Summer House Hosts TV's First Snapchat Story Arc

New arrival Jaclyn shakes up the Summer House with her self-described 'cock-tease' ways, but it's Carl who causes drama in absentia with a mere Snapchat.

Oh, it is just so sad to see that beach-house weathered-cedar paneling, so synonymous with cute Cape Cod-style beach houses, be used for something so vulgar as a hot yoga studio. This is why we can't have nice things.

We get our final cast member this week, when "fit model" Jaclyn arrives from Cabo. She gets right to work wedging herself between Kyle and Carl and also Lauren and Carl. It's all tedious, but it's a veritable godsend compared with the misguided notion Bravo has that we want to see these people working on their weekday jobs. If I never have to see Kyle hovering over his computer in his disgustingly well-appointed Nolita loft, approving the new line of gym shorts they're selling, it'll be too soon.

Summer House continues suffering the new-reality-show growing pains of trying to scrounge up drama out of not much. These Housewives-adjacent shows often struggle in their first seasons, if only because the really good stuff only comes out after everybody's gotten the chance to see what everybody else was saying behind their backs when the show finally airs. So: baby steps.

  1. Everett
    We didn't get much of Everett and Lindsay after the first 20 minutes. It looked for a second like we were going to get Kyle vs. Everett Round 2, with Everett's aggro army training puffing him all up. He seems like he'd be a huge chore to be around. I resent how much he makes me agree with Kyle.
  2. Lindsay
    Don't say "I clearly need to see a therapist" on TV or else Dr. Phil shows up in your bathroom mirror. Lindsay's self-awareness about her mother/abandonment issues would be more sympathetic if she hadn't earlier earned my ire for pretending not to know what the term "soap opera" means.
  3. Kyle
    The fact that Kyle is the blond, East-coast counterpart to Jax Taylor makes me instinctively want to think better of him than he actually is. That is a trap and white-people nonsense to boot. Kyle is awful. He's a dummy who can't grasp the concept of Jaclyn being a "fit model." He creeps on Jaclyn late at night when she's in bed sleeping. He sells glorified swim trunks to wear at the gym like he invented the concept. He calls himself an "entrepreneur." He 100% always looks like someone just asked him to do complex long division in his head. Kyle is very bad.
  4. Cristina
    Cristina was this week's dedicated sideline reporter, talking about how all the drama is bothering her. Better luck next week with a storyline!
  5. Ashley
    Ashley continues to have zero story, only making her voice heard to talk about how much she's going to kick Carl's ass for being unfaithful to the non-relationship he has with her sister. Still, that "married twin" chyron will crack me up all season.
  6. Jaclyn
    Bad first impression. Points for nonchalantly deflecting Kyle's nocturnal advances. Minus many, many more points for all that "women are competitive and catty" business. Even if the twins then proved her right by finding a way to talk shit about her definitionally perfect body. Jaclyn seems very interested in branding herself in opposition to things. She's not a slut, she's a cock-tease. She's not a girl's girl, she likes hanging with the guys. Which would be fine if she were interesting. But referring to sitting between Carl and Kyle while they eat tacos as "really sexual" is the mark of a terminally boring person.
  7. Carl
    Carl, you beautiful rat fink. The stuff at the Milwaukee wedding was bad enough; it's not that he was out of line to take a date to a wedding; he's not dating anybody so that's more than his prerogative. But sending Lauren the snap with his mom and Stephen the snap with his date had all the signs of a made-for-TV flourish, showing off at Lauren's expense, and that makes him look like an asshole. As does openly flirting with Jaclyn in front of Lauren.
  8. Lauren
    I think I like Lauren in that she mostly knows the right way to react to things, she just comes around to it in a roundabout/delayed fashion. Like when she sees Carl and Jaclyn engaging in a flirtatious game of Kan Jam, Lauren knows the right reaction is no reaction, but she can't help throwing side-eye where the cameras can see. Similarly, when she spots the Snapchat of Carl with the mystery wedding date, she immediately snaps into angry mode, before making the conscious decision at dinner that this isn't something that looks good to freak out over. She can't win this battle against inherent drama for long, but I am sympathetic to her efforts to try.
  9. Stephen
    Sigh. See, this is what happens when you put a solitary gay guy on a show full of straight people. He's got no drama of his own, so he's stuck getting overinvested in other people's biz. This week, that's Carl and Lauren's budding non-relationship. I'm not going to get into whether Stephen does or doesn't have a li'l crush on Carl (not like I can blame him), but what's clear is that he's trying to make Carl's argument for him and squabbling with Lauren as Carl's proxy. You are better than this, my Southern belle.
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