Screens: CBS

We're Gonna Need A Bigger Vote

Will Alicia's dreams of State's Attorneyhood get scuttled by Peter's subtle sabotage? Or are those maybe not even actually her dreams at all?

  • Fashion Show
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    Get The Look: Elegant Deer Hunter

    So apparently when Kurt invited Diane to go deer hunting in Wyoming with a shitload of Republicans and she agreed, she not only wasn't kidding, she actually intends to shoot some stuff! And look great doing it.

    Camouflage Parka: A parka because Wyoming is cold as hell; camouflage because a deer would clock Diane in one of her usual emerald numbers in a second.

    Camouflage Ski Pants: I pray she has cashmere leggings underneath.

    Big-Ass Rifle: I'm not saying she needs to start carrying these in lieu of her usual accessory -- a statement necklace -- but walking into court toting one of these would definitely also make a statement.

  • Awkward
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    Listen All Y'All It's Sabotage!

    Situation: At Johnny's behest, Alicia gave that speech at the Black Business Leaders' event in which she denigrated Peter for his not-great record on race when he was State's Attorney.

    What makes it awkward? They're still married, as far as the world knows, and her campaign still expects him to support her publicly, which he's not that psyched to do now.

    How is order restored? It's not, for a while. At a press stop where Alicia isn't present, Peter's asked about her candidacy and he declares that she's definitely going to win: "As far as I'm concerned, you can take it to the bank." Despite having been around political campaigns for most of her adult life, Alicia somehow doesn't get until Josh and Johnny explain it to her that this is bad: saying that Alicia has it in the bag will depress the vote for her because the people who would have turned out might instead decide that they don't need to. There's talk of fixing the matter with robocalls -- either Peter making a robocall on Alicia's behalf (which he refuses to do), or someone else making a robocall about a supposedly failing measure about parking meters that will be more effective than pleading for Alicia (of which more later) -- but finally when Eli points out to Peter that if Alicia loses and Peter's "take it to the bank" is connected to her loss, Peter will suffer politically, so he arranges a last-minute speech about something or other and snarls traffic in the city, where Prady's voting base is strong. Love or expediency? Is there even a difference for these two anymore?

  • Dialogue
    So this is the top 1% of the top 1% of the top 1%?
    We're not going to talk like Communists here, okay? We discussed this.
    I know. I might start soliciting for the ACLU. Your wife is unpredictable that way....If I were to set off a bomb in this room, we'd have Democratic presidents for the next thirty years.
    Okay, let's just keep that to ourselves.
  • Plot Lightning Round
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    Diane's in the middle of being faintly amused by everything about this hunting weekend when she glances up and notices a certain Gil Berridge, a tech billionaire out of Austin! She calls back to the office to find out from Cary and (for some reason) David Lee what Berridge's deal is, and learns that he actually needs a new lawyer! She tells Kurt he needs to maneuver her so that she and Berridge end up in a blind together! Kurt reminds her that they're not supposed to be working, and she jokes, "You hunt deer, I hunt clients." "But which head are we going to mount over the fireplace?" I don't know, the more we learn about Berridge, the more I think that's actually where his head belongs!

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    There's nothing left for Alicia to do today except eat the donuts Marissa's brought over (apparently the first sugar she's ingested since she announced her candidacy) and maybe take a nap! Johnny checks on whether Alicia's written her speeches yet; she says her acceptance speech is done, but that she's heard it's bad luck to write a concession speech before a vote! I think it's actually that you're not supposed to let a voter see you in your wedding dress before you go to the polls!

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    And then Finn's there to drop off a gift: Halo! It's something he does to distract himself when he's waiting for a verdict! I feel like the Darkness At Noon home game would be a more natural fit, but no one asked me!

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    Then Alicia gets a call from someone whose voice she doesn't recognize, wishing her luck today! Uh oh, it's Bishop! Alicia hangs up on him as quickly as she can and then all but throws her phone out the window!

