Photos: Bravo

Talking About Talking

Everyone's jumping on the therapy bandwagon -- from couples to group.

This Silly Chocolate Business

Cynthia and Peter bounce between rehashing last week's "Chocolate"-centric, purse-flying fight and planning some upcoming "music industry" event of dubious merit. Across town, Porsha and Phaedra order lobster and compare notes on Cynthia's newfound two-faced nature, Kandi's wavering loyalties, and, um…Ebola (Porsha's sipping tea because she's convinced she's contracted it). This episode is tedious straight outta the gate!

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Couples Therapy

There's mounting marital discord in Kandiland and the resident RHOA therapist throws open her strip mall doors. Porsha's former love guru tries to get to the bottom of the rift between Kandi and Todd. They breeze past mentions of everything from Kandi's dreadful mother to their contentious prenup to suspicions of cheating. In the end, they walk away with two "homework" assignments: going for a mandated date night, and drafting a "pros/cons" chart. There's no mention of the one true solution, which is to take their marriage off-camera. Who needs marital bliss when there's a paycheck to be cashed?!

Kandi's the New Kim

Kandi's stuck in the middle and frets to Todd that she's slowly being drummed out of both circles. She's attending Peter's "Salute To Excellence" event, which just looks like a banquet hall full of seat-fillers eager to get a catered meal and rub elbows with T.I. and a handful of randomly-assembled housewives. Kenya, Cynthia, and Claudia (oh, and Demetria's there, too) all point-blank ask Kandi if she knew about her BFF Phaedra's alleged affair, to which she replies "no." Todd has already confirmed to Peter that Kandi did in fact know, but, as Kandi points out to the ladies, Phaedra's life is none of their business. They want her to pledge her allegiance to the "right" side and Kandi huffs that she hates being in the middle. So, this is all jut the beginning of Kandi's grand franchise phase-out, right?

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Fix It, Jeff!

NeNe's reached the end of her rope with all the in-fighting. "It's the worst it's ever been," she declares. She goes to her adorable little psychologist Jeff -- who previously counseled her husband's squabbling kids -- and pitches the notion of him presiding over a group therapy session. "I love a challenge," Jeff chirps. He reminds NeNe that, though this session is her idea, he'll be as hard on her as all the other ladies. Poor Jeff; he has no idea what he's getting himself into. (I mean, he obviously does because this is all scripted, but…)

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Phaedra Takes The High Road

Cynthia arranges a restaurant meet-up with Phaedra to address their disastrous dinner. "I don't want it to feel like I'm trying to be in her business and her marriage," she says as she simultaneously does every contradictory deed she can. Phaedra wants an apology. But Cynthia is not coming up off of any apologies. In fact, she starts off attitudinal from the first word. Exactly where did she gets these misbegotten brass balls from?! Her wigs are entirely too tight. She argues she had no malicious intent in bringing up the whole "African prince affair" smear, then tosses in a few aggro hair flips, an "and what?" sneer, and some petty verbal jabs. Phaedra keeps it classy, silently scoots her chair back, and simply saunters out. Such restraint! Especially considering Cynthia deserves to get slapped with all the purses right about now.

Filial Feelings

Kandi's milling about the clothing boutique that most of us forgot she owned when in pops her mom. It's not clear how many takes went into this particular scene, but the tears seem to be welling up from "hello." It seems Kandi's stuck in the middle with her family, too. She's not subjecting herself to their drama because she can barely handle the existing Housewife and actual-wife drama she's already confronting. As a white flag, her mom offers up the house key she'd been withholding…you know, the one that opens the house that Kandi bought for her in the first place. She misses having her whipping girl around and wants her daughter to keep her in her scenes…er, heart.

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Passive-Aggression & Nachos

NeNe hosts a Mexican dinner to run her therapy idea past the ladies. But not all the ladies. Kenya and Phaedra are absent from the restaurant because their brand of drama is deemed most likely to get physical. As it is, the invitees who do show up can scarcely remain civil. Cynthia's all down NeNe's throat, Claudia's still pissed with NeNe over Puerto Rico and Demetria is having a hard time feeling relevant, largely due to the fact that she really isn't. And Kandi just wants to sip her margarita in peace; one standing (likely futile) therapy session is all she needs on her docket right now.

Verdict

This is a groundwork episode, and a frightfully dull one at that. If everyone spent as much energy actually moving on as they do talking about moving on, maybe we could get to the core issues, like where on earth Porsha finds those neon, two-piece, body-con ensembles she keeps showing up in. This whole group pow-wow all seems like a ploy for NeNe to look like the bigger party, but still it's not the worst idea anyone on this show's ever had. Pity it's doomed before it starts.

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