the trip to Tequila out of respect. Here, nothing is resolved and we're left with a gaping hole and what's potentially a great reveal. Unfortunately, I didn't turn the TV off in time and saw that she arrives at the top of the trip with everyone else. What was the point of this episode's foundation, then? Was it setting up what by all accounts of the mid-season trailer seems to be the sloppiest trip the women of New York have ever gone on? Is there a heart-to-heart waiting in the wings? Does Ramona ditch Luann and her surely sprained ankle when she drunkenly eats shit in favor of a poolside blowout with Bethenny, who will probably be skinny-dipping and passively juggling Skinnygirl-branded beach balls in the air while it occurs?
Oil and vinegar may pair quite nicely. And, assuming Ramona's correct, they may separate when mixed together -- so it's a bit of a draw. My interest in how the Mexico trip pans out may be at an all-time high. But, Bravo, to play on words once drunkenly shouted in the backseat of a car by mean-tweeting Brooklynite Simon van Kempen: "YOU'RE RUINING THE FUCKING SURPRISE!" Really, guys?