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Was Jill Zarin's Return To The Real Housewives Of New York City Worth The Wait?

And other questions that itch and burn like crazy!

Excuse me, but how exactly did Ramona destroy the room she stayed in at Dorinda's?

Everyone jokes about Ramona being a monster, but now I'm actually concerned. Back in New York, Dorinda reveals that, on their trip to The Berkshires, Ramona screwed up the walls in the room she was staying in. We're shown marks toward the ceiling, and Dorinda says they're from sconces that were ripped out of the walls. Um, what?

We're to understand that, with adrenaline and wine coursing through her veins, Ramona went upstairs that night after her fight with Bethenny and started trashing her room? Where were the cameras while this was going on? They certainly weren't filming Sonja sleeping at the dining room table! And you're telling me nobody heard Ramona standing on a chair or laundry hamper or climbing the walls with her fingernails and ripping things out of the wall in the dead of night? On second thought, everyone except Dorinda's housekeeper Len was definitely passed out cold, so that checks out.

Was it rage blackout, or just a typical Ramona brownout? Was she even angry? Or was this classic Ramona being Ramona and she decided the sconces were ugly and had to go? Was she unable to find the light switch and just decided that that was the next logical step? And finally, why isn't this bizarre turn of events more of a conversation-starter?

Is this really the end of Bethenny and Ramona?

Ramona pushed a lot of Bethenny's buttons this week.

  1. Starting a pissing contest for who had a worse childhood.
  2. Implying that she isn't self-made and that her brand is shit.

That's a lot to overcome, especially since Bethenny claimed to be done with Ramona a few weeks ago after Ramona brought up the film Bethenny appeared topless in and asked if Bryn knows.

The B's on a bit of a tear as of late, but she has the support behind her for a clean break; it helps that Ramona's behavior the past few weeks has been pretty much indefensible. Bethenny doesn't have to answer to anyone, but that's as much a curse as it is a blessing. I'm fine watching this play out over the rest of the season, but I refuse to accept that Ramona is branded the new Jill Zarin on the episode that reintroduces the original Jill Zarin.

Everyone get your shit together, because the only longstanding feud I'm interested in is the one happening on Orange County between Vicki and Shannon. You're both smarter than this!

Sonja just goes into Dorinda's closet and puts her pajamas on?

So I occasionally wander into my friend's closet and put on a flannel whenever I go over -- it happens! The difference, though, is that Sam loves hosting me and Sonja was just barely invited to The Berkshires by Dorinda. Sure, the drama is behind them, but that doesn't mean Dorinda wants Sonja going into her closet and putting on the silk pajamas that were probably Richard's third favorite on her! She doesn't want that! Nobody wants that! I put a flannel on over a t-shirt. I'm not, you know, free balling in a pair of sweatpants and bragging about it.

Dorinda is going to get drunk and bring this up, right? Like, the second they go on vacation and she has two martinis, she's just going to rip Ramona and Sonja new assholes for screwing up a wall and ruining her third-favorite pajama bottoms. Believe me, it's coming.

Why is Carole so intent on helping Tinsley?

Am I right? Is Sonja really as close to snapping and pushing Tinsley down the elevator shaft as I think she is? On its face, it's nothing. Carole is the president of her building's board, and she wants to help Tinsley look for a place. But then she's also introducing Tinsley to men? Carole, no! Don't get involved. Save that nice dentist for someone who isn't running around kissing twenty-three-year-olds in bowling alleys and talking about how committed they are to getting blowouts on the Upper East Side, please!

The only way to help Tinsley is to let Sonja torture her for a little bit the way a bad college roommate tortures you freshman year. Tinsley and Sonja thought they hit it off on Facebook over the summer, but they were wrong. Tinsley needs that life experience if she's going to live on the Upper East Side. She doesn't need you actually helping her and trying to get her to stop getting blowouts and to switch dry cleaners so she can go live in a chic apartment building downtown. Stop trying to soften the blow and set her up with an exit package for when she isn't asked back next season! It's too late for Tins. She chose Sonja's daughter's bed and now she has to lie in it.

Carole, what's going on in your apartment?

Why is Carole randomly lighting sage when Tinsley arrives? Why is Adam painstakingly photographing what he calls the "Sexy Salad"? Is it for Instagram? His own personal website? The cookbook Carole pitched her agent a year or two ago and seems to have abandoned even though she only has, like, two good summers left by her count? And, wait, these animals aren't from a shelter, but from her neighbors? None of this matters in the grand scheme of things -- okay, maybe the cookbook -- but really? What's going on here?

Will Bethenny sue John over those two moths she found in her closet?

Dorinda isn't suing Ramona for fucking up Blue Stone Manor, but you can tell Bethenny wants Kevin to drive her to Madam Paulette's so she can kick John's ass in front of his employees and make him eat the two moths she found in her closet after paying him $10,000 to de-mothify it. Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised to check in next week and find out she is suing John, or in is the process of developing her own Skinnygirl mothballs. In fact, I kind of want both those things to happen now.

Was Jill Zarin's return worth the wait?

Clearly still peeved about the way things ended between her and the network, she and Bobby are introduced as "Luann's friends" (which I enjoyed) and then painstakingly reintroduced as if they were in the background of a recent party and not, you know, featured players once. It's all of two minutes before Jill's done awkwardly smiling and knee-deep back in it, telling everyone at the table that Ramona is a dark soul and that, if given the chance, she'd like to talk to Bethenny. It's like 2010 never ended, and it's great!

At one point, Jill says that she's not going to lie, she misses the drama. Well, I'm not going to lie, either: I miss Jill Zarin.

Is Jill coming back?

While I'd like to believe they're testing the waters for her return, the truth is that they're trying to ground and humanize Luann's wedding, which everyone keeps talking about like it's a tumor. Producers threw both women a bone here. Still, the idea of bringing Jill back into the fold is an enticing one because it's genuinely terrible and will spiral out of control by the third episode of whatever hypothetical season we're talking about. Will we see her again? God, I hope so. Perhaps she'll crash this year's vacation, too. Or better yet, be reintroduced as "Ramona's friend" at a nondescript party.

Did Tom really just joke about using a "hall pass" before he and Luann get married?

Yes, yes he did.

And Luann's just going to sit there and pretend she didn't hear it and go through with this deeply strange union regardless of whatever comes out of his mouth or whatever appendage he sticks in someone else's mouth at The Regency?

Yep.

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