Does The Challenge Final End Up In Bananas-Splitsville?

Ain't no mountain high enough to prevent even Cheyenne from summiting. What else went down in the season finale?

I don't really think he's going to keep their whole portion of the money, but if he did -- if he truly went there, long-conned Sarah for a whole season and then burned her down to the ground for just not ever learning her lesson about him -- I would respect the hell out of it.

-- me, last week

I'll get right into it, because the order of the finish -- Sarananas in first; Vinna in second; Cheyin bringing up the rear (as it were) -- never really fell into doubt, and the final disposition of the points within each team really didn't either, with the boys from each team winning.

It's the final decision as to whether to split the teams' winnings that everyone came to see, and Bananas was dinner AND a show as usual. Devin and Vince saw no upside to installing lightning rods on their heads over 25 and 50 grand, respectively, so they said all the right things and forked over half the money. Two hundred and seventy-five grand is a different story, even after the tax man gets to it. Everybody already hates and fears Bananas anyway, and he made it sound like he's retiring; having not watched the reunion yet as of this writing and not knowing whether he's still trying to retail the "but look what you did to ME" motivation for keeping the whole pot, I can't say how many props I'll have for it...but right now?


Again, I wish he wouldn't ruin it by payback's-a-bitching that Sarah had it coming; if you're going to pull a gangster move like that, pull up your big-gangster pants and don't try to justify it on emotional grounds. But: it's gangster, and I hope he sticks the landing at the reunion.

'Til then, your final rankings for the season, best to worst.

  1. Devin
    The guy should start a band and call it "Charm Offensive." He's great at not losing his temper with Cheyenne, jollies her out of her pooping issues with a fond "the struggle is SO real," and admits that, while he wants to scream directly in her face to go faster, he knows it won't work. I hope MTV threw him a bonus for all the goddamn GIFs of him borking that are all over the network's social media. Comeback Player of the Season, I'd say.
  2. Bananas
    I hope he does take the money and run; his dominance of the game isn't good television anymore, hasn't been for awhile. But what a way to go out -- it's flawless narratively, it's flawless branding, AND he gets to keep nearly 300 grand. Slow clap, you unap-peel-ing bastard. Now git.
  3. Jenna
    Neither useful nor offensive. Hope she spends part of her prize money on a trebuchet to speed up Zach's move-out.
  4. Cheyenne
    Her sobbed "My parents will kill me if I take a shit on TV!" is sort of winning, but if she's back in future seasons, she should seriously consider training beforehand.
  5. Vince
    Ol' Iron Guts is a champion at the gross-foods breakfast, and gets off a line about his partner only eating chicken nuggets and Skittles, but never does he acknowledge that, sans Sarananas's coattails (and a handful of injuries and bailouts), he's out of the shit by May. Sadly, Bananas's retirement is unlikely to subtract Plantains from our lives at the same time.
  6. Sarah
    ...Well, yeah. This is what you get when you put friendship over money with THAT guy: neither. And anyone over the age of four could have told you that. Her need for his forgiveness has driven me bazoo all season, and it's not that she apologized; if she thought they could work better together if HE thought she was sorry, that's smart. She's not "wrong" to want him to forgive her, either, because you can feel however you want...but she shouldn't have let Bananas see it, because then he can leverage it.

    With all of that said, knowing what she knew when she knew it, I don't think Sarah could have done anything differently as far as the game outcome. I won't say definitively that the producers made sure this is the crossroads everyone arrived at, but it wouldn't surprise me; I don't see where Sarah could have played the final differently if she knew Bananas was full of shit, or the rest of the game for that matter. I don't think she played the GAME badly.

    But she played the game PERFECTLY when she ousted Bananas and started all this, and I am tired as FUCK of women apologizing for looking out for number one.

Episode Superlatives

MVP: Bananas.

LVP: Whoever designed the final. Boring puzzles only delayed a foregone conclusion.

Best Quote: "This is why I do this," Sarah croons at the stunning mountain scenery. OH WORD?! ...No, it isn't. It's the money. Please please get a "money. dick. power." tat and look at it every day.

Sickest Burn: Devin is urging Cheyenne on with "we're SO close," at which time the camera pulls back, then back some more, to let us know the top of the mountain isn't even in frame yet.

Best Reaction Shot: 2016-08-04-challenge-vince-reax Crimes Against Fashion: 2016-08-04-challenge-teej-beanie

The Wrath Of Teej: The air must be rull thin up there because nothing gets much of a reaction from Teej, not even Sarah's tumbling to the ground in bronchial dismay. He tells her he's really sorry, then...I guess rushes off to tweet about it? idek.

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