Photo: Jordin Althaus/AMC

How To Harvest A Chris Hardwick

That ubiquitous host of Talking Bad is too busy to do your project, so why not make your own Nerdist?

So, you’ve got a show about zombies or video games or superheroes or the nature of human evil itself and/or animated time travel in their last blaze-of-glory season. You want a host for a talk show to competently discuss what goes on in this hit show you’ve got on your hands.

The host has to speak the language of the web, keep it together under the pressure of live TV, and be hip and knowing without seeming smug and smarmy.

Young and pop-culture-obsessed viewers should be able to identify with him.

Cute hair would be a plus.

Well, damn, sorry, but Chris Hardwick is unavailable. Not only is he hosting the Breaking Bad after-show Talking Bad, but he’ll most likely be returning for another round of the Walking Dead companion show Talking Dead. He puts out multiple Nerdist podcasts a week, does voice work on the animated Sanjay And Craig, and is prepping a late-night talk show, @Midnight, to follow The Colbert Report on Comedy Central in the fall.

Like Aisha Tyler, another videogame-playin’, stand-up comedy chops-havin’ personality who suddenly seems to be popping up everywhere, Hardwick is crazy busy and appears never to sleep.

Chris Hardwick would like to do your show. He probably already likes it; you won’t hear a negative word out of him. But, hey, why not make your own Chris Hardwick? Using these off-the-shelf components, you can create your own Nerdist.

Photos: Jordin Althaus/AMC; Clipart.com

Photos: Jordin Althaus / AMC, Clipart.com; Illustration: David T. Cole

  1. 10% Ryan Seacrest’s tireless work ethic.
  2. 5% Punching above his weight in booking A-list talent for his TV shows and podcast.
  3. 3% Nice hair
  4. 5% Has apparently seen every TV show and movie ever made, yes including all of Doctor Who.
  5. 10% Geek love and positivity for all things, even stuff Hardwick’s clearly not into himself.
  6. 5% Permanent indigestion from years of holding back Hollywood vitriol and gossip.
  7. 12% Good listener and banterer.
  8. 5% All-access passes to Comic-Con forever and ever.
  9. 8% Chipper, upbeat talker who can make the most mundane shit sound squee-worthy.
  10. 5% Dark alcoholism period that nearly killed him and now gives him the tiniest bit of edginess.
  11. 3% E. from Entourage’s Taking Shit Seriously While Everyone Else Is Fucking Around.
  12. 3% Running from gig to gig and seeming vaguely exhausted by it all.
  13. 2% Surprising talent for clever, filthy penis jokes.
  14. 5% Wearing dad’s suit and tie to the office (even though his dad was actually a pro bowler).
  15. 4% Unspoken frenemy rivalry with podcast rivals Marc Maron and Scott Aukerman.
  16. 5% Not talking shit about Singled Out co-host Jenny McCarthy at every opportunity even though no one would blame him if he totally did that.

Or, you know, just ask Chris Hardwick. Maybe he can still squeeze it into his insane schedule.

Update: Chris Hardwick chimes in, gets new gig:

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