Tyler Makes Nova's Birthday Party All About The Adults On Teen Mom
From Butch to Kim to Catelynn's empty womb, there's a whole lot of hokey-pokey going on.
This week, two Teen Mom kids have birthday parties: Nova and Leah. While the show timelines are all over the place as usual (Nova's birthday is in January, but in Maci-ville it's still Thanksgiving) the difference between the two parties is striking: Leah's is appropriate for a smart, fun eight-year-old girl whose parents and their partners have all managed to get along for a change, and she gets exactly what she wanted as a present. Nova, who is now two, is mostly a backdrop for her extended family's issues, which include recently being let out of jail yet again (Butch), being nosy as fuck (Kim), and being pretty over this entire show (Tyler's rarely-seen sister Amber, who is very into her phone).
While getting (and wearing) decorations for Nova's party, Tyler goes into a spiel about how much he wants another kid pronto, specifically a boy-child. Catelynn makes the excellent point that she had bad postpartum after Nova was born, and she's hesitant to go through something like that again. Also, Nova doesn't even own any clothes so there wouldn't be hand-me-downs for this kid anyway. But we do get Tyler saying he googled "how to conceive a boy" and that he needs to eat more pineapple, while Kim says you have to do it doggie-style. No thank you, please.
Also discussing kids or the lack of them are Amber and Matt. Despite having about 29 children between them, there's a sad strummy-music conversation about how the meds that Amber takes for her mental health would be potentially harmful to a fetus, and it's a bad idea for her to go off of them. No mention of how neither of these people seem to care that much about their existing offspring, then?
|Teen Mom OG-y Element||Present?|
|Crying||Farrah has stopped speaking to Debra, which is a great idea that will not last because Family Therapy offered a nice big paycheck. She is talking to her dad, though, and cries at Michael about how hard this all is.||Fighting with ex or current boyfriend/husband
||After agreeing last week to plan Leah's birthday party together, Gary and Amber go to check out a venue and then argue about whether they need slipcovers on the chairs so all the decorations will be the same color -- shockingly, "fashion maven" Amber can't stand not matching, while practical Gary thinks it's a dumb expense and they'd be better off putting the money toward gifts. They manage to mostly keep the bickering to a minimum, and Leah's birthday party looks like a hit.||Obligatory cute kid||Speaking of Leah's birthday party, the scene of Leah in a magician cape holding a wand and trying to make Matt disappear is one of the best things I've seen on this show in years. Meanwhile, in the "things that should not be shown on television" department, Tyler and Cate broadcast Nova's semi-nude potty training woes yet again and Maci tells Bintlee to "stop messing with your pecker."|
|Crimes against the English language||Kim asks Tyler if Cate is pregnant, and he says "no" while nodding his head. So…yes? But also no? Way to not understand how body language works, Ty. Larry and Jen want Bintlee with them for Thanksgiving with extended family in Alabama, but Maci wants to take him to Texas to be with Taylor's relatives. Larry and Jen are frustrated, and Larry vents to producer Jaala that there's "some kind of hokey-pokey going on." Another place where there's hokey-pokey going on is Texas, where Farrah's neighbors are furious about Starburst the mini-horse living there and have notified the authorities, causing her to threaten to move to San Diego, which she totally did not pick because Simon lives there. "Not living in a peaceful way has been pissing me the fuck off," she says with zero trace of irony.
Starburst, to his or her credit, is not buying it, probably remembering Farrah's non-move to L.A. last season. Free Starburst!
Nova's second birthday is full of questionable decisions, including this shirt she gets as a present from Grandpa Butch.
Way to make sure Nova learns about America's prison culture before she learns how to pee in a potty or wear a shirt.
|"Shocking reveal" we already knew about from Us Weekly/the internet||Catelynn is not pregnant, but she and Tyler sure think it's hilarious to joke about it and then make fun of people for taking the joke seriously. When I told you guys to get a hobby, this isn't what I meant.|
|Tertiary character as voice of reason||Gary's brother Robert and his kids are here--have we ever seen this guy before? I remember Gary's mom being around a lot in the earlier seasons but I didn't know who Robert was until the chyron came up. He seems… fine? Farrah's friend Paola is back, confirming that she has ruined her natural beauty with plastic surgery.|
|Shit-talking||Maci says that Rahhn sends her mean texts calling her names the minute MTV cameras leave --
so she reads them aloud on camera anyway for good measure. Over in Rahhnland, Mackenzie has to tell him not to call Maci a punk, although he says he had way worse words in mind.
|Mom whose segments are totally worth skipping||The Maci vs. Rahhn back-and-forth has boringly happened so many times that I wish Leah could show up with her magic wand and make it all disappear. Although it was pretty (unintentionally) funny when Maci listed all the things she taught Bintlee how to do and they're literally all sports things and a halfhearted add-on of spelling.|
|Meta moment||The crew is all way more into Starburst than they are Farrah, but who wouldn't rather pet a pony than listen to Farrah's latest word salad? Amber tells Kristina she cried while watching footage of her and Gary's vow renewal ceremony on the show last year, and that Kristina "deserved it." I wonder what Amber thought of the part where Leah told Kristina how much she loved her?|
Eating more pineapple
Eating more Starbursts (the candy, people, I'm not a monster)