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Is Alex Still The Crappiest-Life-Having Teen Mom?

The Misery Index for the latest Teen Mom 3.

There's a change in the rankings for the first time this season, know, everyone's life is still pretty bad.


Last week, I noted that the other three moms probably watch Mackenzie's segments laughing or crying about how basically okay her life is now that she's had her baby. This week, it occurred to me that Mackenzie might watch her segments and feel embarrassed about the same thing, because guess what her big issue is this week? It's time for the PROM. Will Josh, her fiancé and the father of her son Gannon (ech) want to go? Having agreed to go, will he have fun? Will he pay for their tickets, which are thirty whole dollars each? Will Mackenzie make the wrenching sacrifice of borrowing a friend's old prom dress rather than spending the equivalent of a month's worth of diapers on a new dress? She does borrow a dress, she does look cute, Josh does look like he had fun, and they even go to the after-party. Though sex is much discussed, and though Mackenzie now has an IUD, Mackenzie is officially abstinent (or, at least, is on the record with this policy position) (for now).


After the very aggressive, kind of scary fight Katie had with Joey last week, things seem to have noticeably calmed down this week. Joey agrees, if reluctantly, to join Katie for couples' counselling before they take the step of moving to a new apartment as they'd planned, and though I don't love the way their therapist keeps turning away from them to take notes as if she's their new accountant or some shit, both Joey and Katie agree that they want to be together and don't want to fight anymore, particularly not in front of Molli. (Based on the dreamy way Katie talks to this therapist, I wonder if she is getting help from another medical professional who may have prescribed her Valium, but I am certainly not qualified to make a determination either way.) In the end, Joey and Katie do move to the nicer new apartment as planned, and we even see Joey co-parenting their baby, Molli, and smiling more than once. Based on the scenes from next week's episode, this détente doesn't last, but it's nice to see for now.


I feel like we can all agree on two things with regard to Briana. Thing #1 is that Devoin would be doing Briana's whole family a favour if he could just quit dicking around pretending he has any intention of being an equal presence in his daughter Nova's life. I truly can't believe he has gotten as far as he has giving this kind of performance: who believes that Devoin really wants to take Nova anywhere and take care of her for any significant length of time? Does he have a baby seat in his car? Does he have baby toys wherever he lives (recall that, as of the series premiere, Briana didn't know where he was)? Based on the fact that Devoin still keeps bringing up the fact that Briana didn't put his name on Nova's birth certificate, I refuse to believe he has any interest in Nova for Nova, and that the only reason he hasn't fucked off completely is a narcissistic notion of Nova as an extension of himself. A verbal promise to chip in for half the cost of babyproofing the house? No one even pretends to believe that will ever be fulfilled. Thing #2 is that Brittany must congratulate herself daily for having made the right choice with regard to her own pregnancy. As you may recall from Briana's 16 And Pregnant, Briana and Brittany were pregnant at the same time, but Brittany (the elder of the two and apparently a lot closer to college) decided to have an abortion. Even while Briana was still pregnant, Brittany was pointing out to her that when a future Brittany was going out and having fun, Briana would be stuck at home with her baby, and even then, Briana seemed to know it was true. It doesn't seem like Brittany is having a ton of fun now -- she appears to pitch in a lot with Nova's care, despite being a college student now -- but whenever Devoin shows up to let Briana and Nova down again, I feel like I can tell she's thinking she's glad she avoided this kind of bullshit for herself.


After a terrible showing last week from Alex's recovering junkie/live-in kind-of boyfriend Matt, I certainly never expected that he'd find a way to fall even lower in my estimation. How could I have possibly guessed that Matt would repay the hospitality of both Alex and her mother Wendy by flirting with some other bitch on Facebook? SLOW CLAP FOR MATT. The lead-up to this revelation is pretty annoying too, as we see footage of Matt with his buddy Murray, the latter congratulating Matt for getting away from Alex, that monster who's letting him live with her in exchange for apparently nothing whatsoever. When Wendy arrives home and asks about this Facebook hussy, Matt gets excessively angry and defensive (which I think is probably partly a show for Murray's benefit). Then Alex gets home from one of her three jobs and things deteriorate further.


Somewhat redeeming herself from all her "you two need counselling" crap from last week, Wendy tells Matt he has to leave immediately, like, FINALLY. But then Alex breaks my heart some more by shrieking at Wendy that she doesn't want Matt not to be a presence in their daughter Arabella's life -- and the examples she throws out of the sorts of questions Arabella may ask in the future (not just "where's Dad?" but "why don't I have the same dad?") are obviously questions that Alex has had her whole life and that have made her feel inferior. This is obviously very tough stuff for Alex, and she probably does, as Wendy tries to suggest, need solo counselling to work through it, if for no other reason than to accept that growing up with a terrible dad is probably a worse fate for Arabella than not knowing him at all.

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