Kyle Abandons The White Party But Still Stands With Kim On The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

A 'Great' theme makes for an even greater episode.

Kyle and Mauricio shake things up this year and opt for a Gatsby-themed blowout at a Malibu listing over the annual white party at their home. Not that it really matters, but I'm comfortable enough standing on this soapbox of mine to say that I don't think Kyle's ever read The Great Gatsby. I don't even think she's seen more than an hour of the Baz Luhrmann film. So she stumbled upon it flipping around on a rainy day when she had an hour to kill and the costumes caught her eye; no big deal, it happens. What's most troubling is that this is a trend.

We all remember Kyle and LVP's strange Moulin Rouge-themed party. Well, this week explains it. Kyle must have never seen Moulin Rouge straight through or at all either because she doesn't have a clue what absinthe is when Glenn (who needs his own show) floats the idea of an absinthe station separate from the bar. [sigh] At least this party's sort of being taken more seriously because it's essentially an open house.

Anyway, Kyle calls LVP to make sure she's coming since she's on vacation but doesn't get a straight answer. Ugh!

Harry Hamlin's Meat

Harry and Lisa -- she's really just there -- make some blueberry pies for their barbecue. It's obviously a really special occasion for them because, while Harry's dubbed a master pie maker who once had a pie-off with Cindy Crawford, neither of them has any idea if they have a rolling pin or flour. So I'd like to S/O their housekeeper, Lorena, without whom they'd be pie-less, if not dead. It's clear from the start that this is Harry Hamlin's barbecue and that event planning's in his wheelhouse, if not his forte. (Get him on Glenn's spinoff!)

They finish setting up and everyone starts arriving. Eden's the first to get there and presents the hosts with a strange, (I guess) symbolic empty jar with the word "LOVE" printed on it; Eden is what happens when you complain about Brandi Glanville, whom she actually sounds a lot like. Thank god for Erika, who shows up in an "Ultimate Grand Supreme" bomber jacket and produces the best talking head moment for RinnUGH's kids thus far.

Then Cool Ranch arrives and pulls Eden aside. Apparently the two had dinner recently, and Eden unloaded on her about Kim and Kyle. Cool Ranch is uncomfortable about what was said and thinks she should talk to Kyle directly because she learned her lesson with Erika and the panties: conversations behind people's backs aren't worth it. Then she excuses herself because it's New Parent Orientation Day at her kid's school.

Everyone sits around while Harry Hamlin grills and Camille asks if Kim's coming. Kyle plays it off and says that she told Kim she wasn't invited today, at which point Eileen interjects to say she had a nice conversation with her at P.K.'s party, which is great because she doesn’t like icy energy. Which, of course, sets off Eden, who thinks it's an in to talk about why she thinks Kim hates her. To quote Kyle: I think you might have been reading into things with a magnifying glass.

It's rich that RinnUGH, the catalyst of this, decides to run away from the conversation and thinks it's inappropriate of lesser-known Jennifer Jason Leigh character Eden to talk about this at her event. Kyle doesn't understand why Eden keeps injecting herself into situations that don't concern her, and Eileen (!) thinks it's wrong to have so many conversations about Kim without Kim present. So it's perfect timing when the Hamlin-Rinna house Rottweiler poops a few feet from them. Kyle's not upset with Eden per se -- she thinks everyone's entitled to their feelings and would love for Kim to have more sober friends -- but she's understandably turned off. They hug it out for roughly twenty minutes.

Good News: Harry's meat is delicious and his pie's even better. Great News: Kris Jenner's out of town, so LisUGH can repeat outfits at Kyle's event.

Coming Around On The Cool Ranch Flavor

Cool Ranch and her friend Nigella Lawson -- not really, but pretty much -- wait for their trainer Andrea to show up. Both women want to fix their post-partum stomachs and give their arms some definition. There's also talk of tighter, rounder asses, but if it involves squats, forget it. It's not long before Andrea shows up and they're in the backyard doing kicks, planks, sit-ups, etc.

I had a blast watching Cool Ranch's eyes bug out of her head like an animal about to get a bath and am really starting to come around on her and her cheeky lines like "I want a good body but I want to work for it." Excellent form!

The Young & The Restless

I can't tell if Erika's legitimately nervous about a screen test for a role on The Young & The Restless, or a ringer whose heart rate never goes above that of someone sleeping. This is the first major thing in a long time that isn't self-funded or reaffirmed by an army of gay men, but she also has some previous acting experience and completely kills it on the second take when she reads with Eileen. Even the casting director is impressed! It breaks my heart that I'll never get to see her play a backstabbing mistress or slutty teacher on Gossip Girl.

The Greatest Gatsby Party

Cool Ranch (she looks great) and P.K. (he looks, perhaps unavoidably, like Bates from Downton Abbey) show up at Kyle's house because they're taking a bus to Malibu together for the party. En route, Cool Ranch tells about her dinner with Eden because she wants to be transparent. She also tells her that Eden thinks she's an enabler, to which Mauricio takes great offense.

I'll give it to Kyle that she and Glenn know how to put a party together; the property's gorgeous and everyone looks great. Sure, the DJ booth is too close to the dance floor, you can't really see the ice sculpture, the heaters don't work and it's freezing, and oh, look, there's Eden walking over towards us, right on time for this week's therapy session. She sincerely apologizes to Kim and Kyle, but it's not the time, nor the place. And since it's mostly in her head and Kim and Kyle don't know the conversations she's been having with LisUGH, it's overblown and off-putting hearing lines like "I look at the two of you and I feel like it's me and my sister, so I get emotional. It really has nothing to do with you guys; you guys are the most incredible people."

They talk for a little bit, and Eden defensively says she came on so strongly because everyone keeps asking her opinion on Kim and their relationship because of the parallels. Needless to say they're really put off.

Across the lawn, P.K. tells Eileen and LisUGH that they're like those two Muppets in the balcony and a wonderful double-act; LisUGH kisses Mauricio's ass because she thinks he's going to be a billionaire one day; LVP makes a grand entrance; LisUGH kisses Cheyenne Jackson's ass.

(This is a "watch," but feel free to fast-forward P.K. asking Erika if she's being nicer to his wife/Eileen and LisUGH doing the Charleston.)

Later, Kim talks to Camille about a vacation she's taking with her new boyfriend! Camille admits to being bummed about being alone, but says she's glad Kim seems to be doing so well and is the happiest she's looked since she met her. Camille also says she thinks Eden means well and that, maybe, one day she and Kim could be friends, citing her and Brandi's friendship as proof. Kim's not having it, but at least she doesn't turn into a feral cat the way she usually does, so it’s fine.

(Feel free to fast-forward LisUGH and Eileen looking for and complaining about the Port-a-Potty.)

Making the rounds, Kim doesn't recognize Erika and tries to shake her hand, to hilarious effect. She asks Kim how she's doing and says she feels protective of her, which Eileen bolsters with "at the end of the day everyone's in your corner." And if true, that's great. It's a little late and Kim will probably always hate you, but yes, thanks, that's very sweet. Elsewhere, Eden lists her frustrations with the Kim/Kyle situation to LVP, who very diplomatically tells her that she respects her POV because of her experience, but that: 1. Kyle's not an enabler; and 2. They might have gotten off on the right foot, but her other foot's going to kick her right in the ass if she keeps going after Kyle.

To quote The Great Gatsby: "Reserving judgments is a matter of infinite hope." Sorry LisUGH probably cost you a second season, Eden.


Stop dwelling on the past and watch this episode. The season's not on par with S01 or S02 -- S03, even -- but it's a huge improvement over the last few years and this week's more than worth the time.

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