Which RHONYC Producer Signed Off On Letting Sonja Drink For The First Time in 10 Months?
Jordan Veilleux asks this and other questions of an otherwise straightforward episode.
Does Luann have the highest tolerance of any Housewife?
The Housewives know how to drink. Whether or not they can handle it is another story. On RHONYC, Luann and Dorinda are pretty much neck-and-neck when it comes to rebounding from an embarrassing night out -- albeit in wildly different ways. In terms of tolerance, though, Luann has the edge since she paces herself and generally hides it like a pro. Dorinda, however, starts talking in what Bethenny's dubbed Swahili and excuses herself to nap.
I thought for sure we would get to see Countess "Be Cool" at the top of this week's episode. Or that the episode would open with the shot of the sun rising and cut to Luann passed out in a cabana, covered in bruises and dried blood. Instead of seeing her icing her swollen ankle in a chaise lounge, she's doing downward dog and positively glowing. She's even talking about going surfing to get rid of her hangover. Like, are you kidding?
What do Scott's flowers mean?
Remember when the RHOC went to Ireland and Vicki pretended to be moved by a flower arrangement she absolutely sent herself but told everyone was from her boyfriend of sixteen minutes? Well, Tinsley -- of all people -- has broken the curse that's plagued the franchise and forced the women to fulfill their own romantic needs and gestures. More specifically, Scott, Tinsley's boyfriend of 130 hours, has broken the curse. Even better, he and his flowers have given her a respectable out as the season draws to a close, making it so I'll believe whatever her title card says in the finale.
I'll believe they're happy and that she chose not to come back for a second season because they wanted to travel. The thought of her being dragged out of Andy's office kicking and screaming will barely cross my mind. Or, on the flip side, he's finally given her a reason for sticking around. To go back to RHOC, next year could be her Lauri and George moment and we can watch as he whisks her off to Chanel and then off to Paris while the others fight on the patio of Joanne's Trattoria again like a pack of hyenas that haven't eaten in weeks. At least now it feels like there are more options for Tinsley than severe lace pussybows and a murder-suicide over at Chez Morgan.
How does surfing cure a hangover?
Is it a hydration thing? Is it a pushing yourself beyond your limits thing? What's going on here? What is it that has Luann and Co. talking about surfing like it's the be-all end-all cure for a hangover? What is it about being smacked in the head by a fiberglass board that's supposed to make one feel less nauseated and as if macaroni and cheese is the only answer? What does eating shit on a mid-sized wave have to do with combatting fatigue and diarrhea?
Does Tinsley think Sonja is the weekend editor of Page Six?
I don't understand why Tinsley's talking to Sonja as if she's the Katharine Graham of the New York Post's Page Six. I get what she's saying to some degree, but the idea that Sonja can just pick up the phone and kill a story is insane. Credit where it's due though, because this two-hander is unintentionally hilarious. What's funnier than Tinsley shoving a phone at Sonja as if she has any sort of power and Sonja screaming that everyone's enabling immature behavior as if she's doing some sort of exercise in therapy?
Why does Dorinda randomly decide to give gifts?
Is it because Ramona bought everyone (except her) a purse and some other stuff that she felt the need to buy people gifts? Does Ramona have anything to do with it? Was this always Dorinda's plan? Did she stumble into a Spencer's in a mall in Queens or New Jersey one day after a goodbye lunch with John or Hannah and just start buying novelty items like her life depended on it? Is that where the mustaches came from? And speaking of those, when are those going to come into play?
Why doesn't she have something for everyone? Why are they so passive-aggressive? Everyone's laughing like there isn't something deeply strange about interrupting dinner to be like, "Well, Ramona, since you like having your huge new tits out all the time -- and cooking -- I bought you an apron that has a huge pair of boobs printed on it. Sonja, here are No One Cares pills because lavender oil and sobriety aren't helping with your deeply rooted issues. Luann, here's an 'I'm married' mug so you can shut the fuck up about the wedding people still can't believe even happened in the first place."
What was Ramona thinking boarding a helicopter with a scarf wrapped around her face?
First of all, I love that Ramona's muffled defense of the curious decision to wear a scarf around her face while they're boarding the helicopters is that she has "new skin" and doesn't want to damage it. Yes, I'm sure the dainty pashmina you bought on the corner of Madison Avenue outside Hermès when your cousin came to town will do just the trick. And then she goes and bashes her newly skinned head into the doorway because she can't see. She's lucky she isn't taller! The blades probably would've mowed those extensions away clean.
Was anyone else shocked Bethenny and Carole weren't in the same helicopter?
It's wild that Bethenny went from disinviting Ramona to riding with her and Sonja. Granted, the move was probably a necessary evil to ensure their best behavior, but still!
Which producer signed off on letting Sonja drink for the first time in 10 months?
Show yourselves! Which person was like, "So one of the conditions of your return is that you can't drink…until you go on the tequila tasting trip in Mexico. Then you can drink however much you want, whenever the fuck you want." Give that person a Special Emmy Award, and then give them a MacArthur Genius Grant for shepherding exchanges like the one between Carole and Sonja in the SUV, wherein Carole tells Sonja she's "fucking wasted" and Sonja pauses and replies, "I am?"
Better yet, we get Sonja trying to make out with Luann and then badgering Ramona into admitting something she'll die than sooner admit, so much so that the last thing we hear before the ominous "TO BE CONTINUED" is Ramona screaming "I am happy you fucking bitch" in Sonja's face like she's about to take out a hammer and whack her upside the head. This isn't the best episode, but it ends on a truly high note.