Star Trek: The Next Generation S03: Oh Crap, Son, It’s The Borg

But that's just one highlight in our more descriptive Season 3 episode blurbs.

  • Nanites Take Over The Ship And It's Wesley's Fault Because He Was Too Busy Working Through His Mommy Issues To Tend To His Science Project (Also, Wesley's Mommy Is Back On Board...Pulaski Who, Right?)
  • Data Evicts A Bunch Of Settlers From A Planet Where They Don't Belong, And The Experience Somehow Makes Him A Better Musician
  • Totally Unrelatedly, The Enterprise Finds Even More People Living Someplace Where They Don't Belong, Except It Turns Out They Aren't Actually People (And One Of Them Gets A Really Awful Song Stuck In Troi's Head, Sort Of Like A 24th-Century Rickroll)
  • Dr. Crusher Stomps All Over The Prime Directive, Which Leads To A Bunch Of Primitive Vulcanoids Adopting Picard As Their New Deity
  • Spot Conlon From Newsies Is A Traumatized Child Who Turns To Worf For Grief Counseling, And Things Go Better Than Expected, Even After Some Noncorporeal Beings Make Things Worse By Offering To Let The Kid Live In A Delusion Full-Time
  • LaForge Figures Out How To Free The Enterprise From A Trap And Still Finds Time To Get Totes Inappropes With A Hologram Of An Actual Living Human Being Who Has No Idea She's Been Hologram-ified
  • Worf Refuses To Donate Blood To A Romulan; LaForge's VISOR Breaks While He's Stranded On A Planet With A Different Romulan; Everyone Learns To Get Along With Romulans
  • Troi Hooks Up With This Super-Aggressive Diplomat Who's There For Some Kind Of Boring Negotiation Thing That Takes Up Way Too Much Of The Episode; Troi And Crusher Wear Totally '80s Leotards And Work Out Together, Which Is Way More Compelling Than Anything In The A-Plot
  • The Crew Fights Space Pirates And Solves A Murder; Riker Seems Less Disturbed By The Fact That He Hooked Up With A Serial Killer Than By The Fact That She Lied About Her Age
  • A Romulan Defector Hides Aboard the Enterprise, Curses At Worf In Klingon, And Then Saves The Universe, All With A Heavy Dose Of Shakespearean Allegory
  • Check Out The 'Stache On James Cromwell (Nope, He's Not Playing Zefram Cochrane Here, It's Some Other, Unrelated Guy)


  • After Dr. Crusher Gets Kidnapped By A Terrorist Who Enjoys Drawing Pictures Of Her Eyes, There's A Lot Of Philosophizing On The Nature Of Revolution That's Really Just An Excuse To Make Up Fake Future Earth History
  • Even Other Qs Can't Stand Q, So Corbin Bernsen Kicks Him Out Of The Continuum And Takes Away His Powers; Naturally, Q Goes Straight To The Enterprise, Where His Superpower Of Being Annoying Appears Undiminished
  • Picard Gets Riker Off The Hook For Murder With Some Clever Zaprudering
  • Denise Crosby Takes A Break From Superstardom To Revisit Her Old Pals, And Only Guinan Thinks This Is Weird
  • Having Mastered Art, Music, Drama, And Comedy, Data Turns To Parenting As His Next Hobby (Leading To The Genesis Of This Meme)


  • Worf Meets His Long-Lost Brother, Then Pisses Off All Of The Klingons So Badly He Gets Kicked Out Of The Klingon Club
  • Picard's Evil Twin Seems Way More Fun Than Picard Ever Was
  • Picard’s Vacation Gets Cut Short When Some Random Lady Wants Him To Re-Enact The Plot Of National Treasure
  • Troi Plays Matchmaker For One Of Her Ex-Patients And The Sentient Spaceship Of His Dreams
  • Lieutenant Barclay Learns To Delete His Holodeck Browser History
  • Data Gets Kidnapped By The Ultimate Star Trek Fanboy
  • Spock's Dad Has Vulcan Alzheimer's Disease, So Picard Needs To Mind-Meld With Him In Order To Save Some Diplomatic Thing That Is Crucially Important But That We Will Never Hear About Again
  • Riker, Deanna, and Lwaxana Are Saved From The Ferengi By Wesley Crusher, Boy Genius (And Patrick Stewart, Shakespearean Actor)
  • An Alien With The Amazing Power Of Early '90s CGI Visits The Ship And Kills Worf (Don’t Worry, He Un-Kills Him Later And He Feels Really Bad About The Whole Thing)
  • Oh Shit, Son, It's The Borg


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