Star Trek: The Next Generation S02: Worf Participates In A Holodeck Program Where Klingon John Tesh Pokes Him With Sharp Sticks

All the season's highlights, in the form of more honest episode blurbs.

  • Over The Course Of Two Days, Troi Randomly Gets Pregnant, Gives Birth, And Watches The Kid Grow Up Into An Annoying Moppet Who Is Thankfully Gone Just As Quickly As He Arrived (Actually, He Turns Back Into The Beam Of Light That Impregnated Troi In The First Place Which Is A Little Creepy In An Oedipal Way)
  • By Making Humanity Seem Like A Bunch Of Impulsive Dicks, Picard Defeats A Smug, Godlike Being Who Makes Q Seem Pleasant (Say What You Like About Q, But He Never Asked People To Bang Each Other So That He Could Watch)
  • Data Dresses Up Like Sherlock Holmes For The First Time, Breaks The Holodeck For What Will Not Be The Last Time
  • Guest Star Billy Campbell Does His Best Dread Pirate Roberts Impression; Data, Requiring Humor Lessons, Turns To SPECIAL Guest Star Joe Piscopo For Coaching, Which Is About As Funny As You Think It's Going To Be
  • A Deaf Mediator Teaches Everyone A Very Special Lesson About Disability (Hammered Home When Pulaski Offers Geordi The 24th-Century Equivalent Of Lasik, Which He Declines)
  • Data Meets, And Then Gets Possessed By, His Creator's Mentor, Who Turns Out To Be A Total Douchebag
  • Everyone Learns A Very Special Lesson About Playing God After A Visit To The Ominously-Named Darwin Genetic Research Station And A Bout With A Mysterious Rapid-Aging Disease That, To The Chagrin Of Everyone, Fails To Claim The Life Of Pulaski
  • Wesley Befriends A Fellow Annoying Know-It-All Visiting From Another Ship Who's Mostly Just An Excuse For The Makeup Department To Reuse This Cool Prosthetic They Made One Time; Riker Takes A Temp Assignment With The Klingons And Ends Up Beating The Crap Out Of Half The Crew
  • Data Goes To Starfleet Court To Defend His Personhood, And For Some Reason Riker Has To Be The Prosecutor; Also, Starfleet Brass Keeps Calling Data "It" And Data Somehow Never Once Threatens To Demonstrate That He Is Fully Functional
  • Wil Wheaton Is Far Enough Into Puberty Now That The Writers Figured Wesley Should Make Out With Someone, So They Give Him A Space Princess Who Turns Out To Be Made Of Light Or Something
  • The Enterprise Gets Hit With A Computer Virus, The Cure For Which Amounts To Turning Everything Off And Turning It Back On Again
  • The Crew Finds The Dessicated Corpse Of A Stranded Astronaut Who Spent Decades Inside An Alien-Made Simulation Of The Maddeningly Terrible Suspense Novel He Was Reading When He Got Stranded (Lesson To All: When You're Going On Space Trips, Bring Only Good Literature)
  • Picard Meets Himself From Six Hours In The Future; Future Picard Is Such An Unhelpful Asshole That Present Picard Murders Him
  • Riker's Dad Visits And It Turns Out He Totally Banged Pulaski One Time, So Riker Works Out His Daddy Issues By Playing American Gladiators; Worf Participates In A Holodeck Program Where Klingon John Tesh Pokes Him With Sharp Sticks (Hey, I'm Not Judging)
  • Data's Friendship With A Child Forces Everyone To Violate The Prime Directive
  • Q Asks To Join The Enterprise Crew; When Rejected, He Throws A Tantrum And Introduces Everyone To The Borg, Except The Borg Is Just Not That Into Them ("Yet," Adds Guinan, Ominously)
  • A Bunch Of Really Grabby Aliens Who Talk Like Four-Year-Olds Kidnap LaForge; Pulaski Performs Life-Saving Surgery On Picard, Who Is Pretty Pissed About Owing Her One
  • A Colony Of Clones Threatens To Clone The Crew, So Picard Saves Everyone By Suggesting The Colony Stop Cloning And Start Making Organic Babies With This Other Colony Over Here; Worf Faints And Makes The Hugest Deal Ever Out Of It Even Though Nobody Would Care If He'd Just Stop Bringing It Up
  • Lwaxana Troi Stops By And Wants To Bang All The Dudes, Especially Her Daughter's On-Again, Off-Again Dude
  • Worf's Ex Visits In Order To Help The Enterprise Gaslight Some Klingons Who've Been In Stasis For A Century, In Order To Make Sure They Don't Just Blow Up The First Federation Starship That Comes Their Way
  • A Battle Exercise Goes Full "Wargames" When The Ferengi Crash It; Data Has An Existential Crisis After Losing A Bar Bet
  • Riker Contracts A Rare Disease And The Only Cure Is A Clip Show


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