In which Sarah hate-watches another episode of The Following and chats about it with the disembodied -- and rightly disgruntled -- head of Edgar Allan Poe.
Hello, I'm Previously.TV East Coast Editor Sarah D. Bunting.
Hello, I'm The Head Of Edgar Allan Poe.
Welcome back, Poe Head. Thanks for doing this.
As you will recall, I took an oath.
Yes. And thanks to her punk attire in the season premiere, my enthusiasm for that prospect is undiminished.
Uch, the lip ring. Where does she get these "disguises," Ricky's?
And the mohawk. So half-hearted!
She's the worst. That pissy pout when she realized Ryan Hardy beat her to Bodie from The Wire's apartment looked good on her, though.
Heh, agreed. "The second-suckiest character on the show already tossed the place? Dammit."
It's not that he's that bad. It's that practically everyone else is dead.
BUT NOT JOE STUPID CARROLL.
Well, you can't really be upset about that. We called it, like, 20 years ago.
Which is apparently how long Lammy Davis Jr. was working on that beard. And I think it's real, yikes.
I laughed so hard at that thing. It's like he fell chin-first onto Oscar Gamble.
Now that is a show concept.
But you know what, though?
You have "I think there's a basis for some hope" voice.
Oh, but you completely do.
Okay but so I disagree that that is a voice that I have HOWEVER Ithinkthereisabasisfo--
Enh, I don't disagree, actually.
BECAUSE Bodie fr-- whoa whoa whoa, you don't disagree?
I don't disagree! I mean, I wouldn't say I'm looking forward to the second episode or anything.
But I wasn't mentioned once, A, which in my view is a huge positive step.
B, Emma was barely in the episode, and was thwarted; C, Joe was barely in the episode, and had a possum stapled to his face.
Silver from the 90210 reboot was on it as Ryan's niece, and seems to agree with us that he needs to get a grip.
I know! I love Jessica Stroup.
You're a puzzle, Poe Head. Nestled in the CW.
Wrapped in an Entertainment Weekly, I know. At least they knew how to block a fight on that show.
Oh, I don't know; Dana Brody's nutbag boyfriend from Homeland karate-chopping Bodie from The Wire in the neck came through loud and clear.
That kid is in danger of getting typecast, but he's clearly having the time of his life. That KC & the Sunshine Band dance break with the dead body was really creepy and fun.
Right? I actually had to pause it after he burbled to a dead girl that he can make her an egg-white omelet with spinach. "Wait, did The Following just make a funny? Successfully?"
Definitely some positive casting steps. Still, you're right; there are issues here. The fact that Dana Brody Boyf is playing twins named Mark and Luke is a little much, and of course teaching a profiling course pays so well that Ryan Hardy has a 17-bedroom apartment in Manhattan, one of which --
-- is devoted to a Crazy Wall™
. And now there's a French Emma for some reason.
…Her. "What would make a version of Famous Original Emma even more annoying?"
She's probably one of those "vaccines cause autism" people too.
"Abolish the penny, it's a germ factory!"
Wait, those fools are still a thing in 2014?
…Anyway: the show still has problems.
Oh, big-time. The ginned-up conflict between Ryan Hardy and Mike can end anytime.
And the flashbacks to pre-AA Ryan Hardy.
And the whole situation with Ryan Hardy's meeting crush is going in the "TV is dumb about AA" file.
Is that an actual file you have?
It's a Post-It. On my The Following Crazy Wall™.
I'm with that. But I'm also with declaring, hesitantly, that maaaaybe The Following's second season will perhaps be marginally less unbearably stupid.
I'd tease you for being Equivocation McGillicuddy, but: what you said. Because "Bodie from The Wire stands in the corner like the end of Blair Witch" has a lot of promise.
Fingers crossed. …Yours, anyway.