Screens: ABC Family

The Fosters Takes Brandon And Callie To The Point Of No Return

The Fosters get choked up in their tangled webs and Al Lowe ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WITH IT.

I feel like The Fosters has betrayed me. I have doled out a lot of kudos for the honest and moving ways they have maintained an entertaining, soapy drama while truthfully showing the sometimes delicate, often exceedingly difficult realities of all sorts of things: adoption, foster care, same-sex marriage, young people coming out, multi-racial households, mental illness, pregnancy loss and, the worst, being a teenager. I mean, just to name a FEW of the hard truths, right?! And yet we have all noted week after week that "ha ha, uh...is it just me or does Callie appear to be repeating her mistakes over and over again? Sure wish they would move on from that, rather than rolling out the same damn plot line for this character we all love...gee, she sure does kiss Brandon at the wrong time, every time...."

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I don't know why I expected something different to happen, but I really DID. I thought surely, suuuuuuuurely this adoption was going to go through. I know and understand that it's a major drama point to keep an actual foster kid hanging on the line, but Callie had been through enough. Or, actually, she had been through the same thing enough times. People in our forums were boldly declaring last week that they would walk away from this show if this week's previews were to be believed, but I was all, "Nah, y'all! That won't happen!" As naïve as a tween at a gay prom, I was like, "Surely these two characters, who have repeatedly ruined their lives and upturned their constantly-stressed family by kissing are not going to HAVE SEX!" I feel like...do I need therapy? Because I am legit pissed off. I'm one of those people who get real-life mad at fictional TV characters, now. Farewell, forever.

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All we can hope for, I guess is that it was all a dream. Which I realize is cheesy to say, but that's how crazy I feel: I would gladly accept that it was just a dream! I know. I saw the previews for next week, too, and it doesn't appear to be one, so now I have to tune in to see Callie admit in court that she banged her foster brother? And you know she'll admit it, too, which only goes to prove that she belongs in this family, all of whom have diarrhea of the mouth when it comes to telling the truth at the most inconvenient times, as we saw tonight in multiple ethical throwdowns: Mariana confesses her Wyatt tryst to Mat (which put a crack in my heart that I should have known was foreshadowing of worse to come). Brandon doesn't feel like Jin was going to play his piece well enough (working title: "I'm In Love With My Sister, Whom I Will Later Bone"), so he breaks the rules, plays it himself, and wins a spot on stage at Disney Hall. Mike suspects AJ's brother is the one they're looking for in the car wreck situation and contrives to have his prints run, even though he knows it might hurt AJ. All of that is painful, but you can't fault it. Then Stef finds out, finally, that Monte kissed Lena and flips out.

Which...I'd be upset about that, but yada yada, Lena should have told her and we don't have time to worry about it, because Brandon and Callie had sex. Sure, if you look at it through the eyes of an insanely dramatic, irrational idiot, maybe it's understandable that Callie felt like there was no hope for the adoption after it was revealed that BITCH Brooke and that TRAITOR Carmen were fighting about drugs and contrived to blame Rita to save their own asses, attempting to blackmail Callie with her past Brandon relations. Those past relations are seeming so innocent now! Yes, how I yearn for the halcyon days of sibling romance! GOD.

And don't get me started about @TheFostersABCF tweets of slo-mo teen foster family sex gifs that assaulted me when I went to spew 140 characters of rage.

Because, seriously:

And then, WHAT:

Maybe I'm a prude, but: unless it WAS a dream (pleeeaaase) this mess is a miss on all levels, and I can't with any of it.

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