Like puns on the verb "to blow"? Me too! (As you may have read in the men's room!) Lucky for us they're the best part of the last episode. To the Ford Fiesta, let's go!

Start and Transportation

An infomercial for the Ford family of vehicular products, interrupted only occasionally by lowlights like the mispronunciation of "Edinburgh," the Racers' next destination, and unattractive smugness on the part of the dominant alliance of Newlyweds, Country Blondes, and Hockey Bros. Mostly I mean the Country Blondes, and one of them drives with her parking brake on, like, for a while, so she can shut up anytime.

The Roller Moms and YouTube think they have the first flight, but actually wind up on the second and last flight; that's basically the episode in a nutshell.


One teammate has to learn to play the bagpipes, then march around historic Gosford House, tootling away, with the Royal Regiment of Scotland. The sight of Max and Bates in traditional Scottish kilts is not the worst (I'm only human), and the women have to wear the kilts as well, which is fun.

Not as fun as Jen observing of Caroline, "She's a singer, she knows how to blow"…or Caroline whinging, "My mouth is starting to really hurt"…or Jennifer muttering, "She's freaking out, she's blowing too hard." Or Joey cracking up at Meghan's look of consternation. The audio isn't the greatest -- it's bagpipes, what can you do -- but the visuals alone make up for it.

After casing a castle for the next clue, it's on to the…


Teams can do Tasty Puddin' (fill an ox intestine to make haggis, then taste it, while a Robert Burns impersonator quotes Burns's famous haggis poem at them) or Whisky Rollin' (deliver eight barrels of booze to a nearby festival).

The Hockey Bros pick Whisky, and carry the barrels instead of rolling them, which makes the barrels harder to control. Everyone else does the haggis (ew)…but the Big Three have exercised their double-U-Turn rights on Roller Mom and YouTube, which means those teams have to do both Detour tasks, and the Roller Moms have to handle a Speed Bump as well. As a result, while the Detour isn't dreadful -- Bates, bowed under a barrel, cracks that he feels like Atlas, and "we have the same body, so…" -- it just goes on forever.

Point is, it's still between the Roller Moms and YouTube here.

Speed Bump

It's basically bowling. They do fine at it. Next.

Pit Stop

Despite misdirection editing of the Roller Moms getting stuck behind a bus, longtime viewers will know it's not a horse race -- and it isn't. The Newlyweds arrive first and get 10K each, followed by the Hockey Bros and the Country Blondes, blegh.

Mona and Beth eke out a fourth-place finish. I may have underestimated them (although next week's previews indicate that an exhaustion meltdown is imminent); well done, ladies.

And it's so long to YouTube, a team I'd just started to enjoy; you could see Joey in the act of maturing in the last few weeks of the show (or maybe just being too goddamn tired to act like Pee-Wee Herman all the time). I don't think they had one snipey moment towards each other, either.


Not a total waste, but heavy on Country Blonde cutesiness, and the ending is telegraphed by the end of the first segment, alas. Check out Bates in a kilt, bag the rest.

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