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    Getting Dylan ready to send off to school with Kalinda, poor Bishop is hurt! He knows Alicia has to distance herself from him, but like, he DID give her campaign a shitload of money! Kalinda reminds him that if Alicia wins, she'll resign from her firm; Bishop knows, but says he'll still need Alicia's help when he needs her help! He wants Kalinda to be a go-between for him and Alicia! That's going to be hard when Kalinda herself needs a go-between for her!

  • Character Study
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    Georgette Will Over Here

    Name: Georgette.
    Age: Mid-30s.
    Occupation: Blonde.
    Goal: To get the most out of this spa day her Gil has arranged for all the hunters' wives; and -- when Diane starts pitching her super-hard because she's heard from David and Cary that Gil left his last firm on his wife's advice -- to give Diane a full and accurate picture of what Gil does and doesn't want from his new representation, whomever that may be.
    Sample Dialogue: When Diane mentions having heard Berridge needs a new lawyer and Georgette surmises that Diane's a lawyer too, Diane asks if it's that obvious. Georgette: "No. You're not Jewish. Gil hates all the Jews around."
  • Awkward
    Gif: Previously.TV

    Gif: Previously.TV

    Follow Back Girl

    Situation: That car Kalinda noticed a few episodes ago is once again or still following her when she drives Dylan to school.

    What makes it awkward? Bishop follows that car, and directs Kalinda to stop at a light they're all coming up to, even after it turns green. As she stops traffic, Bishop's henchmen get out of his car and pull the follow car's occupants out. Aaaaaaand a teacher at Dylan's school sees the whole thing, and asks Kalinda what her "husband" was doing.

    How is order restored? TBD. After Bishop deals with the matter of Dylan getting kicked out of school over the incident, he informs Kalinda that those guys weren't following him: they were directed by Geneva Pine to follow Kalinda. Ruh roh.

  • That Quote
    "First of all, I need to say...your apartment is beautiful."
    - Josh Mariner -
  • Alert!
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    Abortions For Some, Miniature American Flags Poked Into Venison For Others

    Alert Type: Spirited Debate Alert.

    Issue: Diane's trying to land Berridge as a client.

    Complicating Factors: After Kurt calls her with a made-up request for her to bring him a rifle he left in their room so that she can get some face time with Berridge, she makes the mistake of mentioning how much she and Georgette have been discussing Berridge's legal needs and he's like, BYE, whereupon R.D., Kurt's other blind buddy, explains that Georgette isn't Berridge's wife; she's his call girl: "We've been letting Gil get away with that for a few years now. Said he could bring either a call girl or a Democrat. People voted, said they'd rather the call girl."

    Resolution: Left alone in the blind, Diane asks R.D. whether they'd also held a vote on Diane herself, and while it seems to come as a surprise to R.D. that she's also a Democrat, he rolls with it: "I suppose your husband's conservative enough for the both of you." He asks what they should talk about -- "Killin' babies?" Diane: "Sure, why the hell not. We both have rifles."

    Spoiler: Though this may not have been exactly the conversation Kurt would have wanted her to have in his absence, what happens later proves that, when in doubt, it's never a bad idea to act like Diane Lockhart. Also, when she finds out what "R.D." stands for, she's going to be pretty glad that when he made her shoot a deer, she actually did it!

  • And Now, A Word From Our Sponsor
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    The West Wing: The Complete Series!

    If you knew before Josh did that West Wing alumna Melissa Fitzgerald did, in fact, play "one of the secretaries" but not "the one who died," then you will love her cameo in this episode of The Good Wife! Is she the best person to advocate for a ballot measure involving parking meters? Well, in that she doesn't drive, not really! But she's got suggestions for how to fix the script! Easy, Fitzgerald, it's not like YOU'RE Martin Sheen: you're the one who didn't turn Josh/The Good Wife down!

    Anyway: The West Wing is available on DVD and streaming services! Remind yourself of how occasionally important Melissa Fitzgerald's "Carol" was today!

