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The Teen Mom OG Crew Tries To Navigate Dangerous Waters

On a trip to Puerto Rico, Amber, Catelynn, and Maci experience literal ups and downs.

Last week was one of the most disturbing episodes of reality TV I've ever seen, and considering I voluntarily sat through three seasons of Rock Of Love, I know what I'm talking about. Matt's manipulation and abuse of Amber were on full display as he pressured her into a quickie Vegas wedding, and talked shit about her to production only to be nice to her face. It's sad and fucked up, especially since in real time they met with a porn producer, and I somehow managed to feel sorry for the woman I watched punch Gary on national television. But let's momentarily put all of this aside because this week MTV pulls a classic move: sending the cast on vacation, Real World-style. Maci, Amber, and Catelynn, along with their respective significant others, head to Rincon, Puerto Rico to lie on the beach instead of the couch and to drink with friends instead of alone. And that, as an old-school MTV slogan once said, is when things start getting real.

Teen Mom OG-y Element Present?
Crying Remember last week when Maci said something major was up with Rahhn but wouldn't come right out with it on camera? She's happy to let Amber and Cate be the ones who say the actual words, with Amber saying she can recognize the symptoms of addiction in other people since she knows it so well from her own experience. Maci breaks down about how she's scared all the time that Rahhn is going to OD or die, and says that everyone in his life -- presumably including Mackenzie -- is in denial about the fact that he needs to go to rehab.
Fighting with ex- or current boyfriend/husband
Amber and Matt, who have been bickering a ton since getting back from the ill-fated Vegas trip, get into a canoe…

and immediately tip it over and fall in the water. Hmmm, I feel like there must be some deeper meaning to this scene. What could it possibly symbolize? Maybe someone on the editing team was an English major.

Obligatory cute kid Bintlee (in a fake British accent for some reason): "You're lucky I like your zucchini."
Maci: "You're lucky I cook your ass dinner every night!"
Crimes against the English language Farrah announces she has been invited to South By Southwest "to go public speak," and the woman who introduces her refers to Farrah as a "multi-time business founder," since they apparently both have Executive MBAs in Word Salad. After the gang buys a Puerto Rican grocery store out of its entire booze supply, Cate says they'll be having a "smorshboard" for dinner. Gary, Kristina, and Leah have not heard of Puerto Rico and think it's in Mexico. Leah says she would rather go to Philadelphia. Meanwhile, Catelynn is sure they'll have really good Spanish food there.
Style disasters This episode has a significant amount of shirtless Matt Baier, which a) should be illegal and b) I did not attempt to screencap. Watch at your own risk.
"Shocking reveal" we already knew about from Us Weekly/the internet Although most of the internet has been speculating about exactly what Rahhn's deal is and doesn't buy that Jen and Larry story about how the giant family fight was about an Allen wrench, Maci actually utters the word "rehab" in this episode, and Cate and Amber both discuss his addiction issues as a given because they've both grown up around that behavior and know it well. There are very few storylines on this show I would pay money to learn more about, but exactly what Rahhn is addicted to and what's going on with him behind the scenes is one of them. Somebody please call The Daily Mail already!
Tertiary character as voice of reason One day the conversation turns to parents, and Amber starts getting emotional talking about how hard her mom worked to keep food on the table and how her father was an alcoholic. She gets really upset talking about her dad was dying but said he was trying to hold on to see her get married, and as she walks away it's producer Kerthy who comforts her so that Matt can hog the attention he gets for being such an attentive partner. How that woman made it through last week without punching Matt in the face or filing a sexual harassment lawsuit after he basically told her to blow someone to keep unflattering footage of him off of TV, I will never know. Fuck off, Matt. And fuck off Tyler, who feels the need to empathize with working-class Amber by saying his mom worked at a mortgage broker's office.
Shit-talking Maci fills Taylor in on who's going on the PR trip: "All the important people from our show." Sensing some shit talking on the horizon, Taylor adds that since it's not their birthday party they didn't get to control the invite list, but Maci redirects: "I would have made the same decision." Glad those peace talks went so well, everybody! And over in non-Puerto Rico, Farrah is actively ignoring Simon's calls to the level of making Michael answer them and pretend she's not there. Farrah says she's better at cutting people out of her life because since Daddy Derek is dead she can't communicate with him. Um…that's sort of not the same thing? And also the number one person you need to cut off -- your mom -- is currently sitting across from you at the table.
Mom whose segments are totally worth skipping Unless you're dying to see Paola's latest set of fake lips or watch Farrah treat her dad like her personal assistant (spoiler: you're not), there's no need to watch any of her SXSW fakery.
Meta moment During her SXSW talk, Farrah mentions that she started out on a reality docudrama series --
which would be the show we're currently watching. On the way to the airport, Cate says that people are going to wonder why Farrah wasn't invited on the group trip. To his credit, Tyler responds, "No one's going to wonder about that."
9/10
Final Score
90%
Going to Puerto Rico
10%
Thinking it's in Mexico or Spain
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