Who's Clapping For That On The Challenge Reunion?
What to watch and what to skip as Johnny Bananas tries to justify his non-love.
Seconds after Johnny took all the money in the finale, we see the footage again, this time with a picture-in-picture of Sarah looking nauseated...
Bananas vs. Sarah; Bananas vs. The World
Here's what: I don't actually have a problem with Bananas keeping the money. He had the option, he exercised the option, it's a game, he won. I also don't actually have a problem with Sarah feeling furious about it, because doy. What I do have an issue with is Bananas, and everyone else, selling a narrative about revenge. I can't imagine it's genuinely about that, and it shouldn't be in any case; it's about Bananas expertly playing on Sarah's social neediness, and how easy she made it for him to do that.
tl;dr: frog, scorpion, hello.
But as much as I hate Johnny's undercut 'do, Sarah's try-hard pale-blue hair and boo-boo kitty face, and Sarah passive-aggressively refusing to talk so she looks more like a martyr, then having a meltdown and storming offstage sobbing that she's "SO DONE," it's still interesting to watch the various attacks on and defenses of Johnny unfold. Devin bellowing at Johnny that he owed Sarah his presence in the final, for instance; does he, really? Or should we congratulate him on successfully leveraging her puzzle prowess and former-nerd insecurities for his own gain?
Devin's "they're not fuckin' cool; you got duped!" is another telling comment, because he means she got duped into thinking Johnny et al. are the cool kids. The way I see it, she got duped by Johnny, and should probably have known better.
Fortunately, the segment doesn't go on too long, because Wes siding with Johnny is great, but his rationale is horseshit...and Johnny asking why it's worse when he does it than when Sarah does never gets a satisfactory answer, to wit: it isn't, because it wasn't "evil" when she did it, either. It was the game.
The Runners-Up Speak
...How come Teej never attends these? I mean, I know how come; I just wish he would.
Anyhow, after a review we didn't need of Devin and Cheyenne's luck, we find out that Cheyenne post-final was like, I don't know whether to cry, shit my pants, or walk down the mountain -- and Devin told her that if she'd commit to one, he'd join her. Hee!
The discussion of whether either of the other teams deserved to be there makes me realize I'm a hypocrite for slamming Vinna for backdooring a final spot thanks to Bananas, because however you do it, who cares. Wes and Camila put a fine point on that idea by noting that the houseful of relative newbies failed to make the power moves necessary to get the tree-fruit fam out of the game.
House Hookups With Dr. Nessa
The segment does update us on Zach and Jenna ("we don't talk"; he ended up dating that Brooke person for a while), and Dragbrows and Nate (she declines to talk about it; Nate notes that their six-month relationship was great for the first four months, but the distance wrecked it), but Nessa turning the Zanna split into an opportunity to praise Vince for his work as a supportive partner is kind of gross. Pass.
The Editors Insist Vince And Camila Fucked; Vince And Camila Insist They Didn't
The footage is not only interminable but impossible to verify. Nessa tries heroically to gin up A Situation, and Camila takes the bait, and it does look for a hot second like the two of them might get into it when Nessa's all "we can allll turn up together" -- and unlike most MTV reunion hosts, Nessa could probably win a bout on points -- but if anyone believed that this happened, did they want to know about it in the first place?
Also, Wes would like you to know that girls are grotsk when you live with them, because of all the pooping that isn't rainbows. Great work, Carl Burnstein!
Shit They Didn't Show
Men in women's clothing: hilaaaarious!
Late-night pranks: amaaaaaazing!
The Challenged Awards
The name alone meant the segment had promise, but it's only three awards, and it soon becomes clear nobody who isn't present -- and I didn't see Tony there; what's up with that? -- is going to win. In case you're writing a book, though: Nate takes Best Ugly Cry (laaaaame; totally Team Nany for that one); Cheyenne gets Best Wants To Go Home Moment, because she stayed (whatever); and Ashley takes Nastiest Fall, which she celebrates by nearly yard-saling off the dais, bless her heart.
The last half's a FF-fest, unless you enjoy seeing Bananas get whonked in the head with a wooden spoon, but the first few segments are worth a peek.