  • Love, Hate & Everything In Between
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    Went To Japan, Made Up A Girlfriend

    Alicia and Finn are playing Halo together and chatting on their headsets when he offers another suggestion for her to distract herself from the election results -- particularly if, as she's already told him, she's kind of hoping to lose and wrote her concession speech right after she announced her candidacy: she should make a plan to go out to dinner! Alicia's like, great idea, how about we do that? And Finn's like, "I feel like a jerk because I suggested it, but I'm actually seeing someone." Alicia's like, totally nbd, but then they sit there for a second making the dumb faces you see above, and honestly, it's not like I blame her for trying to get on Finn's face and parts beyond but like didn't she just bone Johnny in the last episode? Talk about wanting to be the girl with the most cake.

  • Character Study
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    Reese's Pieces

    Name: Reese Dipple.
    Age: Mid 50s.
    Occupation: "Industrial gases, pulp, and paper" magnate.
    Goal: To make lots of money and not pay taxes on it while denying women the right to choose, apparently -- but Diane didn't know she'd spent the afternoon potentially alienating the fourth-richest man in America with her left-wing views until David and Cary called to tell her about this Reese Dipple guy who needs a lawyer and keeps a low public profile and she connected his name to the "R.D." she'd been hanging out in a blind with.
    Sample Dialogue: "I like working with people I don't necessarily agree with."
  • Hell Yeah!

    As If, But...Okay

    Okay, no real news broadcast would ever have the anchor say the station is ready to announce a projected winner in an election and then hold it until after a commercial...but it was worth it for the sake of the joke here.

    Gif: Previously.TV

    Gif: Previously.TV

    hee!

  • Wrap It Up
    Gif: Previously.TV

    Gif: Previously.TV

    When we come back from break...Alicia has won the election! That is...something? She's elated when her phone rings and she sees it's Peter, but it turns out to be Eli on Peter's phone! HMMMMMM!

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    Prady is staring at a traffic light when Alicia slides into the passenger seat of his car! He graciously concedes the election to her and congratulates her before asking what couldn't wait! Well...a job offer! She wants him to come be her deputy: "Be my corrective." "A team of rivals," Prady muses. But his answer is no: he says the great thing about the election (probably the only "great" thing, from his perspective) is that it clarified both their positions, and made him realize he doesn't believe in Alicia's approach or think it will work! "But besides that," Alicia cracks. Prady says he has to go give his speech, and after Alicia confirms that he definitely does not want to be her deputy, I guess that's a series wrap on Prady! Bye forever! It was weird how we found out so late that you were totally never gay at all!

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    In Bishop's kitchen, he and Kalinda watch Alicia win! "Now I need you more than ever," says Bishop! Turns out he wants to get out of the trade, and nothing is more dangerous for an ex-drug dealer! He needs Kalinda to tell Alicia to tell Geneva to drop her investigation of him! Kalinda does not look excited by the prospect of trying to make this happen in order not to get herself killed!

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    And then Alicia is resplendent as she walks into her victory party! Off to the side, Marissa asks Johnny what he's going to do next, and he mentions a job in L.A.! Marissa intends to stay on Alicia's staff, although in what capacity I'm not really sure!

    Gif: Previously.TV

    Gif: Previously.TV

    Alicia and Johnny exchange what might be the first for-real grins of their life together (possibly other than when they boned, not that we saw), but then Peter walks in and Johnny is suddenly (a) in a less-great mood and (b) pretty sure he's going to take that other job and leave Chicago and never come back!

    Gif: Previously.TV

    Gif: Previously.TV

    Bye, Johnny! At least you can be happy knowing you helped Alicia get elected/off!

For Dick Week we ask:

Whom would we like to see/hear about Peter sticking his dick in next?

  • Robin
  • Geneva Pine
  • Eli
  • Eli's ex-wife
  • Jennifer, Grace's dancer buddy
  • a glory hole in the bathroom at Wrigley Field
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