Where Should Hot Debate Guy's Next TV Gig Be?
The latest GOP debate had a pretty clear winner, and it wasn't Scott Walker. How should Hot Debate Guy Gregory Caruso capitalize on his new notoriety?
Even if you declined to watch last night's debate of Republican presidential aspirants on CNN last night -- it's not hard to imagine you found a better use for three hours of your life, including picking a fixed point on a wall in your home and staring at that instead -- you still probably caught wind of the broadcast's breakout star. While last night the preppie sitting behind Jake Tapper's right shoulder was just #HotDebateGuy, he has since been identified as Gregory Caruso, "an aspiring filmmaker who also happens to be the son of billionaire real-estate developer and Republican donor Rick Caruso." As far as this commentator is concerned, the hotness of anyone who would not just voluntarily attend a GOP debate but sit in the front row is debatable, but as Richard Lawson notes in his above-linked post, the more one learns about Gregory Caruso, the less attractive he becomes. He's directing a documentary showcasing "business owners who specialize in American made products for men" because he wants "to shed light on the value of American made goods, what constitutes being a true gentleman and where these two topics intersect"? Hard pass, and no, that is not a boner pun. (First and last time I'll ever write THAT sentence.)
His barfy politics aside, Gregory Caruso was a legit hashtag last night, and if he wants to avoid becoming a meme, he needs to capitalize on his weird moment of fame -- and fast, since Funny Or Die has probably already written a clip about him and approached Billy Magnussen to play him in it. Here are a few unsolicited yet totally solid suggestions.
Special Correspondent, How I Rock It: "The fuck is How I Rock It?" Exactly. It's a show on the Esquire Network -- before you ask, it's a real cable TV network (it replaced Style two years ago) -- in which host Baron Davis profiles stylish men. Given the subject of his documentary, Making The American Man, Caruso has an interest in men's grooming and fashion, and Esquire undoubtedly has an interest in exploiting someone's microfame to get coverage for any of its original programs.
Pit Crew member, RuPaul's Drag Race: We may not know what was under Caruso's summer-weight suit last night, but wouldn't we all like to find out? Log Cabin Republicans, consider yourselves temporarily pacified.
Smarmy neighbour, Togetherness: Brett and Michelle are finally convinced that the East Side has changed beyond recognition when Caruso's Trey buys the house next door to share with three of his old frat bros.
Rhonda's college ex Derek, Empire: We don't know that much about Andre's wife Rhonda other than that she's from the South, she doesn't come from money, and she's white, the last of which is probably the biggest strike against her among members of the Lyon family. Caruso doesn't have to be able to act to portray an Ivy League-looking white guy Rhonda used to date; he could even just roll by in a #tbt post on her Instagram to send Andre into a bipolar tailspin. (Classic Andre!)
Murder victim, American Horror Story: You're telling me that jawline wouldn't be totally at home in a scene with Matt Bomer and Cheyenne Jackson? Please.
Contestant, Lip Sync Battle: Surely someone could dig up Obama Girl for a special political-sideshow episode?
Himself, House Of Cards Season 4: Now that Claire's left Frank, she needs a new himbo to work out with. Maybe she runs into Caruso at one of his dad's fundraising events and decides he'd make a passable piece of equipment for her to do Pilates on.