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The Bachelorette Visited Aaron Rodgers's Hometown, And All She Got Was This Stupid Brother

JoJo is visiting the remaining four guys' hometowns and ranking them by worthiness of their families. Who will prevail?

Chase's Hometown Date

Chase comes from a "broken home" in Colorado, and is eager to share his family dysfunction with JoJo! As he and JoJo sit on a mountain and drink an unspecified liquid from metal goblets, Chase shares that his parents had a really bad divorce! This revelation makes JoJo feel as if they are "connecting"! Later, Chase's dad shows up to meet JoJo. As JoJo looks on, Chase conducts a little family therapy sesh with his father about why his parents' marriage collapsed. JoJo should definitely be present for this. Chase's dad haltingly explains that his marriage fell apart because he was "climbing the corporate ladder," which I'm really hoping isn't a sex euphemism. Once JoJo has shoved off, Chase's dad asks him how he's going to handle it "if" JoJo doesn't pick him in the end. Chase: "I'm not going to deal with the 'what if's at this point." Good plan!

Later, Chase takes JoJo to meet the rest of his family (his mom, sister, brother-in-law, stepdad, and nephew). Chase's mom, Sandy, is wildly (and weirdly) enthused about meeting JoJo and is immediately won over! Meanwhile, Chase is telling his sister that he's struggling to drop the "l-bomb" with JoJo because he's still so scarred from his parents' divorce. But in the next breath, Chase says he's "ready" to tell JoJo he loves her. Sure, that makes sense. They've spent at LEAST two hours (perhaps as many as two and a half!!) in each other's company: it's definitely time to profess love. As they are saying goodnight, Chase tells JoJo he's "falling in love with" her. She seems underwhelmed. 'Kay, 'night, Chase.

Jordan's Hometown Date

Jordan is from Chico, California, and he can't wait to share his "life and past" with JoJo! He takes her to his high school, where they meet his old football coach and teachers. Not lame at all! While they are admiring old photos of Jordan that just happen to be hanging up in the school, JoJo -- whose Aaron Rodgers-spotting eye is keen -- spies a photo of Jordan's elusive (and much more famous!) brother and asks about it. Jordan blows her off. Undeterred, JoJo brings Aaron up AGAIN, asking if she's allowed to talk about him when meeting the family. Jordan tells her that Aaron doesn't need to be a topic of discussion with his family. In other words: YOU ARE NOT GOING TO GET TO HANG OUT WITH OLIVIA MUNN, JOJO. LET THE DREAM DIE.

JoJo pretends to be excited to meet Jordan's non-Aaron family! He introduces her to his non-Aaron parents, his non-Aaron brother Luke, and Luke's non-Olivia Munn girlfriend. As is her wont, JoJo brings up Aaron right away with Luke, who looks pained and says the estrangement with Aaron is something the family doesn't talk about. HINT HINT, JOJO.

Somehow, despite her unrelenting Aaron-baiting, JoJo manages to win over Jordan's family. At the end of the night, Jordan tells JoJo that his family "love[s]" her and so does he. But the date ends on a sour note when JoJo says she's scared that Jordan is going to get cold feet if she picks him at the end (which is almost certainly accurate). But then again, she might eventually get to meet Aaron Rodgers, so...six of one, half a dozen, ya know?

Robby's Hometown Date

Robby is from Florida. Strike one. He's also that contestant who refers to the lead as his "girlfriend." Strike two. And he "wears [his] emotions on [his] sleeve!" STRIKE THREE. On his hometown date, Robby wants JoJo to say that she loves him. Shoot for the stars, idiot. JoJo, for her part, has "moments" where she feels like she's falling in love with Robby, but she's conflicted because he very recently broke up with a serious girlfriend. Robby claims that his past relationship is "never going to be an issue" and that he hasn't thought about that other lady even once this whole time! Sure!

It's time to meet Robby's family! They all cheer when JoJo walks in the door, which seems...unnecessary. He introduces JoJo to his mother, his father (who asks to be called "Coach": gross), his two sisters, and his two brothers. Everyone hoists giant glasses of wine and they launch right into a recap of Robby and JoJo's "relationship," which consists of observing a fireworks show together once. Robby tells his brothers that if things work out with JoJo, it'll be a "fairy tale ending." BLECH.

Everything's going great until Robby's mother informs him that his ex-girlfriend's roommate is making it seem as if Robby broke up with said girlfriend so that he could go on TV. Gasp! Robby is so upset, he barges in while JoJo is talking to his sisters and confesses that there are rumors about him online. JoJo presses Robby to tell her the truth about the situation with his ex. He insists that he is telling the truth, and that the relationship was over nine months before it ended. JoJo swills white wine as he talks and does not seem to be buying it. But eventually she tells him she trusts him, and they kiss. Hooray?

Luke's Hometown Date

Luke is from Burnet, Texas. He brings JoJo to a picnic to which he has invited his entire town. Then, they eat barbecue with his family before Luke and JoJo ride horses to a couch made out of hay bales, sitting in the middle of a field. Normal. Luke rambles on about how "excited" he is about their "future" and concludes by saying that he "want[s] the future." Finally, he leads her out to a heart made out of flowers and tells her that his heart is hers. Blarf.

Rose Ceremony

The men are brought to an air hangar for the rose ceremony, because why not. JoJo is going to send Luke home, she tells the camera! But before she can start the rose dolin', Luke pulls her aside and tells her he's "in love with" her! She thanks him, sends him back inside, and then proceeds to pace back and forth while talking to herself and cry/laughing. TO BE CONTINUED.

Verdict

Booooo-ring. Watching JoJo try to extract information on Aaron Rodgers out of his brother is legitimately entertaining, but the rest of this can be ceremonially burned on a bonfire.

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