This article contains information that could be considered too revealing according to our spoiler policy. Proceed with caution. You can't unsee it!Reason The show doesn't TECHNICALLY premiere until January 16, close to a week after this post's publication; however, it already had a backdoor pilot airing at the end of the January 9 episode of Vanderpump Rules. (We got a screener for the first official episode.)
Should You Go In On Bravo's Summer House?
Bravo's new reality series about pretty idiots (technically a Vanderpump Rules spinoff) might just sour you on white people forever.
What Is This Thing?
Bravo's latest reality series about well-off white people with nothing but time on their hands. This time it's set in Montauk, but don't let the fact that Billy Joel once wrote a song about this place fool you; this is just Hamptons-adjacent. Almost all of the show takes place within the confines of a massive summer mansion, equipped with bedroom cameras in the sweaty hope that some of these sculpted dummies will pair off and take the jitney to bone-town.
When Is It On?
Mondays at 10 PM on Bravo, starting January 16.
Why Was It Made Now?
Because Vanderpump Rules is the only show in the Housewives Television Universe that isn't feeling long in the tooth, and Bravo hasn't been able to successfully launch any of its various singles-being-awful series outside of that umbrella -- your Southern Charms; your Après Skis -- so they decided to pull off the same kind of backdoor pilot that birthed Vanderpump Rules from the forehead of The Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. So Monday night's two-hour VDPR was in reality seventy minutes of regular Vanderpump -- including Stassi, Kristen, Katie, and Scheana encountering a suspiciously well-captioned group of revelers -- followed by fifty minutes of what was, in effect, the Summer House pilot.
What's Its Pedigree?
You know. Bravo. Andy Cohen. The collective will of thousands of gay men to find a bunch of straight folk to laugh at for a few weeks.
Look, Bravo has some white TV shows. Aside from the Atlanta housewives and Married To Medicine, it's not at all remarkable that a Bravo show is full of white people. But this show is EASILY the whitest show in Bravo's history. The main guy, Kyle (who gets a very Lauren-Conrad-on-Laguna voice-over), is so Aryan-looking, he's being considered for a job in the White House. There are no fewer than four identical-looking blonde women, and only two of them are actually twins.
Best I can shake out the characters: Kyle is President Abercrombie, with some kind of authority over the rest that isn't explained. He's the one who compared Stassi to Steve Jobs in Monday's VDPR, then hooked up with his ex the next night. No game. Unfortunately attractive. Ashley and Lauren are twins and, like, models or something. Everybody else is in finance? It's kind of glossed over, but they all have money. In the backdoor pilot, Lauren hooked up with Carl, who should not be as hot as he is, considering he talks about "chicks" all the time. On a show full of guys you wish you didn't think were hot, he's the hottest. Lindsay and Everett are a recently coupled couple, and they're the worst by FAR. He's also the least hot guy. They're the couple who get into fights in the middle of giant beach mansions about why he's texting another girl. All they do is fight. He's not even cute. Lindsay's roommate is Cristina, who is a professional hater, which makes her one of the least hateable people on the cast.
I'll give this to Summer House: it's nice to watch a show on Bravo where the gay guy is the least embarrassing one. Stephen is handsome, has a bit of an accent, and thinks all his friends are dumb. He can stay.
Also, despite severe skepticism, I can already feel that semi-familiar Stockholm Syndrome settling in, where I hate these people but I like talking with my friends about how much I hate them. If that persists for too long, I'm gonna end up watching this.
Despite the above re: Stockholm Syndrome, I don't see Summer House approaching Vanderpump levels of watchbility, and I'll tell you why: the guys are more or less as hate-watchable as the VDPR guys, but the women are SO VERY BORING. By this point on Vanderpump, Stassi had already presented as a sociopath capable of remorseless murder, and Scheana had been dressed down by Brandi Glanville. Thus far, the Summer House ladies have argued about roommate etiquette, and the one twin is married. We can find hot Aryan-looking guys elsewhere on the dial.