Photo: ABC

Say Yes To The Des

The odds on what might happen in next week's Bachelorette finale.

It's obvious after last night's Bachelorette that Desiree Hartsock -- having given her heart to Brooks, only to see him leave it out on the counter overnight -- isn't going to get engaged this season.

Well, it's obvious to civilians. To anyone who's watched the show before, the outcome of next week's finale is harder to gauge from here. The show is on record as hating a no-ring finale, and has spent several years shaming Brad Womack for (TOTALLY UNDERSTANDABLY) picking neither of his final two, so that's one thing. Another thing is that Chris Harrison didn't drag that interview with Brooks out for no reason; he wanted to get in Brooks's head about whether Des really is The One, and it's not like you hate her or anything, and let me ask you again if you're sure, and what if you go home and then she gets hit by a bus or something, you soulless dickhead?

And the third thing is that, whether the Harrison mindfuck worked on Brooks, or he just fell prey to that in-break-up urge to stop the sadness by whatever means and maybe it's not so bad to keep going out if it means we stop crying, Brooks was having second (or third, or whatever) thoughts about the decision. Or about possibly breaching his contract, which may allow Harrison and/or other associates of the show to meet Brooks at Gitmo for a brisk reprogramming sesh.

It's the fourth thing that's truly telling, though: Desiree told Brooks she loved him, on camera, as she's really not supposed to do, and I just don't think there's any way the production leaves that in the episode if she ends up saying yes to Chris or Drew.

So what's going to happen?

Brooks Comes Back, Apologizes For Fucking Up, Takes A Knee, And Des Says Yes

Odds: 2-5

Rationale: The East Coast HQ peanut gallery sees this as the most likely outcome, and I agree. Des has been seen out and about with a ring on, though that could very well be a fake-out -- but the production is highly motivated to get a ring on her whichever way, and while her reaction might seem to this break-up is disproportionate (as they all are on this show), it's probably genuine, and I don't see her shrugging it off and saying yes to someone else.

I also don't see her resisting pressure from the show (or her own poor self-image re: relationships) and no-thanksing him if he comes back.

…And Des Says No

Odds: 10-1

Rationale: Des really thinks she loves Brooks. She doesn't want to humiliate herself. Harrison will not let her humiliate the show. If the show arranges Brooks's return, they're probably making damn sure she's receptive first. She should send him packing, because they don't have much chemistry and she'll spend the rest of their relationship wondering when he's going to change his mind back, but the Hartsock wants what it wants.

Brooks Is Out For Real, Des Negs The Other Two

Odds: 20-1

Rationale: Nobody involved wants this to happen, and it doesn't seem likely after The Womack Affair, but if Brooks doesn't change his mind, this could go down. Des is a lot of things -- most of them dull -- but she's not craven, I wouldn't say. Even after she's calmed down a bit, I doubt she shrugs, "Fuggit," and goes with either of the others.

Brooks Is Out For Real, Des Says Yes To Chris

Odds: 50-1

Rationale: She's openly bored with him and his gimmicky non-verse, with good reason. I'm not convinced he'd even ask if it got that far, and it's probably not going to in the first place.

Brooks Is Out For Real, Des Says Yes To Drew

Odds: 75-1

Rationale: He's heroically trying to convince Des and himself, but he's not into ladies like that.

Discussion

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