It's A Sixth Sense, Not A Pill Addiction On RHOBH
The trip to Hong Kong to stop Yulin turns into a very, very different fight.
Packed To The Gills
Ken and Lisa are sprawled out and surrounded by dogs in their closet. Eventually, she gets up and starts fussing over what she's bringing to Hong Kong, culminating in a great back-and-forth in which Ken teases her about bringing three bags. To which she replies, "Erika brings five homosexuals, Ken. I can bring three bags, goddammit!" Paraphrasing, of course.
Meanwhile, Erika's going through her Hong Kong look-book with Mikey, Clyde and Preston (a.k.a. Mikey and the gays from last week). Mikey shouts nouns and adjectives -- as is every gay adult male Mikey's right -- while walking through the looks and everyone's excited. I, on the other hand, am starting to get tired of this trend.
Turns out Cool Ranch has been to Hong Kong "a thousand times" for work. Apparently she used to work for a swimwear line and traveled there to oversee manufacturing. I don't know what to say. Yes, I feel bad for not realizing she's sentient and autonomous sooner. No, I haven't closed my mouth yet.
Then there's RinnUGH, who's somewhere between dog owner and the alleged pillhead this season's positioning her as. People talk to their dogs, yes. And nobody loves RinnUGH's jokes more than she does. But this is genuinely bizarre. She gets way too big a kick out of showing her dog her sunglasses and new shoes. Or Xanax. One of those.
Creepers And Brown-nosers
CR picks LVP up to head to the airport. (Her chrome creepers are fantastic. Does she have a Glam Squad?) En route, LVP justifies ordering a Bloody Mary whenever she's traveling, CR frets over seating arrangements, and there's lite talk of Erika's cold shoulder. At the airport, the other women stand outside and compliment the elaborate outfits they decided to wear on a 15-hour flight. Save Erika, who wisely dressed in a sweatsuit and calls everyone else a dumb ho. Who can argue with that logic?
Notes on RinnUGH: Yikes.
Kyle films the flight to Hong Kong. We've seen it before. What we haven't seen is Eileen half-joking, half-legitimately wondering how it's possible "that all these bitches are sleeping and [she's] the only one that's awake." She must have been in the bathroom when her BFF was passing the sleeping pills out like candy.
Island Shangri-La Hotel
Is there anything better than seeing grown women fight over rooms, or collectively lose their minds over a nondescript lobby (Well, Eileen does) or fish tank? This, however, is very low-energy. Maybe there have been too many luxurious mini-trips this season. Maybe it's because they remind us that on last season's Dubai trip Kyle and LVP shared an entire floor and Eileen's room was underwater. Maybe it's just boring.
If the women can sleep through a 15-hour flight, you can fast-forward to their first meal. Here's what you missed: LVP brags about scoring the "Presidential Suite." The view's breathtaking; the room's just okay.
The Lobster (Bar)
Everyone meets at The Lobster Bar. Now, it says a lot that everyone looks fantastic considering it took three people to orchestrate Erika's stellar throwback to old Hollywood. Anyway, everyone holds up their 10 scorecards for her and pretends to be familiar with Rita Hayworth.
Next, Eden transitions from lightly flirting with Erika, to telling everyone she's treating "London" to a trip to New York so she can meet (read: have sex with) him. How has Eden missed the memo that these women are hardcore prudes? Sure, they love a good dick joke, but the idea of sharing a hotel room with a younger, basically unemployed stranger and potentially having sex with him is an idea from a galaxy far, far away. At least that's their story and they're sticking to it.
They're worried he's going to kill her; she counters with, "You're absolutely right, but guess what I could kill him too." As someone who's compared her to Jennifer Jason Leigh in the past, I think it's a fair response.
LVP invites everyone to visit her documentary's set tomorrow but understands if they'd rather go shopping than watch her record voice-over while dogs are skinned alive in the background. Having been to Hong Kong so many times, CR volunteers as tribute. Eileen, a dog lover, softens toward LVP and considers going.
