Eric McCandless / Freeform

Did The Fosters's Brandon Do A Cleanse, Or What?

And other questions on a slow burn after the latest episode.

While too much happened last week on The Fosters, this week...nothing happens. That's what I get for complaining. I mean, Callie and Brandon get in a circular argument that seems to have inspired them to move on from each other, something they have tried to do a dozen times; Mariana learns some valuable lessons at school; Jesus makes the same old mistakes in a different way; and Jude pines for Connor. None of it does much to move us forward -- and, honestly, none of it even seems terribly connected to anything else. In other words, the questions I had last week are no closer to being answered, and now I need to go a little deeper.

What really gives with this Justina chick busting up in Fost & Found?

Callie is obviously feeling serious bad mojo vibes and struggling to decide which voice in her head she can trust. Is the posting on the website about her having sex with a foster brother really about Liam, as Daphne suggests, or is something far more sinister going on? If it is, I can't think what it could be, nor what Justina could possibly have to gain. Callie talking to Brandon about it and receiving only his morose bullshit in return should, I hope, be the final corner of the wet blanket that snuffs out the hots they have for each other.

Did Brandon do a cleanse, or what?

Speaking of Brandon, he still annoys me on a major level, but boyfriend is looking good these days. For the past season and a half, he's looked like he's operating on no sleep with a serious vitamin deficiency. Maybe it's the new haircut, or maybe it's just that the door is finally (we pray) closed on the romance with his now-sister, freeing him from the bondage of that vampiric relationship, but at least his normally mopey ass seems somewhat re-energized and not like he's suffering from Lyme Disease.

Which terrible choice will Stef make?

And speaking of disease, OMG STEF JUST TELL THE TRUTH AND MAKE SOME DAMN DECISIONS RIGHT AWAY DO IT IMMEDIATELY. Ohhhhh, I feel for Stef. Having learned that she has the BRCA-1 gene mutation, she must strategize next steps. Everybody seems to have an opinion on her boobs and what to do with them -- even Mike, her ex-husband, geez -- and no one is even aware of the seriousness of her diagnosis yet. The thing is, Stef is not great at, like, teamwork? And taking other people's opinions into account? And being the center of attention? And she has all these kids and a wife and a pushy's a recipe for intensity that can only result in a shitcake. She's proven herself many times to reach crazytown levels of intensity over far more minor circumstances, and I have all sorts of bad ideas about what she might do now that she is faced with these decisions: have an affair, sleep with Mike, push Lena into Monte's arms, disappear, go on a bender, shoot someone in the field, get a drastic haircut and/or tattoo, sever the relationship with her mom. There could be some bad moments.

What would Jesus do?

Speaking of bad moments: if we're going to be saddled with Jesus from now on, I'm ready for him to have some. Like, I'm ready for this kid to get his psychological ass handed to him. I need him to have some real feelings about something. If it's one of his moms facing a possible death sentence, fine. The previews give me hope that he's about to do some soul-searching, and I have to ask: what will he find? Will there be a bag of hair where his soul should be? Will there be a mirror? A small statue of himself? I agree with him that being denied his wrestling team spot because he took steroids once, admitted it, and removed himself from the situation is complete BS, especially when compared to the shenanigans Brandon has pulled with less severe consequences, but I do not think it's totally necessary for him to go off the rails with the new greaser in town -- and, hey, Mustang Sal, I saw you clocking Mariana's butt on her way into school. You're not good enough for her! And trying to use Jesus to get close to her is not going to work, because he won't get it or care. Also: Hot Mat! So, go away with your muscle car, Johnny Come Lately.

Sharon v. Lena: who will prevail?

Oh, I know it's going to be Lena, but listen, I love Sharon. I've already said that she is the identical twin of my own pushy mom and I really cannot overstate how much that is true and thus how much I identify with the triangular dynamic going on in this household and, I don't know, something perverse in me is LOVING watching it happen because...I guess because it's not happening to me? I know it's sick. But, like, I was watching it last night thinking "NOW THE WORLD WILL KNOW" how I live. When I saw the CRAZY eyes Stef was shooting at her mom and how she finally had to shut out Lena's measured and healthy attempts at comforting her? That is some real stuff. And that is what makes even an otherwise bland episode of this show worth watching.

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