Screens: ABC Family

The Fosters Serves Up Teens! Tears! And Tirades!

Two 'yay's can't overcome three 'ugh's on an up-and-down ep of The Fosters.

The Fosters never disappoints on delivering a Big Moment, and Lena's realization that she has been depressed since losing baby Frankie last year and her confession that she hates looking at the tree they planted in remembrance...well. Teri Polo's face as she listens to Sherri Saum was enough to bring tears from a stone. Runner-up goes to Mariana and Callie's total teen ding-dongability in not understanding how buying a car works and, even after finding out they got played by a thief, still not really getting it. Eternal credit to this show for always getting the teen brain, or lack thereof, on point. These absolutely beautiful moments aside, however, it would be impossible to overlook the top three things I just CAN'T with this week. In order from "siiiigh" to "blaaarrrgh," enjoy:

  1. Let's check Mr. Webster on "godmother"
    Because this is not One Life To Live, where being a godparent means you have to raise a child in the event of his parents' death, being a godparent means you are agreeing to, in the broadest terms, help guide the spiritual path of a child's life. So, whatever, not everyone goes to church or cares about it, nor should Mariana be pressured into it by her biological grandparents. And it's good Mariana stands on her convictions and chooses not to be baptized into a church that is not accepting of her moms.

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    But. The moms' reaction is a little outsized, surely. I am a parent through adoption and though I can't imagine actually doing it, I guess I can think of various scenarios where I'd go ballbusting into a bio-family meeting throwing down "how dare you"s and talking aggressively about who is family and who isn't, but..."We hope you'll be baptized" is not one of them.

  2. Lovely, Rita

    I enjoy when Rita is around because Rosie O'Donnell always serves up the compassionate foster parent realness, but her tough love of poor AJ, who is being jerked around in every direction, giving him the "you only get one strike and you're out with me" lecture? Um, one strike? How many strikes has she given Callie and all her GU gals? For someone who starred in one of the greatest baseball movies of all time, she seems confused about how strikes and outs work. Plus, just knowing the human drama magnet that is Callie (can she go twenty-four hours without being arrested?) and continuing to be associated with her means AJ will need, like, a T-ball bench's unending supply of strikes before he gets called out.

  3. Prepared piano, unprepared for LIFE

    Brandon. Come on, man. Was he so bedazzled by the compact adorableness of Jin, the pianist he shares with Tony, that he did not see the game Tony was running?

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    Tony's all, "Oh, Brandon, you have to go with your gut; maybe prepared piano is too outside the box for Idyllwild, um, bye, I have to go work on some stuff!" He'ss barely even smooth about it, and steals Brandon's work right out from under him? I was kind of into you before, Tony, but for making me side with Brandon and admire his badass speechifying about how he's going to prove himself, you go to the top of the hate list. Say hey to Kat.

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