Common Sense v. The Sixth Sense
The next day, Eileen and CR meet RinnUGH in her room. Eileen says she's considering going with LVP, blindsiding RinnUGH. With CR's blessing, Eileen steps out to call LVP and ask if it's all right. She knows it's a big deal and wants to make sure she won't make it uncomfortable. (Aw, Eileen!) Considering this the plea for forgiveness she never formally received, LVP accepts. It's a nice moment, but it's nowhere as good as what comes next.
Back in RinnUGH's room, she confronts CR about insinuating she has a drug problem. Hey, she's only mentioning it because she, Eileen, and CR are blood brothers and promised to talk this kind of stuff. Oh, and it helps that she's in a position to be defended/featured the way Kim was when she called her an addict earlier this season and all last season. See how that works?
RinnUGH says someone brought the conversation in Mexico to her attention and that she wants to clear the air. Pressed about who said what, she backtracks and says nobody said anything; she just has a sixth sense. Good on CR for trying to pin RinnUGH to one, semi-lucid version of events, even if she did sort of imply she might have a drug problem, albeit in a completely different conversation.
RinnUGH Gets High
Do you really want see RinnUGH and Eden taking selfies at Hong Kong's highest peak? How about Kyle and Erika standing under a waterfall? I didn't think so.
The Road to Yulin
LVP introduces CR and Eileen to Vanderpump Dogs COO Less-Hot Rami Malek and Jean-Luc, the man behind the doc. They watch the trailer for The Road To Yulin together and everyone gets emotional. Afterwards, LVP successfully records her voice-over/THs and Eileen gives her a hug. It's not an Eden hug, but it's a start.
Erika tells Kyle about her trip home. She gets emotional recounting how her mother admitted to being tough on her growing up. She's glad she isn't crazy, but it also breaks her heart. Her mother left a lot of her dreams unrealized to raise her, and in doing so made her personally responsible for making them a reality in one form or another. Sounds like a retread of last week, and it is. Until Kyle opens up about her similar experience and all but confirms the version of her childhood everyone knows occurred but nobody wants to talk about.
Key line: "Sometimes Kim will mention something and I'm like, 'I only remember the good stuff.'"
At tea, RinnUGH tells Eden about her conversation with CR and launches into how "people are saying someone is saying I have a drug problem." Then she starts up with the sixth-sense thing again and pressures Eden to confirm things that, while technically true, weren't intended maliciously. That's just the tip of this conversational iceberg. Drug abuser or not, the problem with RinnUGH getting a taste of her own medicine is that, unlike Kim and Yolanda, she loves it.
Erika gets done up by the glam squad. Elsewhere, LVP and Kyle chat about that night's junk boat voyage.
The women meet in the lobby, which I only mention because it's another instance where Erika refers to the others as "bitches" and "hos." More importantly, for whatever reason, is wearing a wig.
On board, it's smooth sailing until LVP looks out into the distance and someone asks what's on her mind. There's nothing she wants to say, which is great since CR wants to pick up the speech baton and bash RinnUGH's head in with it. Actually, that's unfair. CR handles herself exceptionally well by presenting her issue with RinnUGH as something to be sorted and resolved. Things get tricky once the others get involved. Kyle and LVP don't recall CR being malicious in Mexico. In fact, they remember it being light and fun.
(Speaking of: LVP ignoring Eden's toast and this fight occurring as they bob up and down on choppy water is great, light fun.)
Erika, however, has a different take.
Without getting into it too much (WATCH. THIS. SCENE.) I'm not sure where I fall on Erika's version of that night in Mexico. One thing's for sure, though: she comes on WAY too strong. It's actually shocking seeing her lose her temper so quickly, especially since CR really just wants to talk.
This isn't about a Ziploc filled with pills. This is about a pair of panties. To be continued!
Are you watching yet, dummy?