MTV

Kail Still Doesn't Want To Talk About It On Teen Mom 2 -- But Javi Does

Who else thinks MTV frantically re-edited this episode after Kail's pregnancy announcement?

Basically every episode this season has had Kail saying some version of "I don't want to talk about it." Other than being extremely boring to watch, it made me wonder what juicy tidbit of gossip she was trying to keep from getting out -- and now, several episodes in, we know: she's pregnant with her third child, the dad isn't Javi, and the timeline is pretty suspicious considering she's in the thick of a divorce. Now that her news is public, it does explain a) why she's been so weird and shifty this season with the constant attempts to control filming, and b) why Javi is next-level pissed at her.

Luckily for the viewers, this week's episode shows that even if Kail keeps her own mouth shut on camera she can't control what other people are going to do, and Javi provides us with one of the most entertaining confrontations in a long time.

Teen Mom 2-y Element Present?
Crying Barb and Jenelle's long-referred-to court date is looming, and they both have to be deposed by their respective lawyers. Unsurprisingly, Barb's section is pretty short, while Jenelle's covers everything from her drug use to her decision to keep having kids to having been seen with Keefah. In case it wasn't clear enough how this could go or MTV is trying to subtly influence the North Carolina family court system, there's a scene of Jenelle shit-talking her mother to Dave on speakerphone and then one of Barb breaking down in tears as she talks about Jace and his feelings. Barb makes the excellent point that Jenelle is living off of MTV money and hasn't bothered to pursue that medical assisting career she wouldn't shut up about back when she and Nathan were sparring in court. I'm glad literally anyone on this show is thinking and planning ahead for the post-Teen Mom days, and it makes me sick how Jenelle makes fun of Barb for working for a living.
Fighting with ex or current boyfriend/husband Lean back and get comfy, everybody, because the last five minutes of the show is when shit gets good. After their day in court to talk about custody, Kail (in jeans and a tight top) and Javi (in a dress shirt, which Kail snarks on for some reason) try to have lunch and talk about their plan for splitting up Lincoln's holidays. Kail, as usual, thinks the solution is her getting her way and everyone else going along with it, but it looks like it's going to be harder to get Javi to roll over than it was to push Jo out of the way. Almost immediately, the conversation turns into a fight. She storms out while he follows her into the parking lot to yell about how she's not allowed to claim she puts the kids first when she slept with someone else while Javi was deployed and now doesn't want to admit it. Kail says that it happened after she filed for divorce, but Javi doesn't think that counts and says he found another guy in his house -- I'm guessing that would be the same blurred-out boyfriend we saw earlier this season.

Kail stomps out to her car, where producer JC is waiting to try and get her to talk about it. She keeps repeating that she "didn't come here to fight," which is true because she came here to yell at Javi and then have him just sit there and take it. Then she closes the door on his arm. The episode ends with Kail ripping her car's dashboard cam off. I hope production takes the cost of a new camera out of her fee.

Obligatory cute kid Little Addie just got back from spending time with Jeremy, and it left her in a hilarious mood: in the backseat of Leah's car, Addie starts yelling about wanting long nails and a boyfriend and a trip to Wal-Mart. That's better than the situation poor Gracie is in, though: Leah, while doing her Look At Me Being The Best Mom song-and-dance routine again, goes over the top complimenting Gracie on her handwriting, adding that it's extra-special because "she's scatterbrained" and "not the one you would expect." There's damning with faint praise and then there’s just kind of insulting your own kid. As Corey would say, Jesus God, Leah!
Crimes against the English language Jenelle says that one of her accomplishments is "getting out of a domestic violence relationship." Chelsea instructs Aubree to "close your eyeballs," which sounds painful. Britnee thinks Cole's last name is pronounced "Deboyer" and Chelsea has to correct her that it's "Debore."
Style disasters Javi's fistbump Crossfit T-shirt really needs to shut up.

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That said, he has a point about Kail needing to stop insisting that she was parenting "all by herself" while he was deployed, because a) his income was paying for that house she lives in, b) they went to summer camp during the day which counts as a form of childcare and c) she had lots of support from Jo and Vee and the Marroquin family. G-d knows girlfriend found plenty of time to post butt selfies on the internet.

"Shocking reveal" we already knew about from Us Weekly/the internet We already know that Chelsea and Cole had a boy, but they make the official on-camera announcement this week after a visit to the ultrasound place. More specifically, Cole gleefully announces that his kid has a weiner. I'm not going to attempt to make either of these MENSA members read Steven Pinker, but can we all agree that dudes being super excited their fetus has a dick is a gross trend that needs to disappear immediately? Chelsea does at least know that the baby was made from a sperm and an egg meeting, so maybe she did some reading up on itsyoursexlife dot org? Also, Adam has a warrant out for his arrest yet again for being behind on child support yet again, despite his weeks of on-camera denials.
Tertiary character as voice of reason Jenelle's latest Rent-a-Friend, Jamie, comes over. Jenelle mentions that Dave is "at school," which probably means he's learning Spanish ahead of when he goes on the run from the cops and tries to make a break for Mexico. Jenelle tells Jamie that Barb only wants to keep Jace because of the money she gets paid for having him on Teen Mom. Well, it's that or wait for you to pay all that back child support you've been stiffing her on, right Jenelle?

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Jamie and her wonky eye, though, are not buying it. This will probably be the last time we see her.

Meanwhile in West Virginia, Leah has two friends over -- Leslee, who I think we've met before, and Crystal. I was so astonished that Crystal's name was not spelled Krystyll*! that I honestly tuned out for most of this scene.

Meta Moment Kail may be saying one thing, but her oversized clothes, puffy face, and attempts to film all scenes while seated behind a table or steering wheel say another. Now that the news is out, will we get to see Kail's ill-advised third pregnancy play out on camera? Javi seems to have run out of fucks to give, so hopefully we'll get to see him confront her and spill more about what happened while he was gone.
Mom whose segments are totally worth skipping Chelsea's segments are now so lifeless that we have to watch her summarize things we just watched on camera before the commercial break, and Leah's constant forced positivity just makes her look like she's one bad storm away from breaking in half. If you're just here for the trash (and you are, because you watch this show) skip to Kail and Javi's scenes and nothing else.
Misogyny Jeremy informs Leah that he and Brooke got engaged while on their vacation with Addie. He seems blasé about it, then says his favorite thing about Brooke is that she's good with kids. Wow, romantic. No wonder you've already broken up by now. Leah uses this as a chance to go on a weird, rambly tangent about how you shouldn't get married unless you want to be with someone forever, and divorce is terrible, and she should know.
8/10
Final Score
80%
Judging someone for working at Wal-Mart
20%
Really wanting to go buy fake nails at Wal-Mart
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