Photos: Adam Taylor / ABC Family

Lovely Rita, Where Would We Be Without You?

Al Lowe ranks the most shocking moments of this week's The Fosters.

Because Callie is a teenager who is a fool (though a lovable one) for inappropriate boys (her foster brothers), she is briefly staying with Rita BECAUSE HER ADOPTION IS ONCE AGAIN IN JEOPARDY. Y'aaaallll, seeeeriously. Anyway, while at Rita's she meets Rita's personality-disordered, med-skipping daughter, Chloe, who antagonizes Rita into slapping her and…I'm not for physical violence in any situation, ever…but I ain't mad at Rita over this one.


But obviously, that wasn't the only OMG moment to pop off and thus, we must rankle them down from yikes to eeek.

  1. Jude is 40 now.
    How long is it since we've seen Jude?! Because I think it has only been a few weeks, right? Not long enough for him to grow 5 inches, have his voice change, and, if I'm not mistaken, sprout genuine would-be facial hair. I wasn't ready! Connor also is suddenly free of babyfat and basically looking like the lost member of One Direction.

  2. Stef acknowledges Brandon's suffering.
    Where you'd think my natural Brandon hate-on would be in full effect in this episode, in which he not only blows up at his moms about not being there for him during the first part of the whole Callie thing AND accuses them of adopting all these kids because they can't stand to be alone together…I was, instead, feeling him on all of it. Stef and Mike have been really big lately on reminding him to check his privilege with zero acknowledgment of the turmoil of his young and current life. Is he to blame for some of the dumber parts of it? Definitely. Teen or no, he has done some stupid stuff. But is all his angst on him? Not by a long shot. He's the innocent bystander affected by the multiple and sometimes crazy choices of grown-ass adults and when Stef finally owns up to that and apologizes to him for it, and thanks him, he is fully deserving of those sentiments.

    Um…should I do a whole sub-rankle now on the number of ways it's weird that I am suddenly Team Brandon? I won't bother, because you know it can't last long.

  3. Jude makes two bold moves.
    First, when he overhears Brandon's fight with their moms, he assumes the worst and believes that Stef and Lena are splitting up. This inspires him to walk angrily out on his math test and, when caught, yell in Lena's face about it (ugh, when Monte is there to hear all) and run off to Rita's to find Callie. He then tells her of Brandon learning about Callie kissing AJ (who is SO cute, I'm sorry), and -- I don't know, but I feel like he speaks for all of us when he asks her in pathetic exasperation: "Why do you keep doing this?"

  4. Who's slappin' who?
    So, Rita's KIND OF stressed lately. Already at a burn-out point when Chloe shows up, the confrontation with her daughter (in front of Callie) pushes her right up to the edge. When she then returns to the GU house to find Carmen and a new girl, Brooke, fighting, she aggressively tries to break it up and, well…someone punches Carmen in the face. While Rita denies that she did anything of the kind, even Carmen says it was her! Shady-as-hell Brooke backs up this statement, and Rita is led away in handcuffs. Even though Callie saw her slap Chloe not an hour before, she knows this bullshit is bullshit.

  5. An app for that?
    Callie was in full PSA mode for the entire episode about what foster kids go through, to the point where I almost allowed myself an eye-roll. Then I remembered that the things they actually go through are, hmm, let me estimate, 40 bazillion times worse than whatever we can imagine even watching this show, and I returned my eyes to their regular holding area. Anyway, even though all this foster-home shifting of late is due to her own libido, she feels it's absolutely necessary to go on a truth-bombing raid by "uploading" a "video" to her "mobile app" and naming names of the various abusers she has encountered in the system, including the JUDGE who holds the key to her adoption. I don't understand how this app works, but I sense that in this case, the truth will not set her free.

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