NBC

Choice Television Mullets Of 1991

From Alaska to the Zit Remedy, the best of the small screen's (show) business in the front, party in the back.

As I pulled together the screenshots for 1991 Week's Mullet Show At Lunch, it occurred to me that I could just as easily have done a Pleated Jeans Show At Lunch -- and I also realized that many of the mullets I'd taken for granted I'd find, like Alex P. Keaton's late-season feather-fest on Family Ties or Woody's overcompensatullet on Cheers, didn't belong to 1991.

And it saddened me deeply that I couldn't track down MTV's 1991 Rocks N' Jocks softball extravaganza online, although I have a feeling the mull-timate in stringy-back/spiky-front, the Roger McDowullet, in fact belonged to a later year like 1994. (And put my tween crush on him on life support until his 21st-century homophobia could come along and pull the plug.)

But I did find a few unanticipated gems along the way, like the Alex Van Hullet in this '91 interview with MTV's Kurt Loder. (I also remembered that my brother and I used to call Loder "Fart Odor" and laughed for ten minutes, because that's the maturity level around here.)

MTV

MTV

The '91 episodes of Growing Pains proved a challenge to screencap, and Kirk Cameron's little puff-mull was gone by then anyway. Good thing Jeremy Miller (or should I say "Jeremy MULL-er") stepped up.

ABC

ABC

The Uncle Jesse mullet window had closed on Full House as of 25 years ago. Not so the Coullet window, though I recalled Joey's ape drape (geddit? 'cause he happens to be wearing a gorilla suit in this shot? ...I'll let myself out) as far mangier and more aggressive.

ABC

ABC

Pat Mastroianni busts out the Joey Jeremullet in the Degrassi High finale. (Not the movie, the other one that actually aired in '91.)

Playing With Time

Playing With Time

But the Jeremullet pales beside the curly, gellish mull-of-fame 'do on Wheels.

Playing With Time

Playing With Time

A comparatively tame shot of the Joey Mullawrence.

NBC

NBC

Steven Weber still kind of has a mullet? But he sells it, I don't know how. His Wings bro was less successful with the Tim Dullet and it was a relief to me that the show's second and third seasons missed that look.

CBS

CBS

Tony Danza's mullet is a barely-there affair in S7 of Who's The Boss, but I kept it in here anyway because of the determination of Angela's date's pouf.

ABC

ABC

Nineties TV Fashion NY Bureau Chief J. Seinfeld from the episode "The Truth," and it's even worse in the stand-up segments.

NBC

NBC

Bless Mario Lopez's Z-Cavaricci'd little heart (and the hearts of the background actors up top there; the one kid's mullet looks like a table skirt). It's curly AND spiky AND gelled AND it's seldom the fugliest thing in any given shot.

NBC

NBC

The timeline of Balki's mullet is somewhat murky to me; I feel like he showed up in Ameddica with a mullet when the show started in the mid-eighties, but that was supposed to be uncool in some Soviet way, and then fashion kind of overtook him? In any case, this is some impressive famullial volume.

ABC

ABC

"That's the best shot of the Fleischmullet you could manage? Weak." I know, right?! But the Mullow hadn't really gotten underway yet and we were of course years away from the Paul Provenzullet. (Or is that era of Northern Exposure like Friday Night Lights's second season and we just pretend it...wasn't?)

CBS

CBS

It's really a pity that Markie Post's most egregiously mulletoid bilevel coif didn't overlap with the leonine mullet of latter-day Harry T. Stone (hee, I almost typed "Ben Stone"; very different show, and let us now take a moment to acknowledge the many defense counsullets of one Dennis Boutsikaris on Law & Order). Hat tip to the pleated jeans as well.

NBC

NBC

It's all a circullet of love: 1) one of the plot keywords for MacGyver on IMDb is "mullet"; and 2) the man in question is rolling his eyes because he's just been informed that a recurring character played by Mayim Bialik was drinking, bringing it back around to Blossom.

ABC

ABC

I recalled the L.A. Law-lets as much bigger and stickier, especially the Harry Hamullin. But despite the best efforts of the Hamullin and the Bernsullet, the Sifuentullet continues to reign supreme after a quarter century. Praise be to its pyramid shape and raven sheen. Praise be to its owner, the only man in television who could make that suit look expensive. All hail the Smullet.

NBC

NBC

People, you don't know what I suffered to get these screenshots, seriously. Home Improvement is a terribly annoying program and matters only improve from the credits, a slapped-up minute and a half that feels like a month and, typically of the era, is supposed to look "kooky" and "fun" but achieves only "cheap" and "amateurish" -- and the Tim Allen Scooby caveman grunts, I can't, gah! Not to mention returning to a time when that Monchichi Jonathan Taylor Thomas was on the inside of every fifth-grade girl's locker door, AND the obnoxious spelling of Zachery Ty Bryan.

ABC

ABC

Once the show proper is underway, the Allen mullet is under far better control, at least in 1991...but the Bryan mullet, ooooo-fah. That's some Talladega-toddler shit right there, and it's so unattractive, I almost admire it.

ABC

ABC

...Almost.

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