T-Rav Has Sober Epiphanies As The Southern Charm Reunion Concludes

Among them: that he should have gotten media training two seasons ago.

Last week, on Part 1 of the Southern Charm reunion, Cameran inched closer to saying she's childfree; Craig admitted that he isn't eligible to take the bar, so his hemming and hawing was all just a cover; Shep told a story about when he got recognized by a cop after getting so high on shrooms he briefly forgot his own identity; Patricia had better shit to do; and Kathryn stomped off the stage in a dramatic, hoop-skirted tizzy.

Kathryn's dramatic exit lasted about as long as her sobriety, though, because like it or not, she is the focal point of this horror show, and if she didn't stay for the taping, there never would have been enough drama to generate a Part 2. At one point, the linen-suited Yankee Andy Cohen says that the fighting between Landon and Kathryn makes him want to murder himself (the word you're looking for is "suicide," Andy, just ask Craig to look it up for you when he's done with "sanctimonious"), even though most of the drama was incited by him in his capacity as producer and host. Although most of what they're fighting about is Thomas, "Senator" T-Rav appears to have hired a media coach and gotten on some super-chill mood stabilizers: he's mellow and forgiving throughout. Maybe whoever got him to calm down like that can also come in and host the next reunion, since they end up feeling like therapy sessions half the time anyway.

The rankings have shifted slightly since last week, so let's rate the cast from least charming to most.

  1. Craig
    Hashtag New Craig is Hashtag Desperately Trying To Get Asked Back For Season 4 Craig. After his big bar exam fail last week, there's nothing about Craig left to learn, so he spends most of the episode trying to translate Kathryn's crazyspeak into English. I think it's less mansplaining than a desperate attempt at relevance and getting rehired for next season, because how else is he ever going to make money? Hashtag Shut Up Craig.
  2. Jennifer
    Jennifer has come not to praise Kathryn but also not to bury her. After attempting to sort out the origin of why Landon and Kathryn hate each other so much and deftly dodging the question of who her unborn fetus's dad is, she tears up about how important this baby is to her. T-Rav speechifies that he has changed his mind on Jennifer because she made a conscious decision to carry a developmentally disabled child to term and that really makes him respect her, especially because he has a brother with Down Syndrome. She cries and thanks everyone, and it’s an actual touching moment on this show. To quote Jennifer herself: "Thanks for having me...I think?"
  3. Kathryn & Landon
    There's nothing Kathryn and Landon would hate more than being paired together, so in the spirit of Miss Inch from The Parent Trap, I vote we stick those two in a cabin together during a storm until they either kill each other or realize they're long-lost twins. At least 75% of the episode is devoted to these two (and their enormous costume jewelry) sniping at each other about whether Landon slept with Thomas and which one of them is faker. Kathryn responds to the child support argument by claiming she is now "making things out of vintage pieces," by which I think she means necklaces and not additional Ravenels.
  4. Whitney
    Whitney says that he lives mostly in L.A., which we all basically knew and does not count as a dramatic reveal. He also says that he and Larissa "took a break," but are moving in together soon, so I guess she got that raise she asked for.
  5. Cameran
    A viewer who thinks Cameran is being too harsh on Craig points out that Cameran did some pretty dumb shit in her twenties, namely being on The Real World (and thinking Brad "You're a Meathead, Son" Fiorenza was hot, but I digress). Andy is shocked to learn that Cameran hosted an episode of Girls Gone Wild, to which Cameran replies, "Google it!" The producers already did just that and cut to a photo of the VHS cover.
  6. T-Rav
    Whoever T-Rav hired to do his media training before the reunion deserves to be played on TV by Kerry Washington. He's polite, humble, apologetic, eloquent, and, dare I say, politician-y. Plus, he's having some moments of clarity, most notably when he says that feelings should be felt, not acted out. So we're all still saying "feelings" or "breakdowns" instead of "drug-fueled insanity"? Okay then. It looks like Thomas and Kathryn are one enormous hat and a three-hour tour away from morphing into Thurston and Lovey Howell.
  7. Shep
    Next year I just want a whole season of Shep's voiceover commentary on previous episodes. He mostly talks about how much he loves Charleston and all his friends, and Andy asks him to deliver the credits-are-rolling toast, which he does with aplomb. That sound you just heard is Craig looking up the word "aplomb" in his pocket dictionary.

We already know what Cameran was doing in the '90s, when NBC dominated TV, but for Must See TV Week, we ask:

What were the other cast members up to then?

  • Craig: Purchasing seersucker suits one size up so he could grow into them
  • Whitney: Hoarding back issues of the International Male catalogue
  • Kathryn: Underlining all the Lila Fowler passages in Sweet Valley High books
  • Shep: Probably cocaine
  • T-Rav: Definitely, definitely cocaine
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